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LINDSEY LOHAN, PING PONG BALLS, AND A MULE
on 6 August 2013
With a title containing all the wit and wisdom of a nine year old, I kept my expectations exceedingly low, i.e. Tempe Video level. The movie is NOT a spoof on "Breaking Dawn" but rather a spoof on "Eclipse." "Breaking Dawn" is spoofed the last few minutes of the film. Breaking wind is something grossly associated with the wolves and Bella. It is overly used in the beginning of the film as well as the low brow sexual humor is excessive. There is a discussion of size of all the main characters sexual organs. "Cavernous" was used to describe Bella (Heather Ann Davis) who subscribes to "Ebony Thunder" magazine.
Edward (Eric Callero) has some issues with sex that blue pills can't help. Frank Pacheco portrays a rather portly shirtless Jacob who engages in a lot of toilet, implanting, and marking territory humor.
The overly excessive low brow humor diminishes to a tolerable level after Danny Trejo explains the story of the wolves and vampires. It is a humorous story, one I enjoyed as he confounds various movies into one tale. At this point the comedy becomes more of a real movie satire and relies less on cheap body part humor. I thought the actors played a good spoof role, although they should have done another take at the end with the child actors.
The film is supposed to be campy, and had they started with Danny Trejo or redid the gross beginning, it would easily be 4 stars. The spoof of people's dislike for Bella's repulsive character did give me some LOL moments.
As far as "Twilight" spoofs go, I would rank this above "Taintlight" but below "Vampires Suck."
F-bomb, sex spoof including oral and descriptions of gay sex, drawn human body parts, and fake male organs.