Top critical review
21 people found this helpful
Morally bankrupt concept with some questionable definitions of what constitutes a boy band
on 19 November 2006
Guess what?....It's nearly Christmas and those hideous marketing executives at music companies are busy thinking up ways to get the cretinous masses to part with their cash . With their usual paucity of imagination they have come up with this. A collection of songs by boy bands. My festive good cheer will not survive November if this is the sort of crud I am going to be exposed to.
Boy bands are pretty much past their sell by date , ever since One True Voice were marmalised by Girls Aloud girl bands have ruled the roost and no wonder . The execrable Atomic Kitten apart they have all produced at least a couple of songs that would tame a wild ferret. And to call a boy band the ultimate is a bit like congratulating someone who has just passed wind because it smells fouler than the last one they did.
And boy are there some stinkers on this album. Westlife , the one boy band who continue with any real modicum of success , mainly because they appeal to the same audience as Daniel O, Donnell, offer their usual torturous melange of smugness and emotional semolina - an horrendous version of an horrendous song -"Uptown Girl". Boyzone,s version of "When The Going Gets Tough" is even worse, they sound bored and disinterested but compared to the listener they are rapt with glee and doing cartwheels. This song is so weedy it would give Alan Titchmarsh nightmares. They pop up again with "Words" and if only that's all it was but no, they have ruined it further by singing and drizzling a fetid arrangement over the top.
To be honest some of the bands here should sue , as I'm sure they would resent being tagged as boy bands .Wet Wet Wet , loathsome though they are , were never a boy band and I'm convinced Curiosity Killed The Cat would rather be accused of bestiality than be labelled a boy band. "Down To Earth" is one of the few decent songs on here. A-Ha, s "The Sun Always Shines On TV" is like an amethyst in a septic tank in this company, as is "I'm A Believer" -a genuine pop marvel. Were Wham a boy band rather than just a pop group? I dunno but I do know that "Wake me Up" is extremely irritating and "Club Tropicana" is far superior. I also must confess I quite like "Bye Bye Baby "now, and believe you me, I would rather have drunk a dog excrement smoothie than admit that a few years ago. Plus "Never Forget" is a decent stab at high octane halcyon pop ,aided by the fact you can't make out the anti-Christ Robbie's vocals , the Osmonds song is pleasantly mellifluous and "I Want It That Way" always lodges in my head like some insidious South American tick.
The rest is truly unremittingly unutterably dire. I even loathe "Mmmbop", which is a song hardened music journo, s laud as a terrific pop song. I just find it as annoying as stepping in a discarded half eaten kebab on your doorstep first thing in the morning. It's hard to pick the nadir, but for me it's a toss up between PJ And Duncan (And I like Ant & Dec) and Sam & Mark. Both songs are so inescapably dreadful they go beyond mere annoyance to something approximating provocation. I am certain that if I committed some terrible crime and then claimed I ,d heard either of these two tracks minutes before I would be let off on the grounds of diminished responsibility . Keep it quiet though, we don't want real criminals using it in their defence.
Some decent stuff on here then , more than I would have thought possible virtue of some arguable definition of what constitutes a boy band. The fact remains this album is a morally bankrupt concept though and for that it deserves one star condemnation with no parole or time off for good behaviour.
In fact all copies should be buried for prosperity for some future ,no doubt, highly advanced generation to discover , where they will marvel at the follies we perpetrated. "We sort of understand the greed, violence, selfishness and sheer idiocy of the world then from a societal and progressive aspect "they will say( or maybe think telepathically) "But this thing with boy bands.....that's beyond even our highly developed comprehension".