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What About the Children?
Format: Kindle EditionChange
Price:£8.99
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
on 22 May 2009
Informative book for parents at a loss to understand the behaviour of their 'moody' or 'out of control' children. It is a good guide for parents of children of any age, not necessarily for divorced or separated parents. I found it a great relief to discover that my teenage sons behaviour was reasonably 'normal' and that by recognising how my reactions and behaviour could either exasperate or relieve many of the communication problems I have with my children family life in our home has dramatically improved. Although the book is primarily concerned with problems connected with children with separated or divorced parents, this is not exclusive as any major event in a child's life can cause trauma. The book does not offer a cure, as every child and circumstance will be unique, but does give you a better understanding of how children may react to major changes in their lives and to the behaviour of their parents. It is a very informative read, and together with the contact details of many supporting organisations, it is a 'must have' self help book for any parent who is tearing their hair out in an effort to try to understand and help their 'out of control' child.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Julie Lynne Evans has written this book as both a child-psychotherapist, and a divorced parent with children. The insight from both sides runs through her words. I came to this book as a parent going through a divorce, certain I was going to feel guilty by the end of it, instead I felt affirmation and encouragement. It is possible to grow your children through the experience, and give them lifeskills that will empower them through other, inevitable, difficulties they will face in their lives.

Divorce is traumatic for everyone caught up in it, children experience it on their terms and, without judgement, Julie points out they should be seen as individuals who need listening to in order to find their own responses and decisions. Through disease, divorce, and death there are many occasions when we, as people, often as children, have to go through life-changing experiences. The least we can do is try to consciously parent our children through them. Knowing that nothing is set in stone and their responses and decisions can change and probably will again, our children should be given the skills to be able to handle these.

This book draws a vivid picture of the importance of a child-centric approach to separation and divorce, and tries to give you a better understanding of how children could react to major changes in their lives and, more improtantly, to the behaviour of their parents.

Julie Lynne Evans shows how our behaviour can help children not just survive, but thrive, through a divorce. It is time to be a hero in our children's lives, to lead by example.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
on 31 May 2009
I found this book gave a real no-nonsense approach to dealing with a difficult and hard to look at aspect of divorce. The one thing I did not want to happen when I got divorced was for my children to be hurt in any way. This book helped me think about all the tricky situations that might arise, eg: breaking the news to the kids, moving out, arranging visits, new partners. Most of all, though, the book helped me realise that I did have an important role in the childrens' lives and didn't have to simply hand them over and walk away. Completely apart from divorce, I also found the chapters on teenagers really helpful - it's good to have some tips on how to talk to them! How about: What About the Fathers next!?
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on 1 June 2009
A practical no nonsense approach to an extremely sensitive & emotive subject is what sets this book apart from others . Julie Lynn Evans draws upon her personal & professional experience to explain what children may be feeling & why they behave as they do which many adults quite unwittingly fail to realise whilst they go through the stresses of divorce or separation. This book gives all parents a better understanding of what their children may also be experiencing & provides some practical sensible suggestions.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
on 28 May 2009
This is an absolute must for any adults who have contact with children, going through or having gone through divorce. It is an extremely easy read and gives very good, practical advice in a non-judgemental, matter of fact way, with the children being the priority. Julie Lynn Evans has gone through a divorce herself with 3 of her own children and is clearly a successful child and adolescent psychotherapist with over 20years experience, thus making her well qualified to write such a book. As a parent myself, it is clear that Julie is a true champion crusader for our children.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
on 30 April 2009
This is a must read for anybody with children who is either going through a divorce or is trying to help someone who is going through the break up of a marriage. I have watched many of my friends, quite unknowingly, cause terrible damage to their children. Divided loyalties, confusion, over protective and often pathetically and unreasonably guilty children are often used as pawns in the elaborate dissemination of the blame game that broken hearted or defiant parents unwittingly put their children through.

Julie Lynn Evans gives kind and thoughtful advice. She has clearly been there, done that and has found a way to forgive her ex husband enough to give him a loving tribute in her acknowledgements. Her skills as a psychotherapist combine with a very real warmth and empathy. Her advice is practical and non judgemental. Buy it and read it and you may very well make a troubled child's life much easier. Not to mention your own.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on 6 February 2011
This book has brought us back from a rift that was making our children so unhappy. It taught both of to see us to understand the children's point of view and to put them first. I would recommend this book to anyone going through the after effects of a divorce.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
on 3 May 2009
This is a kind and compassionate book, making a plea for adults going through divorce or its after-effects to listen to their children. Julie Lynn-Evans explains how children's distress is often expressed in behaviour, which needs listening to just as much as words. Her extensive experience as a psychotherapist specialising in children and adolescents comes through in her advice on situations ranging from the "dragon child" to the quiet child at the back of the classroom who is overly well behaved - both extremes may conceal a desperate need for an understanding and listening adult presence.

Very good for teachers, and grandparents of children caught up in divorce and separation, as well as parents themselves.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on 3 May 2009
I read What About The Children? as a stepmother and godmother interested in children whose parents had been divorced. The book is factual and well written, full of common sense and helpful advice; it also contains moving case studies. It is an easy read that shows adults how their behaviour can help children survive and thrive.
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on 5 February 2014
The author is extremely judgemental and this is not what I need to be reading to find the strength to carry on!
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