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Notwithstanding all fertile hips present, this film is a stillborn pathetic mess
on 20 October 2014
All big fan of Johny Depp and Tim Burton as I am, I was still VERY disappointed by this film. Below, more of my impressions, with some limited SPOILERS.
This film, as probably everybody knows, is the remake of an old TV show (1966-71) about a very strange family living in modern times in Maine. The family becomes even stranger once their 200 years old vampire-ancestor, Barnabas Collins, rises from his grave and moves in with them... I didn't see any of the episodes of this show, so I can absolutely not compare it with the film - but it seemed to be quite popular in its time and it seems to have still some cult following now.
I knew that this film bombed at the box office, but it usually doesn't bother me, so I decided to give it a chance, just setting my expectation level at "really not high". Sadly, it was not nearly low enough and therefore I was VERY disappointed.
To put things very bluntly, this film is BORING. It is definitely NOT FUNNY - I couldn't find even one really good joke in it. Visually, there are some scenes in which you can still see some of talent Tim Burton knew how to conjure in the days of yore - but they are few... And even worse, a lot of talent was wasted here by a bland, uninspired scenario. Johny Depp as Barabas was of course supposed to be the main asset - and he doesn't deliver. AT ALL! With Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Lee Miller and young Chloe Grace Moretz in supporting roles there was a lot of things that could have been done - and nothing happened! For Christ sake, Tim Burton had Michelle Pfeiffer at his disposal and all he could find for her to do is to once discharge a shotgun!? Really man!? Then he even hired Christopher Lee for a cameo - and failed to do anything with such an opportunity!
As for Eva Green, I confess to an element of subjectivity, because I simply cannot stand her, but here, playing the main villain (and a very evil and depraved one) she was probably completely in her element - and yet, her character is also a huuuuge disappointment...
Tim Burton made some great movies in the past, like "Beetlejuice", two "Batman" films, "Mars Attacks", "Sleepy Hollow" (I didn't see "Sweeney Todd" yet) - but both "Alice in the Wonderland" and "Dark Shadows" were complete failures... I am afraid that he simply burned out - which would be a great pity... As for Johny Depp, he also appeared in a lot of great films: the first "Pirates of Caribbean" of course, but also "Ninth Gate", "Sleepy Hollow", "Donnie Brasco", "Secret Window" and of course "The Brave", which he also directed (it is one of the most shocking and creepiest films I ever saw) - but even his talent couldn't save this failed thing...
When this film ended I was mostly relieved that this ordeal was over, but also sad, because a lot effort and talent was wasted here - and I simply cannot understand why... My sincere advice is to AVOID IT!