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33,334 of 33,816 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't...
Published on 24 Jan. 2012 by Andrew

versus
6,021 of 6,751 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably...
Published on 17 April 2012 by The Cantankerous Tiger


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33,334 of 33,816 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS, 24 Jan. 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)
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1,319 of 1,410 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Veet -- the Men Hair Removal Gel Creme (from hell) . . ., 30 July 2012
By 
John W. Osborne Jr. "Josbo7" (St. Petersburg, FL) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
After having been told my danglies (American: "dingle-berries") looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Stuggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :-
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6,021 of 6,751 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION, 17 April 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.

However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children.

In summary:

Pros: A small expense, certainly didn't burn a hole in my pocket.

Cons: Did burn a hole in my scrotum

All in all an effective and reasonably priced product - 3 Stars.
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18 of 20 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars They should re-name it vanish, because my bits have!!, 9 Aug. 2013
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
My phone has an app that links to "hot" Amazon reviews and I tend to rush in and buy the product without actually reading any of them.

Well let me say my app was right when it told me the product was hot!!

I will relive my experience minute by minute from T-0 (application of Gel, to T + 30 minutes (genitals missing)

T-0 Applied gel to whole genital area, including snail trail to belly button, and anal snail trail to 10 cm above coccyx.

T+1 Start to feel searing pain emitting from area gel applied to.

T+2 Now lying on the floor in agony, clutching my meat and 2 veg. This gets worse over the next 10 minutes.

T+12 Pain has become so bad I try to call 999 for an ambulance

T+15 After 3 minutes on hold I get through and explain my emergency, I am treated like I am making a hoax call, the operator says that I need to grow a pair (How right he would turn out to be!!) and he hangs up.

T+20 Realising that my cries for help will not be answered, I run an ice cold bath and jump in it to try to relieve the fire burning between my legs

T+25 After shivering for 5 minutes in the bath, I can actually feel the water getting warmer, being heated by burning between my legs.

T+28 The bathwater is now too hot to be in, and feels like I could use it for making a cup of coffee.

T+30 Upon leaving the bath, I look down and to my horror my bits have vanished, I am left with a silky smooth area of skin above where my manhood once proudly stood (and I cant even tell you what has happened to my waste exit area).

Well that is my sorry story to add to the 100s already on this site.

If this product isnt banned soon I fear for the future of mankind, as there will be no men left with working reproductive equipment.

Further note, even the no win/no fee solicitors have refused to take on my claim for damages as they have no balls!!!
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72 of 81 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I didn't expect an ASBO, 29 Dec. 2013
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
Being the "new romantic" kind of guy, I like to engage with women on an intimate level. It's not really my fault if these engagements only normally last a night.
Bring cocky, I had let the "hedge trimming" slide a little bit. Then I made the ultimate mistake ... Mixing work and pleasure. After a few drinks, we ended up making a close inspection of my Fiat Chinquechento (her closer than me). My performance was, to be polite, below par. This was confirmed the next week by a bottle of Veet and dome of those men's toilet viagra-esque pills waiting for me on my locker. I threw it in my car and forgot about it ...
Until, a few weeks later, I met a lovely young filly in the pub next to a supermarket corner shop. We got chatting and things soon got intimate. Realising I had not "tidied the allotment", I had a sudden realisation that the aforementioned bottle of "Scrotum Smoother 6000" in the car.
Retrieving the bottle from the boot, I decided that so as not to look weird, I went to the supermarket next door and utilised their facilities.
With trousers at floor level and under crackers off, I liberally applied the gel to my "lady destroyer" and the Mitchell brothers. Getting my phone out and noting the time, I expected it to be a sexy rinse like on the adverts. Oh how wrong I was.
A gentle warmth ebbing from my "love spuds" soon turned into a heat that made me want to tear my scrotum clear from my under carriage.
I was crying like a college girl with a positive pregnancy test. At this point, my "love pole" had developed a pulse and a red glow that Dulux would find difficult to match. Placing my member in the sink and desperately dabbing my "pressure release valve" with cold water, I had quickly come to the realisation that without drastic action, I would soon be placing my "pork sword" in a frame on my bedroom wall.
I decided to run for it, straight to the freezer and for a bag of peas to mould to my now fiery and glowing chassis. In my haste to stop my scrotum from melting clear off my body, I forgot to redress my lower half.
The sight of a crying man with an exposed, but remarkably bald "pussy plunger" and what can only be described as an arse that looked like he had just been filmed by the Discovery Channel desperately digging for peas, left the staff mildly bewildered. Unsurprisingly, the local gendarme arrived soon after. It's safe to say, I didn't get chance to return to the pub. I ended up spending the night at "Her Majesty's Pleasure".
I did end up getting intimate that night, but I don't want to talk about that ...
I give this product 5 stars as my new prison husband was very impressed at the smoothness.
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2,586 of 2,928 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Good results at first interrogation, 25 April 2012
By 
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend.

Yours,
Ali Muhabarakah,
Secret Police, Damascus
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92 of 104 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars DISCO INFERNO, 3 May 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
Reading the hundreds of reviews on Amazon, Most of which were shall we say, interesting to say the least. I was not sure whether or not to beleive it or not. Now it must be noted that i am hairier than a wookies armpit around my sesspit and gentlemans vegetables, but i thought to myself at this price i would be an idiot to let such a deal pass. The savings alone in plasters, shaving gel, wilkinson swords and aloe vera wipes i would be quids in. How wrong was i! So there i was all excited after ordering said miracle item awaiting the post womans arrival, that when it did eventually arrive, i nearly tore her arm out of her socket. Which would have been very unfortunate for her as she was already a paraplegic and partially blind, and i slammed the front door without offering to help her back to her foot. I raced upstairs to the bathroom and tore the box to peices as i ran. As i reached the top of the stairs, i already had the top off the tube. 1st mistake. I tripped over the top step and fell onto the tube sending squirts of the lovely blue paste along the carpet and across the cat, who had positioned itself near to the radiator. Showing no regard for anything esle but splashing the blue goo onto my love eggs, i went into the bathroom and as most men do, ignored the leaflet and adopted the Henry Cooper style of splash it all over. Mistake 2! There i was standing in the bathroom, butt nekid admiring bean bag and gentlemans sausage that was soon to be smoother than duncan Goodhews head, when the phone rang. I ran out of the bathroom and answered the phone only to find it was one of those bloody anoying telesales people trying to sell solar panels. It took me over 6 mins to finally get rid of them, when the tingling sensation around my farmer giles was getting a little too much and i told the man to politly **** ***. I raced back upstairs and noticed the cat had gone, and what i can only describe as a scene out of back to the future at the top of my stairs. All that was left was a smouldering patch of fur and a streak of fire along the carpet. I was going to continue to look for the cat at that point, however by now the slight irritation had developed into a full on heat explosion. Starting to panic i ran the cold water tap and tried to position myself over the sink so i could scrub my potatoes and baloon knot with lovely cold water. Wrong move. The water somehow seemed to enhance the chemical properties of this marvelous mixture and within seconds my love scones and winking walnut had gone from hot to core meltdown and was at critical mass. It was as if i had broken down the gates of mordor, home to the mighty armies of the dark lord Sauron, a place of darkness and destruction, ran up mount doom and dipped my swinging bag of beans and log roll onto the fires of mordor bathed them in the fire. I heard the area was watched by the great eye, but by now, my great eye was redder than a pickled beetroot and my Starfish resembled the japaneese flag. I stood there in amazement as the hairs started to fall from my babaloons and the transformation from looking like Brian Blessed's chin to pre pubesant child started to take effect. By now, beads of sweat were pouring down my face and in an attempt to cool myself down i mopped my brow with my palm. Within seconds, my forehead began to throb and i started to get that familiar feeling again on my head. Foolishly i had wiped some of satans love juice across my head whilst wiping sweat away. The heat was such that i doubt Spock, with his tollerance to radiation could have withstood the intesity the demons semen was producing. It was at this point, the pain became too much and i began to pass out, i slipped off the sink and i i came down pulled the whole thing off the wall. Jets of water sprayed across the bathroom and fell onto me. The last thing i can remember is what was left of my swollen bright orange space hopper that was once my seed sack, smoldering like a gremlin after it had been doused in water. Several hours later i was awoken by my wife, the plumber and the RSPCA asking if i was ok. Still in a bit of a daze, the first thing i had noticed was the pain had subsided, and my meat and veg were smoother than a cobra's belly and my wang looked several inches bigger. I reached down and felt that my Jeremy Kiles had been burned away. The plumber had switched off the water and my wife began the interogation, informing me that the kithcen ceiling had come through and the cat had smashed its way through the door, and was lying in a puddle in the road. She said it looked like someone had cut it in half with a light sabre. The RSPCA had seen it and questioned neighbours and said it was ours and had taken it away to be rehomed. I sat up and looked in the mirror and noticed that not only was i silky smooth on my under carriage, Granted my balls looked something that should be ironed and were glowing like the ready brek man and my pork lance was crumbling like a burnt out cuban cigar, but my mono brow, and my pride and joy super afro ala Lionel Rich tea had completely also gone and i looked like i had undergone an intense course of chemotherapy. Needless to say my wife left me, i can no longer, by order of the courts be allowed to keep pets for the rest of my life and have not for the last 6 months seen any sign of hair on any part of my body, Which is why i am giving this 5 stars as it does exactly what it says it does.
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246 of 278 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Laughed til we were as red as those balls, 5 May 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
Thank you so much you silly men who have made my mum and I cry with laughter over their de-fuzzing techniques. The best laugh I have had for a long time.
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3,191 of 3,620 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Increased Sports Performance Bonus, 24 April 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
As a highly competitive amateur athlete, I have long been aware of the benefits of a highly polished scrotum pole and hair-free saddle-bags, especially when going for the `longer look' as displayed by Linford in his famous lunchbox.

Previously I had used the old-school method of a cutthroat razor, but as you can imagine, this was a tricky and delicate operation, and to make matters worse, it was difficult to get into a comfortable position in the chair at my local Barbers. Anyway, I am quite hairy down there and my snippet valve looks like Brian May's plughole so eventually the Barber said he could no longer perform the task for me. He also said that looking up my whizzer every Saturday at 11:30 put him off his lunch, as he usually has toad-in-the-hole followed by chocolate-coated donuts as a Saturday treat.

He did not want to leave me in the lurch and said that he had read some excellent reviews on Amazon about Veet for men and suggested I give it try.

Like many other reviewers, I made the mistake of not reading the bumph properly; I used the whole tube and completely coated my cock eggs, barse and nipsy with the stuff. Anyway, I lost track of time, and it was the foul stench of dissolving clinkers and melting hair that brought me to my senses. As I looked at my watch through the putrid fog that had formed around me, I could see that it had been applied for exactly 5 minutes 59 seconds. This presented me with a problem, as when the searing pain began, I was outside my flat, sat in the communal gardens, in a deck chair precisely 100 meters and 3 flights of stairs away from my bathroom. It was as if I had lowered my under-carriage through a volcano and into Hades, whereupon Beelzebub, annoyed by the uninvited intrusion, jabbed me in the rectum with his fork.

I took off from the deckchair like Usain Bolt out of the TV adverts. Within 12 seconds, the bathroom was filled with steamy fetid barse broth, and I had the clock weights, biffin's-bridge and Sherriff's badge under ice-cold running water at the tap end of the bath. This did not please the missus, as she was relaxing in there at the time surrounded by floating petals and candles, although she did say that the sight of my ringpiece flashing like a brake light was impressive, and she was pleased to see that my arse barnacles had all but disappeared.

When I looked at my watch again, I realised how quickly I had made it up the stairs and the idea dawned on me that I had discovered a 100% legal sports performance enhancer. Now when I compete in a competition I dab a small amount around my Samantha Janus and taint exactly 6 minutes before the race is due to start. If I am doing the hurdles, I change the ratio and put more on my barse to make me jump higher. This proved to be particularly effective a couple of weeks ago, as after crossing the hurdles finish line, I accidentally won the high jump and steeple chase too, looking for the water jump to wash the stuff off.

Now I can hear you all thinking that none of this is particularly extraordinary, especially given the reviews that you have already read. However, when I tell you that I am 45 years old, 5' 4" tall and weigh 15 stone, and I used to do the shot-put that should put things into context. As this is an Olympic year I think Tagnutt and Mandeville or whatever their names are, should be redesigned with hairless nether-regions and the British squad should use my technique and be sponsored by Veet, although I don't recommend it for the beach volley ball team.

5 Stars from me.
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315 of 357 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Please dilute before use, 20 April 2012
By 
D. Hayes - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care)
I recommend diluting before use. Personally I diluted it with Deep Heat and Oven Cleaner and the resulting pain in my balls was far more bearable. Do NOT get this stuff on your bell-end.
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