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37 of 37 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars All I can say is WOW..., 15 Sep 1998
By A Customer
I'm able to find something I heartily disagree with in every childcare or child discipline book I read. Even in my favorites. But I thought my head was going to fall off I nodded so hard while reading this book. I used to hedge daily on discipline worrying I was "hurting" my kids too much when I had to enforce loss of privileges. This book made me see that all consequences are painful...they are supposed to be. But painful and harmful are not the same thing. Just because my child is temporarily unhappy, that doesn't mean she is permanently scarred. All growth is painful. The flip side to the advice is you should balance your enforcement of consequences with empathy, affection, and support. You are neither your child's enemy nor his friend. You are his parent.
I was able to immediately put the good advice to use right away and my family is so much more peaceful! Boundaries really are good for building character, increasing empathy, and as converse as it may sound, strengthening the relationship between you and your children. The authors are both psychotherapists and devout Christians. I thought the Christian bent might annoy me but the scriptures quoted were used sparingly and only enhanced the eloquence and relevance of the text.
I wholeheartedly recommend this book to friends and relatives, Christian and secular. Buy this book and you will walk around thinking "I know which boundaries HIS/HER parents didn't enforce as a child." What an enlightening book!
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25 of 25 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Thought-provoking, 25 Aug 2003
By 
This book is about teaching your kids to take responsibility for their actions, and to respect other people. The message is that learning this can be painful for kids, but that you, as the parent, need to teach them these lessons. The book argues that it is better to calmly and clearly tell your child what you expect from them, and what will happen if they choose not to do this, rather than to nag them, or get angry with them, or let them get away with unacceptable behaviour. So, for example, a child who is rude to his/her parents might be 'grounded' and not allowed to be with his/her friends until he/she can demonstrate they can behave in a more sociable manner. Or a child who doesn't do his/her household chores won't get any pocket money. Or a child who interrupts will get ignored.
The concept is a simple one, but if, like me, you have a tendency to want to 'make everything OK' for your kids, it is a good reminder that parenting isn't a popularity contest, and that sometimes the best thing you can do for your children is to let them feel the consequences of their own actions, even if that hurts them.
Personally, I didn't like the style of the book - the authors are Christians, the book has many references to the bible, and is very 'clean-cut American' (for want of a better way of describing it). But I felt that the messages are valuable to anyone, of any religion or background. I haven't read the authors' other book (Boundaries) but the book also challenged my own behaviour, attitudes and motivation. I would say it is well worth a read, especially if (like me!) you are inclined to be a bit soft on your kids.
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Helps you to help your kids set guideslines for their life., 25 July 1999
By A Customer
This is the book you wish your parents had! But you can start today, with your own children. The authors first Boundaries book is my "best" book. It helped me tremenoudly with my own life. And from quality people, here is another book to help you help your kids set the best boundaries for their own life. We can't to it for them, they will make their own mistakes. But we can show them what good decision-making does and allow them to have consequences for their decisions. I can't say enough about this book. I wish I had found it years ago when my oldest two sons were children. You will really equip yourself with this book to be a loving, effective parent.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Clear off your bookshelf-this is "The ONE!", 19 Jun 1999
By A Customer
Throw out all those other parenting books...this is THE ONE!!!! Not only did I find it to be wonderful for parenting, it helped me to see where MY bounderies need some help. This is a great book to give to a parent who needs some help in their own issue of bounderies. While reading about their children, they will want to be "healthier" in their own life. It is always less intimidating and scarey to read something that "fingers" an area in SOMEONE ELSE'S life first. Then, as you see the need and beniefts,it is easier to bravely deal with your own. This would be a great gift to Grandparents too. It would help them to not "re-parent" behind your back as so often happens.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars If you want your children to succeed in life, read this., 19 Jun 1998
By A Customer
This book has been an answer to my prayers. If you want to be a good parent and do what's best for your children, you need to learn how. Boundaries with Kids teaches you how and ties the how to biblical scripture. Most parents want to do things for their kids in hopes that they will like them. That doesn't equate to buying lots of things or giving in to their every desire. Raising children is not a congeniality contest, it is an awesome responsibility. If you truly care for your children and want to do what's best for them you need to raise them to become independent. To teach them moral values and the difference between right and wrong. If your struggling with raising your child but want to do what's best for him or her. Get started by buying this book, its a winner.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Boundaries with Kids, when to say yes, how to say no, 8 Feb 2009
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Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
An excellent parenting book, with practical examples that you can put in practice immediately as you read (our experience with a 4 year old boy). Examples for all ages, including adolescents. Highly recommend this book to any parents frustrated with wondering who is in charge!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic must have book, 14 Sep 2013
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This review is from: Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No (Kindle Edition)
This is the best parenting book I have found, I have found the advice really logical, and easy to put into practice. And it is working for us! Once you understand the principles behind it, then it is something you can remember and put into place. I have it on kindle, with so many pages bookmarked that I think I will just have to buy multiple hard copies-one for me and the rest to give to my friends! I think it would be good for non Christian friends, too, as it does not bible bash, but actually serves to demonstrate how reliable the advice in the bible is, into the present day. For example, the base principle that you reap what you sow, and that you must teach children there are consequences for their behaviour, and then give them those consequences-better to learn that lesson from you who loves them, than from the cold hard world later!
The advice also encompasses all age groups, which is handy. You can adapt your response to the age groups of your children.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Good Book, 6 Jun 2014
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Helen W (Newcastle upon Tyne UK) - See all my reviews
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Lots of helpful information and easy to read and apply to everyday life. It can be looked at again and again.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended, 18 May 2014
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This review is from: Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No (Kindle Edition)
If you had an authoritarian up bringing this is for you, wonderful book, I did and I am thankful all the same for my upbringing. But I am learning what to keep and what not to keep. I tell everyone I know to read this book, because it's a real blessing, Prayerfully read this book and ask god to help you use what you have read in your home wisely. You will see the peace you start to develop daily.
One of the things I have taken from this book, is that it's ok for my son to behave the way he does. I don't have to get upset with him for testing the boundaries. I must be firm in my duties had his mum, and stand firm in my role as mum, but love him throughout, showing empathy, and not detaching myself from him when he is misbehaving. Thanks be to god!!!
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5.0 out of 5 stars great, 14 April 2014
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this book was a great help a little religious but put that aside and some excellent ideas on setting the boundaries its been passed all round my friends
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