Customer Reviews

Olympic Mascots Wenlock Policeman Figurine

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(79)

 

 

I bought this toy last week and although it arrived quickly and it seems to be well made, I have some concerns. Every fifteen minute since I've opened it out of the packaging, it will shout phrases such as 'I AM THE EYE OF PROVIDENCE', 'PAX ROMANA' and 'THE SECRET IS WITHIN THE GREAT PYRAMID OF GIZA'.

I cannot find the source of the sound on the toy (speaker, etc) and I cannot find a battery compartment either. It's beginning to worry me very much as my dog will do nothing apart from stare at it incessantly for hours on end until he collapses from exhaustion. When he wakes up, he will continue to stare again. He is unresponsive to anything and he is becoming extremely emaciated.

I bought one of these for my nephew but before I could give it to him, Wenlock's 'All Seeing Eye' had spotted the leaflet on my kitchen table for an anti-Olympics protest on the day after the opening ceremony. Before I knew it, the building where I live was surrounded by a special armed Olympics police unit and now I'm banned from central Stratford's "Dispersal Zone" until late September.

This is a disaster as it means I can't visit my nephew at all now, or get to the supermarket. It takes an hour longer to get to work as I can't use Stratford station, a journey that'll be even longer in the summer. Worse, I'm stuck with this tiny, creepy figurine that watches my every move. Overall, I really can't recommend this toy - the massive security around here was going to be bad enough anyway, without it figuratively intruding into my home too.

Everywhere I take this toy, I'm followed by thousands of armed soldiers.

I think they're installing missile batteries on m neighbour's house too.

If I try and protest, it's usually quickly silenced by someone pulling back a bolt on a rifle.

Probably not the best gift for a child.

I bought this toy to take on my Olympic Journey as suggested by the technical details. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the next morning to find that it had left its case, called in reinforcements and kettled me in my bed.

I'm just glad I didn't buy the water cannon or Long Range Acoustic Device accessories.

I bought this product admist my ever so keenness for the Games of the XXX Olympiad. However when it arrived it knocked down the door in a raid, pinned me down and falsely arrested me for conspiring a bomb plot for mass murder during this summer's sporting events. As a result I was locked in jail for a month and had my Olympic event tickets revoked as I've been slapped with a court order restraining me from the premise of the Olympic site 'for safe measure'. Fortunately, I've been reimbursed for the tickets and saved myself a fortune but not compensated for the toy.

The sellers later informed me that there was an error in the "intelligence-led" operation of the shipping of this product.

This beautifully presented cyclopean bobby accurately represents the inhuman policemen that we have come to know and love. The effect is however ruined by the ghastly London 2012 logo which resembles Lisa Simpson giving head, so I would warn potential parents that this product may not be suitable for children.

Also known as "My Little Drony", this plastic Beelzebub all-knowingly looks into my very thoughts like the Eye of Sauron in in a hat. The five Olympic rings were forged in the fires of Mordor, and I know that Wenlock wants them, to gain supreme power over the human race, on behalf of Adidas, BP, Dow Chemical, McDonalds, and all the other hoardes of Satan, I mean, sustainability partners. I know that Wenlock can hear me typing - he can scent that I've used the word Olympics in a non-corporate approved manner, diluting his unholy brand image. I fear I haven't got much time... He is at the window... I... OH GOD... PLEASE... NO!

Don't get me wrong, I am as much a fan of sinister corporate tat as the next man. The next man in this instance is my 15 month toddler who likes to put things in his mouth. But this "Wenlock" appears to be a cyclops with a tit on his head. I find it frightening. I'm a 42 year old man and this ... thing ... is like something that has escaped from a remake of Sapphire and Steel.

It doesn't make me feel safe. It makes me feel violated; as though someone has spent the money I gave them for health and education on something expensive for their mates.

Whilst I am certain that it may have uses as a scarecrow or a very uncomfortable sex toy I can't put it on my shelf because it seems to be screaming at me "Guilty! GUILTY! GUILTY!!"

Since buying this toy, my neighbours collection of Gollies have all been unduly harassed or locked away in a cupboard for no reason.

...imagine a policeman, baton drawn, watercannon at his shoulder, standing guard over an Olympics logo, while beside him McDonalds sells more burgers to more unhealthy people than ever, and drones cruise the sky collecting data from the phones of people suspected of anti-Olympics feelings...forever.

And to get into the spirit of your inevitable future you should buy this mascot like I did. It sits upon my mantelpiece, an extrusion of the future into my life, just as the Olympics offers itself as the future of human development: taxpayer-funded, corporate, unequal, and not for the likes of us.

Most reviewers have given a low star rating to this - very mean I think. I would have given it five stars but I expected the clear plastic shell to be made of the same plastic as police riot shields and it turns out not to be, so it loses a star for lack of authenticity.