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197 of 199 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Definitely recommend this book - read nothing like it...
It occurred to me that rather than reading books about how to break up 'successfully' (whatever that means!), perhaps I should buy a book reflecting the situation hubby and me found ourselves in. Rings off, house for sale - such a labryinth of unhappiness, just awful. This book is a breath of fresh air and like nothing I have read before - it definitely told me lots of...
Published on 22 Jun. 2009 by Mintcake

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Useful book
I have dipped in and out of this book, but what I have read has proved very useful and enlightening. I particularly found useful the description of the stages of a committed relationship, and how to get over the problems which can occur
Published 18 months ago by D. SAVILL


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197 of 199 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Definitely recommend this book - read nothing like it..., 22 Jun. 2009
By 
It occurred to me that rather than reading books about how to break up 'successfully' (whatever that means!), perhaps I should buy a book reflecting the situation hubby and me found ourselves in. Rings off, house for sale - such a labryinth of unhappiness, just awful. This book is a breath of fresh air and like nothing I have read before - it definitely told me lots of new stuff. It was like it was written for us - reflecting what we were going through and most importantly helped me to understand some of the reasons why we had got there and how to CHANGE those reasons I could and ACCEPT those reasons I couldn't. This book made an immediate impact and just 2 months later we celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary by putting our rings back on. One of the 'best buys' of my life.
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32 of 34 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book could help you to save your relationship!, 15 May 2011
By 
Vicheria "Book Vixen" (Hull, East Yorkshire, England, UK) - See all my reviews
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This book was easy to understand, with the different stages of love outlined, suddenly made mine and my boyfriend of 4 years' issues understandable and actually quite common. Things had gotten so bad we had cancelled the wedding and were on our way to living separate lives.

I purchased this book and also another book, in case this one didn't work - a 'get over your breakup book'...
I started reading 'I love you but I'm not in love with you', which is explained in such a way that didn't make me sad, confused - or blame myself. It was just the facts - people fall in love and then when they start to get to know their partners 'real' self (cos we all act on our best behavior in the beginning) we get on each others nerves and the old "grass is greener syndrome" kicks in... Friction begins and turns into arguements that go from "you didn't put the bin out!" into "You A-hole!" And who'd want to stay in THAT kind of negative relationship? Separate beds/bedrooms... No intimacy and nothing but hurt emotions in the air, like a thick foggy layer of denseness... Because if you are 'cured' of your afflictions - you will think that your falling out was a bit, well, dense!

You may think its all over... That there is no where to go but to split up... But DO NOT GIVE UP! TRY THIS BOOK! If you still butt heads and none of the exercises worked for you then there is a chapter at the back of the book 'if the worst comes to the worst'. But hopefully it won't!
It worked for me and my boyfriend (yes the amazing thing is... we fell back in love!) After everything bad that'd happened, and it had been bad for approx 2 years... we discovered 'limerence' again, only this time it is so much better because we know each other for REAL! Our best and worst parts accepted and loved anyway.
Without any 'buts' in our 'I love you's' anymore! We communicate, aim to meet each others needs with good old give and take my grandparents practice - and voila! 'I love you but' turns into 'I love you. You are my everything'. He even mentioned marriage and children recently - OMG!

Nobody said relationships are easy! They take effort to maintain. But if you want to spend your life with your partner, and they want to spend their life with you, then it is worth ALL that effort. It does not cure everything overnight. The book gets you thinking and helps pave the way but ultimately it is you AND your partner TOGETHER who have to want to try to resuscitate your dying love.

And in case you were wondering, that 'breakup book' I bought is now helping raise a little money for Dove House Hospice charity!

Good luck and I wish you all limerence! :o)
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176 of 191 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Argh! Why did no one ever tell me this before!, 23 Sept. 2006
I think the government and World Health Organisation should make this book mandatory reading for anyone and everyone before they are allowed to enter into a relationship, to prevent the unenlightened from knacking their relationships without even realising what they're doing. This is like a long lost essential instruction manual, when you read it, you think "Hells teeth! Why couldn't I have read this before I did that!". This book gives great insight into the different stages of relationships, what's normal when, and I SO wish I'd read this book ten years ago! No matter what state your relationship's in, from rainbows and butterflies to copious amounts of wailing, chocolate and alcohol, I'd imagine most folk would benefit from reading this book, and if the worst has happened, it will help you to come to terms with the situation, and possibly promote self awareness, which can only be for the good. BUY IT IMMEDIATELY AND SAVE YOURSELF MANY YEARS OF ANGUISH! Insist that all your children read it, and don't let them start dating unless they have.
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75 of 82 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Will it really help you?, 3 Nov. 2007
By 
Reggaeboy (England's West Coast) - See all my reviews
Unfortunately for me it was too late when the book did arrive as my girlfriend called off the relationship. Much as my now ex thought it was absurd that a book was going to cure everything I found some good constructive advice and our own failings which was that we never argued properly instead tip toeing around each other. The book did reflect a lot that had gone on with us, and i feel both men and women will find something to aid them in their relationship. I particularly enjoyed it as it was written from a british perspective and was more grounded in reality rather than the 'alternative reality' we often see from across the pond. If your relationship is rock bottom try this book for a new angle, it is not a magic bullet just explains that 'smart' thinking may find you a path back to love again. I only wish we were together to tell you if the advice would of worked in practice...
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98 of 108 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A book that rings true, 5 July 2006
I was immensely impressed by this book by Andrew Marshall. He is a therapist and clearly has deep insight into real relationships where intimacy has been lost. This common situation, with which many couples and individuals will be able to identify, is explored and discussed with great intuition. However, he goes beyond simply understanding it, and produces ways to improve or extract oneself from these emotional doldrumes. The need to recognise when to withdraw rather than to atttempt to breathe life into a dead relationship, is a refreshing and valuable addition to the literature on human relations.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Read this book well before you think that you need to..., 1 Sept. 2014
By 
P. Pool (Brighton UK) - See all my reviews
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Well, like a good many couples I imagine, I read this book at a point that was too late for my relationship. I would recommend that couples read it way before you think you need to read it... so, if you come across a copy and you have friends who are getting into a relationship that looks as if it will last, I do recommend you pass it on to them.

Its a 4 rather than a 5 as its a little bit glib in places - some of the welcome humour was great, some didn't work with me but thats not enough to put me off recommending it thoroughly.

Oh, and its a dreadful title - try feeling comfortable reading it on a train.
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars great book, 16 Jan. 2013
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I havely been with my husband for 22 years and am in no way considering ending our relationship but inevitably things change, life gets in the way and you can't have butterflies about someone forever. This book made me see my relationship in a different more positive way and I don't feel as dissatisfied as I did before and much more hopeful for the future.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars what a lucky find, 18 Jan. 2012
I only got this book last night and I have just finished it today! It couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I have just recently said the ILUB to my boyfriend of 10 years and were both absolutely devastated. Never before did it occur to me that I would ever being saying that phrase. But over the last year our relationship had became strained as I had just got a new job, travelling the country performing in theaters as a singer/actress, fulfilling my life long dreams, leaving my partner at home redundant and all alone. I felt like our worlds have drifted apart and that my boyfriend was becoming to dependent me. Reading this book has helped me understand how he must have been feeling and that its not to late for us to work through our differences and deal with the changes in our relationship. I cannot wait to speak to my ex and see if we can work this out, Fingers crossed!
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61 of 68 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Why didn't I find this earlier, 29 Jan. 2007
This is a great book, almost every strategy in it makes perfect sense, whilst it seems to blame most relationship problems on childhood events; it accurately explains the science of what happens at every stage of a relationship.

If your partner and you are still hanging on and working for a chance this book will almost certainly work for you, and even if it failed, you would end up not with a bitter estranged ex, but a life long friend.

My regret is that I never found this book three years ago at a time when I know Mr Marshall's advice would certainly have worked for me.
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars wish my ex wife had read this before she went, 4 Mar. 2009
By 
Gj Powell (Conwy UK) - See all my reviews
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of all the books I have read on keeping maraige together this was the best. Every couple should read this when they are OK to be able to recognise the signs of trouble and understand how to keep things on a good footing. Totally logical, easy reading, and will improve you as a person in understanding your own relationships.
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