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33,089 of 33,554 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't...
Published on 24 Jan 2012 by Andrew

versus
5,974 of 6,685 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably...
Published on 17 April 2012 by The Cantankerous Tiger


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461 of 523 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome product, 9 Jun 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
I live in the countryside and watching the lambs gambol in the fields I pondered that they would need shearing soon and from there turned my thoughts to doing a little thinning of my own undergrowth. On a trip into town I saw a tube of Veet and the product description seemed ideal for my purposes. I didn't read the instructions because I'm a man.

One night, when the wife and kids were in bed, I got out the tube and applied the gel liberally to my crotch. For the first few moments I felt nothing but then after about 5.9 seconds I had a strange sense of deja-vu. You see when I was a teenager one of my younger brothers mates shot me in the head with a bow and arrow. He didn't mean to but we beat him up for it anyway. While the arrow was stuck in my head I could feel some pain but the shock kept that down. It was the thought that I'm going to have to pull this baby out which is going to magnify the pain massively that stuck with me.

As the gel started to sizzle and wisps of smoke started rising I knew that the pain I was feeling now would be as nothing compared to what was coming. It wasn't. Trying to find the words to describe it is difficult but imagine, if you can, having your scrotum industrially sandblasted from a distance of about a foot with broken glass mixed with acid and salt.

I ran outside into the cool night squealing like a stuck pig to hose down my crotch. I had no thoughts at this time of what the neighbours would think of this unholy banshee, but afterwards I heard in the nearby villages they had laughingly put it down to a family of foxes being caught in a thresher. At some point the water butt was drained and my screams went up a further few octaves into the realms beyond human hearing. Which was good for sparing my embarrassment with the neighbours, but was less good for the bats in my loft for whom the intensity of my scream proved terminal.

I wolfed down some pethidine and strong codeine tablets and was able to sleep for a few fitful hours. I dreamed there was a giant troll repeatedly trying to drop-kick my scrotum to Poland, before awaking to witness the damage done. My eyes were running with the pain, my scrotum looked like something that would be served as an hors d'oeuvre to Sauron, and my sense of smell had gone.

I later found out that the acrid fumes from my burning crotch were so pungent they cauterised my nostrils.

So overall 5 out of 5. It clearly does remove hair, and flesh, or at least that's what they say has happened when the dressings are changed.

I didn't expect to have to wear an adult nappy because of the ongoing genital weeping, and I am "off-games" for at least the rest of the year and possibly the whole of my adult life, but there you go.

Potential buyers might consider self-castration as a cheaper and less invasive alternative.
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423 of 480 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars In every man's heart there is a devil, but we do not know the man as bad until the devil is roused, 20 May 2012
By 
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
I accidentally applied this product to my womb raider, coin purse and coal hole after mistaking it for almond flavoured cake icing (it was my wife's birthday). Within eight minutes I was positioning myself on a railway line in a desperate attempt to remove the lower half of my body and thus relieving me of the phenomenal pain inflicted upon me by this work of unspeakable evil. Alas, my attempts were futile as all trains were cancelled due to another Veet related incident further up the line.

I drifted in and out of consciousness for the next two weeks, after which I awoke at the bottom of a railway embankment surrounded by the lifeless bodies of several species of local wildlife which had succumbed to their curiosity and strayed too close to my horrendously super-heated pubic region. The unimaginably wicked stench of the singed fur of a short-tailed weasel will haunt me for the rest of my now severely diminished days.

Following my eventual rescue by Eastern European copper thieves, I was informed by the doctors in the burns unit that, such was the biblical scale of the damage inflicted upon my gentleman's truffles, I can expect my children, my children's children and my children's children's children to be born with permanent alopecia and thus meaning my genetic legacy to the human race will be a sub-species closely resembling 80's animated TV star, Morph.

Does anybody know if they sell this in a bigger tube?
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1,768 of 2,008 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Spiced nuts, 3 May 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
Sergeant slaughter and his two lovely daughters
Do get the occasional trim.
New bird on the stage, nearly half my age
My purchase a bit of a whim

The instruction book did not get a look
I thought I knew how to use Veet
Whipped out my tower, whilst stood in the shower
Spreading it liberally all over my meat

I flipped off the cap, lifted up the old chap
Pushing the limits i'm sure
I wanted to groom in the valley of doom
Now my starfish is bleeding and raw

I tried to keep calm washing off the napalm
Leaving me all of a fluster
You could boil a small lake or cook a big steak
With the heat from my genital cluster.

Less grass on the wicked, but all's still not cricket
It does add an inch or two
A full week past, how long will it last?
Still unable to sit, stand or poo.

You may well cry but tears will dry,
Leaving balls as smooth as jam jars,
My slong looks huge, still no sign of pubes
So i'm happy to award it 5 stars
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133 of 151 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Does exactly what it says on the tin (tube), 1 May 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
Having recently decorated the house, I decided to use the tube of Veet to clean the paint brushes from the crusted-on, Brilliant White Liquid Gloss (non-yellowing formula).

Suffice to say, the paint was completely removed!!!...as were the bristles, the metal ferrules and most of the wooden handles. Looking good. Job done!

On this positive note, next steps were to have a go at the hairy old man and the squirrel's nut sack. First off, the mild tingling sensation was not unpleasant, but after 5 minutes the growing, burning pain was like having my gentlemen's regions dipped in Nagha Ghost chillies, then being toasted by the hot firey magma from Mount Doom. The end of my manhood now resembled the fiery eye of Sauron.

Then the sensation worsened and I felt nauseous with the pain. I tried dipping my bits into a sink of iced water, but as I lowered myself in, the intense, radianting heat vapourised the water and crystallised the enamel coating. As this point I passed out.

I awoke on the floor (several days?) later with the feeling that my bits had been trodden on by a T-Rex, dragged through a cactus patch, and tanned into a new leather pouch by an eskimo wanting somewhere to keep his sharpened fish hooks.

6 months after the expert workmanship from a team of plastic surgeons, the grafts have finally taken, and I can confidently say that I am now hair and genitalia, if not pain, free. The mild glow from the skin below my waist is also handy in the dark, when finding my way home from the pub, or changing a fuse in the mains box.

I may never walk again or father children, but I can only recommend this 5 star product to anyone willing to give it a go.
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760 of 864 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Shiny sack saved my life, 8 May 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
Picture the scene: a badly sunburnt, blistered and shaved Boris Johnson carries two red Space Hoppers accross the surface of Mars. This is an accurrate description of the current state of my genital region 3 weeks after a liberal application of this product. Seriously, my once proud Biggles looks more like the lone equine survivor of a fire at a donkey sanctuary.

On the positive side i can report the following unexpected benefits:
- My pain threshold has almost trebled
- I can now pass urine in 3 positions: standing, sitting and curled in a ball weeping.
- using a shammy leather and some wax I was able to polish up my ballbag enough to act as a signal for passing ships, saving me from certain starvation one time when i was stuck on a desert island.

It is due only to point 3 that this product gets 5 stars.
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337 of 383 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Why America lost in Vietnam, 20 April 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
As a reformed member of the Vietcong and survivor of numerous F4 Phantom Napalm strikes, I can say with confidence that the Yanks used the wrong ingredients for their incendiary devices.

I applied a small dab of this product onto my gentleman's sphericals and the searing pain was immediate, intense and will cause me flashbacks for the rest of my life. My poor swollen glands now have a blue hue and I fear they will never recover.

Had Colonel Kilgore and his dogs used this against my brave communist brothers we would have surrendered immediately.
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1,982 of 2,255 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not for nose hair, 14 April 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
Although I understood the part about 'intimate use' I could not find anything about this not being for nose or ear hair. I get fed up with constantly cutting myself whilst trying to cut my ear and nose hair with a pair of Kitchen Scissors, so I decided that this product would work for me. I rubbed it up into my nostrils and around the outside of my ears. Very soon the burn started and trust me it really makes your eyes water. Probably more that if it was on your knob or bollocks like the other reviewer did. If your eyes do water, make sure the product is not on your hands when you go to wipe your eyes as this porodcut also removes eyelashes and eyebrows and makes youe eyes water even more. I look like I have been put on a sunbed for too long and people keep asking me why I am crying. Still, a good product which does what it says.
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218 of 248 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Works a treat for me, 12 July 2011
By 
@mkcol (Milton Keynes, UK) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
I have fairly sensitive skin eg: will easily get a big rash on my face when shaving. I don't use this creme on my face BTW!! That would be just silly.

I've used it on my shoulders (a few random strands), underarms, torso, bumcheeks, scrotum, perineum - yeah basically everything "down below". I've been using Veet (& it's predecessor) for years with good results & no problems caused by the product. Only ever had problems created by me - and that's the vital part.

You *gotta* read the instructions - they say 4-6 mins for a reason. And especially when you're doing your nether regions err on the side of caution - I can tell you, a burny, weepy scrote, sticking to your clothing is v unpleasant!! Mind you - I'm sure the instructions do say *not* to use it there at all.

It's fairly easy to apply. I find it easiest to have a sink full of warm water ready to rinse your hands with. Either stand in the bath or shower when applying, so any that drips off you (it will!) won't cause trouble on the flooring. I often just squeeze a big handful into one hand and make that the applying hand.

Make sure you gotta a big clock, or countdown timer nearby & easy to see without having to touch it. Once applied don't go dancing around. Just kinda stand still & maybe admire yourself in the mirror. If you feel stinging - RINSE IT OFF!

Don't apply anywhere you've got broken skin, cuts or nicks. I also make sure I'm totally clean, fragrance, moisturiser, deodorant, antiperspirant etc etc etc free before using.

To remove - shower is easiest. Along with the little scraper. Don't get any splashback in your eyes - it hurts. It may also blind you, I don't know. Just keep rinsing & scraping. Once I've done that I tend to get one of those puffball things (the ones that make soap really foam up) and that's nice and gentle & helps to remove any strands which are slightly broken. Pat yourself dry - remember your skin is now pretty tender. Don't go applying any fragranced moisturiser or that stuff - just go natural for a day. You'll prob notice a lot of hairs are very short & quite crinkly. In a day or two they will just dry up & break off.

Yes it has an unusual odour, but just have a think about what it's doing!
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322 of 366 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars OMG!! So so funny!, 27 April 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
This was the most fantastic product ever invented due to the hilarity it has produced for all us women!! Most definitely THE funniest reviews EVER!!!!!
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167 of 190 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Why I am currently single, 12 May 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
As a mid-20s relatively athletic male, but with very dark hair and surface coverage of this to rival a Wookie from Star Wars, I understand the supposed importance of baby smooth skin and properly trimmed hair on the dating scene. I have previously tried trimming, shaving and waxing various areas of my body to no real long term avail, and so was very intrigued when I heard about Veet hair removal creme and decided to try it at the first possibly opportunity.

Having bought this in a shop and not online, I did not have the opportunity to read other people's reviews of this product, and so upon glancing briefly at the instructions when I opened it assumed that the instruction not to apply to ones nether-regions was just being overly cautious. In fact this seemed to be almost a challenge, and being blessed with hair so long you could plait it 8 weeks after its cut fighting to escape my crack this seemed to be a fantastic idea, not to mention the added length I could gain round the front.

With this impeccable logic in place, the first thing I did was to ignore the warning and liberally coat my gentleman's fruit basket and crevice with the creme and wait for the desired effect. After 4 minutes however I realised, in part, the beginning implications of my mistake. It felt as though fire ants had taken up residence in the area and were now at war, and I had tears of agony rolling down my face. At 5 minutes it felt like I had painted my scrotum in a mixture of meat juice and napalm and then dipped them lovingly into a ravenous piranha tank, and by 5 minutes 58 seconds I was positively deranged and on the verge of blacking out.

As an additional note to anybody who wants to use this crème, it should be strongly advised to only use it when next to the shower. You may find otherwise, like I did, that someone else, with impeccable timing, will decide to use the bathroom at this critical time and force you to take alternative drastic action.

In this particular case 13 seconds after the 6 minute mark I was sitting navel deep in a steamy, watery soup of foam, suds, smouldering flesh, and gravy, with my feet on the draining board and my then girlfriend screaming dementedly at me. Apparently charging wildly into the kitchen whilst bellowing at the top of your voice like a mountain gorilla with its toe caught in a mousetrap, and then cannonballing arse first into the sink whilst your girlfriend is doing the washing up is considered inappropriate behaviour, and can be quite disquieting for a poor girl. She did later however admit she was impressed with the polished red hue my rear iris was emitting as it flashed past her vision like a marine distress flare on the back of a speeding truck.

This experience however has taught me 3 sure things in life:
1. God and the universe has a sense of humour
2. Instructions should always be followed, and not regarded as a challenge
3. If you want your plums, tadger and canyon to be smoother than a greased billiard ball, but twice the size, luminous red and 5 times more sensitive use this crème without listening to point 2.

I am giving this product 4 out of 5 stars, as whilst it does do exactly what is says on the cover, (and more), I am docking it 1 star as the girlfriend and love-spuds I once knew and treasured have all but disappeared, and for the first 2 days after I could not sit down without screaming.
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