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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The love detour
David Surman's short treatise on his painful experience is worthy of being on every counselling and psychotherapy course reading list. Many of us grow up with a long list of unfulfilled needs, being treated specially by our mother partly because we, as men, are different maybe part of the problem. Surman's observation that he was both dealing with a trained professional...
Published 23 months ago by Mike Alexander

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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Very Subjective
The author has clearly had an unhealthy, unsatisfying relationship and goes on to diagnose his ex partner with BPD after reading an article and doing some research. I would call this leaflet a one side post-mortem of unsuccessful relationship, rather than a description and analysis of BDP and relationships from a qualified professional.
Published on 3 May 2012 by David


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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Very Subjective, 3 May 2012
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This review is from: GO AWAY, I NEED YOU! Are You Dating A Borderline Narcissist? - Post Breakup Enlightenment Tool... (Kindle Edition)
The author has clearly had an unhealthy, unsatisfying relationship and goes on to diagnose his ex partner with BPD after reading an article and doing some research. I would call this leaflet a one side post-mortem of unsuccessful relationship, rather than a description and analysis of BDP and relationships from a qualified professional.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The love detour, 12 Aug 2012
By 
Mike Alexander (LEEDS, West Yorkshire United Kingdom) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: GO AWAY, I NEED YOU! Are You Dating A Borderline Narcissist? - Post Breakup Enlightenment Tool... (Kindle Edition)
David Surman's short treatise on his painful experience is worthy of being on every counselling and psychotherapy course reading list. Many of us grow up with a long list of unfulfilled needs, being treated specially by our mother partly because we, as men, are different maybe part of the problem. Surman's observation that he was both dealing with a trained professional psychotherapist as well as someone with a difficult and serious personality problem is profound. The fact that many, or all of such professionals are never screened as to why they are entering the profession is a point of concern. Love it seems was for him real but for his lover a detour to a controlling and manipulative state. He writes about the sudden precipitous ending and his suicidal feelings that the ending evoked in a honest manner. His book leaves a number of questions for the reader and for therapists like my self;
How much of his response was predisposition from unfulfilled needs etc?
In many cases only the affected injured party gets into therapy, what about the BPD individual?
What safeguards exist in caring professions to ensure BPD is detected in applicants and subsequently treated?
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5.0 out of 5 stars Go away I need you! Are you dating a borderline, 17 July 2014
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This review is from: GO AWAY, I NEED YOU! Are You Dating A Borderline Narcissist? - Post Breakup Enlightenment Tool... (Kindle Edition)
I've just left an emotionally abusive relationship so I think or maybe I was the abuser he would certainly want me to believe that as every thing I did or said was wrong, I'm now finding a need to research all of this in a hope of finding answers, find some resolve some closure or just to make certain I don't own the personality flaws that have been projected on me. This book has been very insightful and helpful and I thoroughly recommend the read its given me more questions to ask myself and to look into and also given me insight into the contradictions of every thing I feel from this. The author is very honest with his experiences and the horrible reality of these relationships in a way a reassurance of just how does someone who once claimed they loved you wanted to marry you then turn so nasty and somehow manage to make you believe it was all your fault. Big praise to those who can be open enough to explore their own realities and work towards helping others.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Helps you to understand and make better future choices, 28 Nov 2012
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This review is from: GO AWAY, I NEED YOU! Are You Dating A Borderline Narcissist? - Post Breakup Enlightenment Tool... (Kindle Edition)
I found David Surman's book a very useful edition to the various texts available on BPD because most of those books predominantly discuss the impact of BPD on the suffer; although more recent and accessible books discuss strategies in the main to allow you to continue to have some kind of relationship with the person who has BPD. David Surman rightly points out at the beginning of his narrative that BPD is a mental illness and causes great distress to the sufferer, however the unknowing victims of people with BPD and how they suffer is often over-looked and this can range from the children of a parent or guardian with BPD, to other family members, friends, and partners. Many of the victims of people with BPD, who hoped to find love or friendship or at the very least understanding discover that not only was that quest in vain but also lead to rejection with a level of cruelty which is very difficult to understand, nonetheless they finally develop the strength to either walk away and rebuild their lives or adopt strategies to allow them to cope. However for a small group of those victims it is not so easy, some may be damaged by the experience of trying to build a relationship with someone with BPD for a life-time, and a tiny minority may go to more desperate means by taking their own life or attacking the person who has driven them to such despair. I think for every adult who has ever encountered someone with BPD and tried to build a relationship with them David Surman's narrative will help you to ask yourself why you continued once you knew something was wrong in how they responded to you, to engage with them when they were causing you such pain, are their areas of your own personality you have to consider or issues from your own past that are predisposing you to wish to build a relationship with someone who is not able to reciprocate love or even true friendship; secondly I think it reassures that you are not to blame it was nothing you did, you didn't cause this person to have this condition, and will come to understand that suffers from BPD have a propensity to manipulate victims of their condition to believe this, in other words they will never take the blame or allow themselves to be challenged or held to account, Lastly hopefully you will develop a wisdom which will enable you to identify more easily people with this condition and have emotional strategies in place, which allow you to make good choices about who you have in your life. Praise to David Surman for writing this text and using his own story as an example, something that is not easy to do.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Borderline Personality responds!, 7 May 2014
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This review is from: GO AWAY, I NEED YOU! Are You Dating A Borderline Narcissist? - Post Breakup Enlightenment Tool... (Kindle Edition)
I have been diagnosed with a personality disorder. It was like reading about myself. I am fortunate to be in a relationship now with someone whom I love and respect enough (and who loves me enough to help me) to learn how to manage my feelings and behaviour. I am also fortunate enough to have some excellent prof
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4.0 out of 5 stars Thought's, 28 Mar 2014
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This review is from: GO AWAY, I NEED YOU! Are You Dating A Borderline Narcissist? - Post Breakup Enlightenment Tool... (Kindle Edition)
Very thought provoking book. At least l realize l am not living with a Borderline partner.Which l am very grateful for !.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Amazingly helpful, 22 July 2014
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This review is from: GO AWAY, I NEED YOU! Are You Dating A Borderline Narcissist? - Post Breakup Enlightenment Tool... (Kindle Edition)
A very helpful book, after my undiagnosed borderline left me, I read this book, and I almost fainted in shock when I saw things like "If she mentions the police..run!!". It explains BPD in a way that doesn't feel bland or medical, this guy wrote this to help, and help it did!
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1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars BRILLIANT, 9 Jan 2013
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This review is from: GO AWAY, I NEED YOU! Are You Dating A Borderline Narcissist? - Post Breakup Enlightenment Tool... (Kindle Edition)
Really helped explain the meaning of a personality disorder and recognise patterns of behaviour they nay exhibit, it's really not you.
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1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A new understanding, 5 Mar 2012
This review is from: GO AWAY, I NEED YOU! Are You Dating A Borderline Narcissist? - Post Breakup Enlightenment Tool... (Kindle Edition)
My own experience was very similar to the author's except I knew about the disorder whilst seeing him. Even knowing this it's still hard to grasp the distorted reality that people suffering with this live in and the devastating effect it has on those who get too close. The book was short but also lots of information and particularly good points on why it's so hard to leave behind and the effect it has on the 'victim's' self esteem. I would add that some-one else's behaviour is never a reflection on you but them although it's good to take responsibilty for your own part in enabling the behaviour and understanding why you accepted it.
A great booklet with lots of info.
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2 of 4 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not impressed, 2 Mar 2013
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This review is from: GO AWAY, I NEED YOU! Are You Dating A Borderline Narcissist? - Post Breakup Enlightenment Tool... (Kindle Edition)
Not impressed. Just seemed like a bitter rant to me. Not very objective
A bit disappointing. More like someone telling a hard luck storey
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