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73 of 75 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book on the nature of human destiny (spoilers)
"What Do You Say After You Say Hello" is a sequel to Dr Eric Berne's book "Games People Play". In that book, Berne argued that human beings participate in a series of deceptive rituals and manoeuvres ('games') that hamper real communication and intimacy.
In this book, he extends that theory (transactional analysis) towards human destiny that he says is predetermined...
Published on 25 Dec 2004 by Alain English

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33 of 36 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not for beginners
If you are new to "transactional analysis" I would recommend that you read "I'm OK, Your OK" by Thomas A. Harris instead because it is much easier to understand than this book which I found very challenging at times. Another book which I would definitely recommend is "Counselling for Toads- A Psychological Adventure" by Robert de Board which was a very interesting read...
Published on 21 Jan 2007 by Ms. M. S. Whyte


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73 of 75 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book on the nature of human destiny (spoilers), 25 Dec 2004
By 
Alain English (London, England) - See all my reviews
"What Do You Say After You Say Hello" is a sequel to Dr Eric Berne's book "Games People Play". In that book, Berne argued that human beings participate in a series of deceptive rituals and manoeuvres ('games') that hamper real communication and intimacy.
In this book, he extends that theory (transactional analysis) towards human destiny that he says is predetermined by a 'script' people compose in early childhood before they have reached six years old. This script will determine whether that person is a winner, non-winner or a loser. Berne's theory is well founded, taking into genetic, prenatal and parental influences that make up a person's life script. The aim of the book is to act as guide for fellow psychiatrists in recognizing scripts and eliminating their more negative aspects in their patients.
According to Berne, a person's childhood-written script follows closely myths and fairy tales, and the differing roles (Hero, Victim, Villain, Ally, etc) than in simple common sense. People are capable of changing their scripts, but more often than not stick by them, as this is easier to do than to effect any real change in their lives.
Berne covers all aspects of the script using popular fairy-tale analogies like Cinderella and Little Red Riding Hood to help illustrate his points. He also includes objections to the Script Theory and a Script Check List for patients.
This book should be a handbook for human psychologists and would appeal to anyone interested in psychology. Casual readers, if they can hack the terminology, might find it interesting as well.
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48 of 50 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A very insightful book around the topic of TA., 31 May 2000
This is a thorough and thought provking book written by the creator of Transactional Analysis (TA). It takes you from understanding the basics of TA to its implications in Theraphy and life in general. It allows you to look for your own scripts as well as reading those of others and it introduces to the reader the power of names. For those serious about TA it provides a pathway for future research as it is rich in references and for those new to TA, it is definately a book worth chewing and savouring its juices...Enjoy!
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27 of 29 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars ongoing review, 20 Feb 2004
I am only half way through this and it's excellent. Well written and quirky. It has hardly dated. I often think Berne would have made a great novelist and storyteller, had it not been in his script to be an innovator in psychotherapy.
The problem is not that I can't put it down , but that what he has to say is so thought provoking my brain tends to go off at a tangent every other paragraph. This makes for slow reading and I've found I can't read it in the quiet hours as it wakes me up!
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33 of 36 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not for beginners, 21 Jan 2007
By 
Ms. M. S. Whyte (UK) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
If you are new to "transactional analysis" I would recommend that you read "I'm OK, Your OK" by Thomas A. Harris instead because it is much easier to understand than this book which I found very challenging at times. Another book which I would definitely recommend is "Counselling for Toads- A Psychological Adventure" by Robert de Board which was a very interesting read. It teaches the basics of transactional analysis through a story based on Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars "I showed them...", 7 Sep 2012
By 
Mark Stipanovsky (London) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   
On your deathbed - what will you say?

"I showed them..."

Chapter 10 - Maturity and Death asks the above question and the answer is quite an eye opener because...

What's your because?

I enjoy reading Eric Berne's books and every time I re-read one - something new pops out and intrigues me.

The idea that we all have a "story" or script is nothing new and yet most people put more effort into buying a "sofa" for their house than taking five minutes and analysing their life and how it's taking shape...

The psychology of human destiny aka "What Do You Say After You Say Hello" is quite a bold statement and this book is a follow on from the hugely popular "Games People Play".

Having some prior knowledge of Transactional Analysis will be really helpful - although not essential to get the best out of this book.

It was written in and published in the early 1970's and because psychotherapy language keeps mutating and evolving - similar to the actual theories - the language may make you smile here and there - or even grimace - depends on your "Script" - I reckon...

Anyway, book is split into over 20 chapters with notes and references at the end of each and covers the principles of Transactional Analysis and "Script theory".

The first two parts (chapters 1-10) are basically written as a story about "how our own story is created, reinforced and played out" right up until the "I showed you"...

Part 3 (chapters 11-15) covers different scripts and roles - winners, losers and non losers and Eric uses nursery rhymes and stories to illustrate his points and isn't the easiest of reads - even though he uses nursery stuff and one of his most profound gifts was translating psycho-analysis ideas into a more usable theory...

It makes me chuckle that advanced "communicators" such as Eric sometimes struggle to get their point across as simply as they would like to...

Part 4 (chapters 16-20) is all about the script in clinical practice and there's a sentence that says, "if you can't hear what a patient is saying - don't worry about it - he probably isn't saying anything"...

I was once told to mis-quote someone - if you really wanted to ensure they "told you" what they meant because they will quite quickly say - I never said that - I said this...

The beauty of reading books like this is there will be one sentence that "pops up" and grabs your attention and may change your life - and even more interesting is that re-reading the book at a different time in your life - and another sentence will "pop up"...

Part 5 (chapters 21-23) covers objections, methodological problems, definitions and a questionaire to uncover someone's script aka "Script Check List" and instructions in how to use it...

It also has a glossary of terms that is helpful to glimpse through as you're reading the book as Transactional Analysis has its own language.

There's quite a few helpful diagrams scattered throughout the book and these contain lots of circles and vectors showing psychological structures and psychological transactions to emphasise the text.

Chapter 14 - A * The Plastic Face is a useful thing to learn and understand - this is a useful way of "diagnosing" unconscious behavioural patterns - or what current Transactional Analysts and Process Communication Model people call "Drivers".

Google Taibi Kahler and learn a bit about "Drivers" because it's life changing for real and a very simple concept that becomes very "deep", very quickly...

There will be something in this book for everyone - even if it's just to disagree with certain bits because your experience or knowledge has led to a different outcome...

Anyway, if you're interested in TA - it makes sense to read Eric Berne verbatim as we as the latest theoretical off-shoots and see what "pops up"..,
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book on human transactions, 19 Feb 2009
By 
I bought this book because I thought the cover was intriguing. I could see myself in it and wondering what have I done to make him/her angry. And why does it always happen to me? The book indeed answered the questions. We all know in some way that life is like a play on stage and that it can be a good play or a bad one. This book is just the formalisation of this well known metaphore. My copy is falling into pieces by how many times I consulted it whenever I thought I was doing my piece again.
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19 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars What do you say after you say hello?, 22 Feb 2006
By A Customer
I read this book as an accompaniment to counselling several years ago and Eric Berne’s simple, elegant style had a profound effect on my psyche and the course my life took after my collision with his ideas. ‘What do you say after you say hello?’ explores the themes of script theory (more recently ‘Transactional Analysis’) - the idea that each of us follows a predetermined script, laid down by happy or bitter childhood experience. This script, built on by our parent’s preconceptions of what they want us to be, is applied by us to various interactions or events to achieve a familiar outcome. This outcome can be success or failure dependent on that which is most recognisable to us through our experiences.
More than anything stated above, what Eric Berne’s book does so well is instil in the reader the fact that change can come from within, in fact this is where the metamorphosis will begin. A true catalyst for change, and contrary to other comments made above, completely accessible to those not familiar with psychoanalytical jargon.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Discovering home truths, 4 Jan 2011
Have just finished reading this book and loved it. This is the third Eric Berne book I've read and I think it may well be his best (it was of course his last before he died). The style of writing is clear throughout, often peppered with Berne's sharp wit. The idea of us creating scripts for ourselves in early life that dictate the course of our lives is a stunningly mindblowing idea, and it's dealt with very thoroughly in this book. A great book to read whilst at the same time considering the course of your own life. I'm a filmmaker and also enjoyed it from a creative perspective, the way Berne discussed fairy tales and Greek myths in relation to people's lives was most enlightening.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The best book I have ever read,, 20 Feb 2010
By 
J. Young (UK) - See all my reviews
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I had 3 separate attempts at reading this book when I was younger as I found it quite hard going at first. Once I succeeded I read it again and again over subsequent years.

I have given this book as a gift to more people than I can remember including my own children. It contains more insight and genius into the life I, you and we all live than anything else I have ever read. Buy it, read it, learn from it. It is magnificent and memorable.
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An important book, 5 April 2005
I read this book 15 years ago and it had a great impact. I've reo-rdered it to show it to others. Life follows script and is a game between actors. Berne explains the roles and how we can change the script if we don't like it.
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