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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful
on 27 November 2013
I have been (physically) free of a ten year abusive relationship for nearly 5 months. I say physically free because it will take a long long time for the emotional scars to heal. It is only through reading self help books such as The Emotionally Abusive Relationship that what I thought must have been my fault actually wasn't my fault at all. I was being emotionally abused. It seemed to start when I was happily recounting something one of my grown up children had said or done. He would hit me with his angry words and I would be sitting there with my stomach tied up in knots wondering where on earth did that came from. Then he would give me the silent treatment for a couple of days until things gradually got back to normal when the whole process would start all over again. I got to the point where I was afraid to even speak about my children. Then it was any of my family, friends, people I liked in the media. The endless put downs and name calling, even when I was going through cancer treatment, really got to me and it was at this time that I faced up to the fact that this man could not possibly love or respect me. I wasted ten years trying to make our relationship work, if only I had heard of verbal/emotional abuse maybe I could have seen what was going on and got out sooner. I think this book should be standard reading for any woman going into a relationship, especially if she has a feeling that things aren't quite as they should be. How many women I wonder either live with verbally abusive partners or have managed to get away but still don't know that the problem wasn't with them, it was with him.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
on 28 August 2013
For many years I have been in a destructive relationship with my husband who outwardly is a successful businessman with 5 grown up children and a loving family. But behind closed doors he changes into a frightening tyrant who has bullied and belittled me, isolating me and importantly telling everyone how bad I am. I'm not bad. I'm actually really nice, kindhearted, intelligent with two of my own loving grown up children. But until I read this informative book I truly did not realise what I have been living with. Now I know that I have been trying to have a relationship with a non empathetic man. I am his second wife. She left him because of his abuse too.
This book details the way that verbal and emotional abuse happens and importantly, how it strips away the victim's strength and self esteem. I found the tips on how to react empowering and for the first time I have felt validated. It is a sad book to read if you are with a verbally abusive relationship but it tells the truth through others' stories.
I really recommend this treasure.
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37 of 39 people found the following review helpful
on 6 May 2011
Do you stop yourself mentioning trivial things because you know they will cause an argument?
Do you find your partner getting irritated by something you've done nearly every day?
Do you wonder at times whether you're in the dock on trial for your life with a barrister firing questions at you to which there is no right answer?
Do you wonder whether you are actually going mad and losing your memory because you know things didn't happen how you've been told they did?
Are you walking on egg shells all the time trying not to say the wrong thing - even though you don't really know what the wrong thing is?

If you answer `yes' to any of these questions then you could be in a verbally abusive relationship. One of the major problems is you may be so used to the snide remarks and the rows that blow up over trivial things and out of a clear sky that you do not recognise it as abuse. No one should be called names or spend their life in fear of saying the wrong thing. Adults discuss things calmly and rationally. Yes everyone has arguments from time to time but not everyone feels the need to cover up trivial mistakes because you just know they will start a ten minute tirade about how stupid you are.

I found this book enlightening and horrifying. Even more horrifying is that there may be no solution to such problems unless the abusive person wants to change. The book does detail many possible scenarios from the author's casebook and it does provide ways of dealing with the abuse. Simple things such as walking away or saying `Stop that', `Cut it out' etc will start to establish that you are not prepared to tolerate the abuse. Walking away, refusing to argue, refusing to be drawn into criticising yourself and ignoring and not reacting to things can be learned and practised.

If you wonder what you're doing wrong in a relationship as you always seem to be on the receiving end of criticism then read this book as it will help you understand what is happening and what you can do to combat it and build up your own self-confidence again. I recommend this book to anyone in a relationship where things seem to be constantly going wrong.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
on 21 March 2013
After two and a half years, and a roller coaster of emotions, I have finally found some answers. If you are in a relationship, have done months of self reflection & still feel frustrated & confused, read this book. Very practical advice. :))
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
on 13 November 2011
A great must for every woman and man. As you move on through the chapters you understand more and more how many forms of verbal abuse exist, and how to defend yourself.
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
on 24 August 2010
Having already read one book about verbally-abusive relationships this seemed to have good reviews so I tried it - very good. Although I did have one or two differences of opinion when she said that people could/should respond to their abusers because I found the suggestions for responses a bit weak. However, having said that, the book was very useful overall and enlightening and I do keep referring to it as I have marked certain paragraphs on some pages as particularly pertinent to my own personal relationship. Am already recommending it to others!
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
on 15 January 2013
I have just got myself out of a verbally abusive relationship and this book helped me realise that it wasn't just in my head!
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13 of 14 people found the following review helpful
on 3 December 2012
I now know what I had suspected anyway...that my partner verbally abuses me. I am now armed with the knowledge I need to help me through the trauma that undoubtedly lies ahead after I make the changes I need to make. My mantra has changed from. “What am I doing wrong?" to “it is NOT my fault". Thank you, Patricia, for writing this book.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on 6 May 2012
Excellent read for any one who is or was in an abusive relationship to help understand the abuse how to recognise and to change to prevent going into another abusive relationship in the future.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
Great descriptions of verbal abuse and how to handle people who try to abuse you.
Made me realise that I was right about my abusive marriage and what I had to do to change it. That meant breaking up and telling my husband to leave. It was such a difficult thing to do but now I'm feeling much better about myself, my future and my children's future.
I can now show them that's it's not ok to shout and be aggressive to someone you love.
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