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on 26 February 2002
... your partner always blames you for everything that goes wrong in your relationship - including his infidelities; he plays Gaslight-type mind games; he tries to isolate you from your friends and family; you have to "rehearse" everything you need to say to him carefully to try to avoid "setting him off"; you excuse the inexcusable; he is entitled to be upset by what you say or do, but you have no such reciprocal rights; you want to raise an issue of his bad behaviour and end up having to apologise to him; and most telling of all, if everyone who knows him superficially tells you how charming he is and how lucky you are, and you can't understand why you are so miserable!
Get past the American case-history formula and this book will save your sanity and help you come out on the other side with a modicum of self-esteem.
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on 28 November 2001
Abusive relationships have now reached epidemic status in our society!
I have learned some valuable, if not life-saving, lesssons from this book. I had a friend who was beaten by her now ex-husband and couldn't understand why she would tolerate such behaviour. It is a very complex issue, and when I read this book (along with many others - so I have a very rounded experience of such literature - and am not a man-hater), I began to realise that my parents were toxic and that my father's outlook on and approach to life and the legacy he left me, has damaged my self-esteem and consequent expectations of relationships.
I have questioned my values over and over again trying to understand why I was unhappy in my marriage, and now I finally understand why! The pattern of abuse was repeating itself through me! I am not to blame for whatever my husband decides to blame me for because he can't deal with - and so projects onto me - his emotional problems!
Fortunately, I have learned to cope, through changing my expectations of relationships and life in general. There is hope!! I am still with my husband. I am living consciously now and he is slightly 'inconvenienced' that I am happier now that I value myself more. However, respecting yourself is the only way to lead a happy, fulfilling life!!
I am glad I didn't leave my husband as I now know what was wrong with our relationship and how to deal with it, rather than going on to another abusive relationship whereby I repeat the same mistakes over and over again in a futile attempt to try to correct the past.
This subject does take a lot of research and understanding, and councelling is good.
Fortunately there is increasing awareness of this epidemic in society, and this book, along with "Toxic Parents", helps.
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on 11 September 1997
This book gives a realistic view of how abusive relationships ensnare normal, healthy people and how to recognise if you are involved in one. Written for women, this applies to anyone. Abusive family member, boss, or partner; the lessons imparted allow the reader to compare and evaluate, to determine whether their relationship is undermining their sense of self.
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on 9 August 1999
This book hastened my recovery from a ten-year abusive relationship which ended in my husband's leaving me nine months ago. Since that shattering event, I have devoured self-help books. Nothing helped me like this one. Nothing. I want to get a copy for the woman he left me for, as she'll need it eventually. Also, maybe, his two other ex-wives.
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on 1 May 2000
IIronically I bought this book around 8 months ago for a friend whom I saw was in an abusive relationship. I read it before I gave it to her and noticed that the man I was involved with seemed to show a few of the characteristics of the woman-hating man. Only a few.
However this month after our relationship broke up up I re-read the book and am appalled to see that he fits the description in so many ways of a man who hates women . I also made many of the same mistakes that the women in this book made, trying to be a rescuer for him, to give him a solid foundation of love and friendship which would help him to overcome the disruptive childhood he had.
I was so surprised the first time that he shouted at me and called me stupid and a control freak that I didn't point out to him that this behaviour was unacceptable and I thereby opened the door for a growth of more and more unreasonable and controlling behaviour on his part.
We have now split up and I feel I have had a lucky escape.
This book was extremely good at pointing out the warning signs which I should have noticed and will certainly be on the lookout for in the future.
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on 5 November 1997
This book was a real help to me in deceiding if I should or shound't stay with my husband.
After reading it, I realized I wasn't at fault for everything in our marriage and I did't have to stand for the abusive treatment from him.

Thank you Mom, for getting me this book. It's been 11 years and it has changhed my life for the better. And more importantly, it has made Beth's life better. She is a much more confident and together kid than she would have been if we had stayed as he was also doing it to her.
This book was our salvation. To the writer, thank you so much. I want it for a freind.
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on 28 November 2001
Abusive relationships have now reached epidemic status in our society!
I have learned some valuable, if not life-saving, lesssons from this book. I had a friend who was beaten by her now ex-husband and couldn't understand why she would tolerate such behaviour. It is a very complex issue, and when I read this book (along with many others - so I have a very rounded experience of such literature - and am not a man-hater), I began to realise that my parents were toxic and that my father's outlook on and approach to life and the legacy he left me, has damaged my self-esteem and consequent expectations of relationships.
I have questioned my values over and over again trying to understand why I was unhappy in my marriage, and now I finally understand why! The pattern of abuse was repeating itself through me! I am not to blame for whatever my husband decides to blame me for because he can't deal with - and so projects onto me - his emotional problems!
Fortunately, I have learned to cope, through changing my expectations of relationships and life in general. There is hope!! I am still with my husband. I am living consciously now and he is slightly 'inconvenienced' that I am happier now that I value myself more. However, respecting yourself is the only way to lead a happy, fulfilling life!!
I am glad I didn't leave my husband as I now know what was wrong with our relationship and how to deal with it, rather than going on to another abusive relationship whereby I repeat the same mistakes over and over again in a futile attempt to try to correct the past.
This subject does take a lot of research and understanding, and councelling is good.
Fortunately there is increasing awareness of this epidemic in society, and this book, along with "Toxic Parents", helps.
0Comment|12 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on 24 September 2011
This book is great as it tackles both sides of the problem, the controlling manipulative men and why women are drawn back into the same kinds of relationships. A fantastic read for any friend or relative you feel is in a controlling relationship, but will not be able to see the wood through the trees at this point. The books 'softly softly' approach is great for helping women understand that this kind of behaviour isn't acceptable and offers subtle things they can do in this kind of relationship to re-empower themselves when years of this kind of treatment has left them with little or no self esteem. I found it to be a very interesting read.
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on 28 November 1998
This book was given to me by the mother of my ex-boy friend. I had it for two years before I ever opened it. When I did, I could not put it down. I felt as though the words were written directly to me and about my relationship. Suddenly I realised that I was not alone in my struggles. I gained courage to walk away from a mentally and emotionally abusive man, and the wisdom to know when i had found a truely loving one. Thank you, Susan Forward, for one of the most powerful reads of my life!!!!!!
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on 2 February 2010
Product was excellent price - far cheaper than shops, even with postage and packing.
Delivery was swift and product arrived in excellent condition.
Book is sound read..plenty for everyone, even if you think the subject matter doesn't apply, there's helpful insight for everyone to hone their relationships. It's not a journey into man-hating at all, but full of revelations as to why many of us behave and respond the way we do..promoting understanding, healthier interaction and, for some of us, compassionately kicking us up the pants. Well worth the time.
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