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31,332 of 31,712 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't...
Published on 24 Jan 2012 by Andrew

versus
5,498 of 6,071 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably...
Published on 17 April 2012 by The Cantankerous Tiger


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31,332 of 31,712 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS, 24 Jan 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)
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9,065 of 9,371 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Oh the shame...., 3 July 2012
By 
A. Chappell (Denmark) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)
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5,498 of 6,071 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION, 17 April 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.

However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children.

In summary:

Pros: A small expense, certainly didn't burn a hole in my pocket.

Cons: Did burn a hole in my scrotum

All in all an effective and reasonably priced product - 3 Stars.
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2,167 of 2,399 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Good results at first interrogation, 25 April 2012
By 
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend.

Yours,
Ali Muhabarakah,
Secret Police, Damascus
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149 of 165 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Please god make it stop, 30 Aug 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
I have always been rather blessed with the hair around my beef thermometer and knackers which in my youth was a rich mahogany hue, with a hint of curl forming a garden arch around my tackle but over the years, whilst the hair on my head has remained largely unchanged my groin and happy trail has somewhat degraded. Now in my twilight years it has faded to resemble dumbledores beard, which although uncanny in its resemblence is a bit of a mood killer when I get the love wand out for the wife so on a whim I decided that the only solution was to go back as nature intended and expelliarmus my thatch.

I first bought a competitors product to perform the aforementioned task and adhereing strictly to the 6 minute rule I washed off to find not a single short and curly had been removed. I subsequently took another stab this time leaving the product on for 30 minutes and apart from my wifes hilarity at comparing me to a lifesized banana split I had no more success. Clearly I needed something more radical for my solution. It was then that a former friend pointed out the reviews on this product and suggested I give it a try. I read most of the reviews but considering my lack of success with the previous product assumed that my pubic beard was made of stronger stuff. Not dissimilar to supermans hair that suspends the half ton weight.

I rushed out to buy the product from my local chemist and paid little heed to the fact that it was in a locked cabinet with the perscription grade medicines and also ignored the pharmacists questions when supplying me the gel. With hindsight I should have listened when he warned me to take great care during application not to get this anywhere! I thought it was hyperbole I didn't think he meant it!

With the ball and chain at work I thought I would suprise her with a hairless chain and balls and set to work. The cream/gel applied easily with a rather pleasant soothing effect, I placed a towel on my leather sofa and sat down to watch bargain hunt whilst the magic cream worked. After a short while I noticed a warming sensation not unlike the effect of putting tiger balm on a sprain. this should have been my third warning as anyone who has ever put tiger balm on and then accidentally got it on any sensitive area will know the pain is unlike anything you will have ever experienced, unless you've tried veet on your taters!

The heat increased exponentially and what started out as a warming sensation became a full blown inferno on my crotch and had me sitting forwards huffing, puffing and sweating as tried to resist the tempation to wash it off and let the full 6 minutes pass. The heat, pain and smell of barbequed beef increased so quickly that I went into a panic and launched off the sofa towards my staircase however being sweaty and having laminated flooring throughout I slipped and slid across the floor like a fantasia elephant, stark bollock naked with only cream hiding my old chap right in front of my lounge window looking out onto my cul de sac, hit the wall and fell to the floor. After seriously damaging my knee in the impact I was now unable to climb the stairs and was struggling to get off the floor due to the cupious amounts of blood and sweat that was now coating the floor beneath me.

Worse was yet to come as by now the sweat on my crotch had started to spread the cream and it was slowly but certainly creeping its way between my pressed hams and it was only a matter of time before it hit my chocolatier. In a final act of desperation I dragged myself across the floor, launched crack first at the tropical fish tank and passed out!

I awoke to find my wife standing in the living room in disbelief staring at her stark bollock naked husband, melted sofa and towel, laminate which was slowly fizzing under the remains of my pubic sweat, blood and veet and about 200 worth of dead tropical fish and a busted tank. My yoghurt slinger now looks like a massive overblown red jelly bean, where my danglers used to be is a pouch of skin that looks like santas sack and the boys have disappeared so far up inside me they are featuring on crimewatch next week under missing persons! The shame of my silver brilo pad has been replaced by an inability to walk straight or stand for any period of time. I now talk with a scottish twang in my accent to explain why I am suddenly wearing kilts all of the time. My wife (now ex) has been sectioned with PTS syndrome and I now refuse to take my clothes off infront of anyone, mirrors or in fact any reflective surface in case I offend myself or anyone else with my convincing impression of kuato and hellboys lovechild.

On the plus side I am now hairless but it seems like a heavy price to pay!
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2,995 of 3,340 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Increased Sports Performance Bonus, 24 April 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
As a highly competitive amateur athlete, I have long been aware of the benefits of a highly polished scrotum pole and hair-free saddle-bags, especially when going for the `longer look' as displayed by Linford in his famous lunchbox.

Previously I had used the old-school method of a cutthroat razor, but as you can imagine, this was a tricky and delicate operation, and to make matters worse, it was difficult to get into a comfortable position in the chair at my local Barbers. Anyway, I am quite hairy down there and my snippet valve looks like Brian May's plughole so eventually the Barber said he could no longer perform the task for me. He also said that looking up my whizzer every Saturday at 11:30 put him off his lunch, as he usually has toad-in-the-hole followed by chocolate-coated donuts as a Saturday treat.

He did not want to leave me in the lurch and said that he had read some excellent reviews on Amazon about Veet for men and suggested I give it try.

Like many other reviewers, I made the mistake of not reading the bumph properly; I used the whole tube and completely coated my cock eggs, barse and nipsy with the stuff. Anyway, I lost track of time, and it was the foul stench of dissolving clinkers and melting hair that brought me to my senses. As I looked at my watch through the putrid fog that had formed around me, I could see that it had been applied for exactly 5 minutes 59 seconds. This presented me with a problem, as when the searing pain began, I was outside my flat, sat in the communal gardens, in a deck chair precisely 100 meters and 3 flights of stairs away from my bathroom. It was as if I had lowered my under-carriage through a volcano and into Hades, whereupon Beelzebub, annoyed by the uninvited intrusion, jabbed me in the rectum with his fork.

I took off from the deckchair like Usain Bolt out of the TV adverts. Within 12 seconds, the bathroom was filled with steamy fetid barse broth, and I had the clock weights, biffin's-bridge and Sherriff's badge under ice-cold running water at the tap end of the bath. This did not please the missus, as she was relaxing in there at the time surrounded by floating petals and candles, although she did say that the sight of my ringpiece flashing like a brake light was impressive, and she was pleased to see that my arse barnacles had all but disappeared.

When I looked at my watch again, I realised how quickly I had made it up the stairs and the idea dawned on me that I had discovered a 100% legal sports performance enhancer. Now when I compete in a competition I dab a small amount around my Samantha Janus and taint exactly 6 minutes before the race is due to start. If I am doing the hurdles, I change the ratio and put more on my barse to make me jump higher. This proved to be particularly effective a couple of weeks ago, as after crossing the hurdles finish line, I accidentally won the high jump and steeple chase too, looking for the water jump to wash the stuff off.

Now I can hear you all thinking that none of this is particularly extraordinary, especially given the reviews that you have already read. However, when I tell you that I am 45 years old, 5' 4" tall and weigh 15 stone, and I used to do the shot-put that should put things into context. As this is an Olympic year I think Tagnutt and Mandeville or whatever their names are, should be redesigned with hairless nether-regions and the British squad should use my technique and be sponsored by Veet, although I don't recommend it for the beach volley ball team.

5 Stars from me.
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582 of 649 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars good product, 15 April 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Makes my farts sound louder. The hair must have acted as a interlocking silencer.. I give this the big thumbs up. 5/5
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1,935 of 2,161 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not for nose hair, 14 April 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Although I understood the part about 'intimate use' I could not find anything about this not being for nose or ear hair. I get fed up with constantly cutting myself whilst trying to cut my ear and nose hair with a pair of Kitchen Scissors, so I decided that this product would work for me. I rubbed it up into my nostrils and around the outside of my ears. Very soon the burn started and trust me it really makes your eyes water. Probably more that if it was on your knob or bollocks like the other reviewer did. If your eyes do water, make sure the product is not on your hands when you go to wipe your eyes as this porodcut also removes eyelashes and eyebrows and makes youe eyes water even more. I look like I have been put on a sunbed for too long and people keep asking me why I am crying. Still, a good product which does what it says.
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1,525 of 1,703 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Spiced nuts, 3 May 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
Sergeant slaughter and his two lovely daughters
Do get the occasional trim.
New bird on the stage, nearly half my age
My purchase a bit of a whim

The instruction book did not get a look
I thought I knew how to use Veet
Whipped out my tower, whilst stood in the shower
Spreading it liberally all over my meat

I flipped off the cap, lifted up the old chap
Pushing the limits i'm sure
I wanted to groom in the valley of doom
Now my starfish is bleeding and raw

I tried to keep calm washing off the napalm
Leaving me all of a fluster
You could boil a small lake or cook a big steak
With the heat from my genital cluster.

Less grass on the wicked, but all's still not cricket
It does add an inch or two
A full week past, how long will it last?
Still unable to sit, stand or poo.

You may well cry but tears will dry,
Leaving balls as smooth as jam jars,
My slong looks huge, still no sign of pubes
So i'm happy to award it 5 stars
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389 of 434 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Dunna dunna dunna dunna....., 13 April 2012
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
I have recently started to date a younger girl and decided to "tidy myself" up with some serious manscaping as to increase the illusion of "looking bigger". I didn't want to go down the route of removing EVERYTHING so decided it would be fun to come up with a theme.

If any one else, like me, decides to try and draw the Batman logo down there I feel I should offer some advice!

1. Make a stencil first
2. Don't leave it on for to long
3. Don't run your hand though your hair (on head) whilst admiring yourself in the mirror and attempting work out roughly what 6 mins is in your head.

Needles to say I left it on too long and ended up with burnt testicles and single - let that be a warning!

I've awarded 5 stars at it did what you'd expect it to do - make you look like you never hit puberty.

Probably a product that shouldn't have been invented for dudes but, hey, it was a life experience
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