29,497 of 29,820 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't...
Published 22 months ago by Andrew
4,895 of 5,310 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.
Published 20 months ago by The Cantankerous Tiger
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869 of 957 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Sweet Baby Jesus deliver me from this torment,
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)Possessing as I do a genital cluster that bears an uncanny resemblance (and indeed aroma) to Chewbacca's armpit, I decided to purchase this product. Upon applying the creme to my tassel and conkers, I was taken aback by a sudden and disturbing gasping noise, followed by a sound that I can only describe as the horrific howlings from Satan's own Hell Hound, Cerberus. As I whirled around to view the source of the noise, I perchanced to glance in the bathroom mirror, and, seeing my own mouth stretched agape in a terrible rictus of agony, I deduced the sound was coming from me.
My eyes widening with mounting horror, I surveyed the damage occurring to my sausage and beans with no small sense of panic. My pubes were actually bubbling and fizzing, in much the same way they might if one of James Cameron's Aliens had just sprayed their acid blood upon them. There were no swear words strong enough to adequately describe the agony, and in my delirium I began making them up. I don't recall exactly what I screamed, but I'm fairly sure the entirely-new expletive "funting" was employed.
With as much haste as I could muster I hobbled into the shower and applied cooling water to the conflagration in my crotch, which only served to spread the napalm to my perineum. I am not a church-going man but as I felt the flaming horror trickle across that tender inch of no-man's land, I confess that I prayed aloud to Jesus and his host of angels that the advancing agony would not stray into my buttonhole. However, my prayers went unheeded, and as I felt the liquid inferno sizzle its way into my most private of eyes, I lost consciousness, but not before grabbing the shower curtain and collapsing, in a disturbing echo of that famous scene from Hitchcock's "Psycho". Although believe me, being hacked to death by Norman Bates in a dress would have been a walk in the park compared to the searing agony I endured that fateful day.
103 of 113 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Medical Opinion,
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)I work in the A&E Department of a large hospital in the north of England. I have just been involved in the treatment of a patient who presented himself at our department in a great amount of discomfort following use of this product on his genitals.
The nurses involved in his treatment and I have not laughed so much since last week when we had a gentleman enter our department in distress after " falling into the end of his vacuum cleaner whilst doing the housework in the nude."
Thank you Veet!
180 of 198 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hairy Blighters,
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)This really did trim the old front lawn so to speak. After a liberal application the old badger disappeared and I was left with a lovely jet washed patio.
131 of 144 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Reviewers,
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)Haven't laughed so much in years! You lot are hysterical - can't you all get together and write a book? You'd make a fortune and Tena pads would too!
304 of 335 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Why America lost in Vietnam,
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)As a reformed member of the Vietcong and survivor of numerous F4 Phantom Napalm strikes, I can say with confidence that the Yanks used the wrong ingredients for their incendiary devices.
I applied a small dab of this product onto my gentleman's sphericals and the searing pain was immediate, intense and will cause me flashbacks for the rest of my life. My poor swollen glands now have a blue hue and I fear they will never recover.
Had Colonel Kilgore and his dogs used this against my brave communist brothers we would have surrendered immediately.
1,905 of 2,104 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not for nose hair,
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)Although I understood the part about 'intimate use' I could not find anything about this not being for nose or ear hair. I get fed up with constantly cutting myself whilst trying to cut my ear and nose hair with a pair of Kitchen Scissors, so I decided that this product would work for me. I rubbed it up into my nostrils and around the outside of my ears. Very soon the burn started and trust me it really makes your eyes water. Probably more that if it was on your knob or bollocks like the other reviewer did. If your eyes do water, make sure the product is not on your hands when you go to wipe your eyes as this porodcut also removes eyelashes and eyebrows and makes youe eyes water even more. I look like I have been put on a sunbed for too long and people keep asking me why I am crying. Still, a good product which does what it says.
119 of 131 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Alien, Brangelina, Veet and me,
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)'Removes hair' massively under sells what this wonderful product is actually capable of. That said, getting 'removes hair, fingerprints and the ability to sit, stand or lie down for 3 weeks after application without eliciting the kind of scream last heard when Jordan heard she'd been successful in her job application as a tester in a vibrator factory' on the tube would require making the product so large that accidental spillage of its contents could lead to a hole being burned through to the earths core.
Don't make the same mistake I did and take the claim 'will leave your love walnuts looking like a babie's face' to mean 'smooth'. In fact what they mean is that they will be red, scrunched up and weeping for the first 15 months.
Its impact on popular culture is also criminally overlooked, being the first example of product placement in a mainstream movie. Fans of Ridley Scott's 1979 masterpiece 'Alien' will be aware that if you pause on the film 32.47 seconds in, when Ripley first shoots a Xenomorph, you can clearly see that what was widely believed at the time to be the 'alien acid blood', which burnt its way through several floors of the ship when spilt, was actually caused by a bullet nicking a tube of Veet being carried by the alien for the purpose of burning its way through locked doors. It also had an indirect impact on 'Alien 3', Ripley's bald-headed appearance being caused by her trying to describe Munch's 'The Scream' in an impromptu game of 'Charades' with a light smear of Veet on her hands during a break in the initial script read through.
Rumours that the plot of 'Saw 7' (or 'Saw 8' or whatever we're up to...the producers are knocking these out almost as quick as 'Brangelina' are kids), will basically consist of a kidnap victim being forced to navigate their way naked and blindfolded through the 'Veet' manufacturing plant, sadly cannot be verified at this time
Its only matter a time before it takes its rightful place alongside DDT and napalm.
667 of 737 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Shiny sack saved my life,
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)Picture the scene: a badly sunburnt, blistered and shaved Boris Johnson carries two red Space Hoppers accross the surface of Mars. This is an accurrate description of the current state of my genital region 3 weeks after a liberal application of this product. Seriously, my once proud Biggles looks more like the lone equine survivor of a fire at a donkey sanctuary.
On the positive side i can report the following unexpected benefits:
- My pain threshold has almost trebled
- I can now pass urine in 3 positions: standing, sitting and curled in a ball weeping.
- using a shammy leather and some wax I was able to polish up my ballbag enough to act as a signal for passing ships, saving me from certain starvation one time when i was stuck on a desert island.
It is due only to point 3 that this product gets 5 stars.
147 of 162 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Veet -- the Men Hair Removal Gel Creme (from hell) . . .,
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)After having been told my danglies (American: "dingle-berries") looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.
I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Stuggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "
Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :-
447 of 494 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not For Your Crack,
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)First off this is a pretty good product. My wife got a couple of tubes for me so I could do my chest and back (I swim lots so smooth body is a must). This was all well and good and the product did the job as stated.
The problem came when we decided to baldify my arse crack. Oh my god, bloody hell what a mistake. The first sensation was of a nice chilled feeling between my bottom cheeks, kind of like sitting down in wet grass. All well and good. Then I hit the shower, it was like a vindaloo had been poured between my arse cheeks, while I was getting a severe wedgie. To say it was agony is an understatement, I was howling. Even today (4 days after the event) I can't walk properly or sit on my bike.
All I have to say is leave your sack and crack to the experts and don't smear this burning lube anywhere down below. Keep it to your chest, arms, back and legs and all will be fine.
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