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115 of 118 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Superb, enlightening, book to help you live
Firstly, although the authors are Christian and have wriiten this book with numerous biblical references, you do not have to be a believer yourself to understand their 'message'. Personal 'boundaries' are as equally relevant to Moslems, Buddhists and so on, as they are to 'non believers like myself.
Many of us were brought up without a clear indication of the...
Published on 30 Nov 2002 by Smudger

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Not good
I personally thought this book was rubbish and learnt more online than I got from this book. The Christian parts are very frustrating.
Published 1 month ago by rebecca anstey


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115 of 118 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Superb, enlightening, book to help you live, 30 Nov 2002
By 
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
Firstly, although the authors are Christian and have wriiten this book with numerous biblical references, you do not have to be a believer yourself to understand their 'message'. Personal 'boundaries' are as equally relevant to Moslems, Buddhists and so on, as they are to 'non believers like myself.
Many of us were brought up without a clear indication of the concept of boundaries. The nearest I can recall is that my father went to work to earn money which kept us and my mother cooked and kept house. As for children, well, they were to be seen, but not heard! There must have been other 'boundaries' that I was taught, but they are not obvious (even now at 56 years of age). Looking back on my life I can see that had I known of and developed boundaries such as those in this excellant book, my life would have been less 'hassle' and I would have been more easily understood by others.
Drs. Cloud and Townsend are clinical psychologists and their insight and knowledge of human interactions is 'mindblowing'. As an example, many of us who are in conflict with someone often take our grievences to a third party. Sometimes it is for advice, but probably more often than not we hope 'they' will agree that we are 'in the right'. By doing so, we put people in positions that is impossible, probably only with the facts that you wish them to have and the risk is that 'the problem' ropes in others who should not be involved.
However, these Christian authors are quite clear that the best way is to confront people with behaviour that you find difficult to cope with and work out a solution with them. Obvious isn't it? Only though, how many of us tackle problems in such a direct manner? Many Christians have been taught that the 'right way' is to turn the other cheek or show love instead. Therefore, it is immensely refreshing to receive advice from Christian authors that appear more human based and reassuringly effective in many cases, but not always I hasten to add.
They tell us that 'confrontation' helps both parties to 'grow'. All this seems common sense, but how many of us interact with others in the tradional Christian way?
There is so much good advice throughout this book (I particularly liked the 'spiritual laws') that it will be a constant companion to me for the remainder of my life.
Interestingly, this book has generated a respect in me of the Holy Bible that I neve had previously had. Thank you Drs Cloud and Townsend for a really helpful and important work.
I will be a more mature and a less complex character in my dealings with people I come into contact with as a result of your excellant book.
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33 of 34 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book may change your life forever!!, 10 Jun 1998
By A Customer
This book is what "self-help" books should be! Not only does it clearly define what boundaries are, but it clearly explains how they are developed (or not developed), and how having boundaries (or the lack thereof) affects every area of our lives. If you aren't sure you understand what boundaries are (much less how to have them in your life), this book is for you. If you have been going through life feeling that something is missing, but you can't quite figure out what's wrong, this book may change your life forever! I know it changed mine! It's much more than just learning when to say "yes" and when to say "no". It's about knowing what defines you as individual. While it emphasizes accepting responsibility for yourself -- your thoughts, actions, feelings -- it is by no means a "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" kind of book! It truly is one of the best blends of Christianity and clinical psychology I have ever read!
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48 of 51 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Life changing, 30 Aug 2006
By 
Amazon Customer (Bristol, England) - See all my reviews
This is a life-changing book, and a classic. I thnk the main message of the book can be summarised very simply: I need to understand where my boundaries are; take responsibility for the things within my own boundaries; and allow other people to take responsibility for the things within their boundaries.

Several aspects of the book can be quite annoying.

* It is American, with the cultural assumptions and norms that this implies.

* It is very Christian, with many references to Biblical stories and providing chapter and verse references to most of the quotes. This is not a problem for me, but I suspect it will limit the accessibility of the book for prople who are not evangelical Christians, which is a pity because the content works whatevery you believe.

* The style is very repetitive and obvious: you hear about the experiencs of a person who is struggling with areas of their life, they get taught how to apply appropriate boundaries, and you then hear about how much better their life is now that they apply the principles we have taught them.

All of which is to say that the book grates on some people's nerves. But don't let this put you off: whatever the problems of culture and style, the content is relevant and vital. If you are not applying these principles, this book could be one of the most important you will ever read; and if you are, it will help you understand why your life is so much better than most of the people around you - and how to help them take control of their lives.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars For anyone who has ever wanted to set even one boundary!, 16 May 1998
By A Customer
I have worked as a jail chaplain for almost twenty years and this book has been both an inspiration and a clarifier. Not only is it important for me to set clear boundaries in the work place with inmates, but because of the nature of the work on my personal life, I've needed to set countless boundaries in my relationship with people who don't understand my love and concern for the incarcerated. I have asked all of my volunteers to read the book also because we've used it as a teaching tool for inmates, most of whom have never learned how to set boundaries. We have found it most helpful in dealing with battered and abused women, as well as those needing anger management. Because the text is filled with biblical principles, I believe it is in line with what God chooses for us, but allows us to make the choice for ourselves. Personally, I also have children and grandchildren and I'm using the guidelines to create a place of harmony in my home. Thank you, Drs. Cloud and Townsend for giving us a user friendly guide to boundaries and the happiness they give.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Creating Boundaries can be very helpfull!, 22 Jan 2011
An interesting and intriguing book on why we need boundaries. A book that is Christian oriented, but I also think a book that can read by anyone, even those who are not Christians or faith based, as long as they take the messages on aspects of boundary problems and disregard the biblical messages. This book is divided into three parts.

Part one, What are boundaries, which describes the issues of boundary problems in real life cases, what boundary problems are like, including different aspects of boundary issues, how boundaries are developed, the ten laws of boundaries according to the authors(which can be debateable, but are definitely helpful), and common boundary myths which deals on how you develop boundaries, without hurting yourself, other people's feelings and needs whilst developing boundaries.

Part two, Boundary conflicts, which deals with addressing boundaries between a person and their families, friends, spouses, children, work, god and even boundaries with the person itself. A chapter is dedicated to each of these, and although the chapters can leave a person debating on this issues addressed, I found it mostly helpful within the concept of the whole books contents and it dealt with a lot of issues with different boundary conflict between my life and the lives of others I affect.

Part Three, Developing healthy boundaries, with chapters including resistance to boundary changes(internal/external), and how success can be measured with boundaries and a day in life with boundaries, showing how a boundary oriented life is different with a boundary problematic life, with an example of a real-life scenario case first shown in part one of the book.

Overall a good book that deals with a very debatable and some sensitive topics and a very good effort to at least show what boundaries are and the different way they can be addressed when creating boundaries within a person's life.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book, 24 May 2011
This is a fantastic book that teaches you to set healthy bounderies.some people always expect you to say yes and sometimes we even feel obligated to some of them because of something they did.This book has and is teaching me to set healthy bounderies.Its a very enlightening book and i highly recommend it especially to people who always feel they have to say yes even when its hurting them.love it
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Life changing book, 18 Feb 2011
Reading 'Boundaries' caused a light to switch on in my head, regarding some problems I have encountered over years.
It is clear and to the point, with relevant reference to Bible texts, showing how we are all responsible for developing and maintaining healthy boundaries in our lives. This is essential to avoid being manipulated by others, both at work and those in close relationships with us. A chapter on boundaries and yourself is equally important and helpful in addressing issues nearly all of us face. I would recommend it to anyone who is struggling with a sense of life being out of control.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Do I need to read this book?, 17 Oct 2010
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
The best I can do is quote what someone else has already said: "Leah's opinion is that if you are breathing, you do need to read it."

This book is the best cure for needless guilt that anyone can have. Read it, apply it, and get control of your life. It really does do what it says on the tin.
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21 of 23 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars For People in Recover, 12 Nov 2002
By A Customer
This book is excellent for people who have been or are currently in relationships with alcohol of chemically dependent people. Whether you have grown up in a dysfunctional family where boundaries are not given, or if you are currently part of a family or relationship where you need to start putting boundaries in place. This book teaches us how to recognise where and when we need boundaries including clear advice about how to put them in place. It is a brilliant read and recommended.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect for understanding the importance of boundaries., 7 May 1999
By A Customer
How come so many people in our society haven't been aware of this approach to improving our relationships with God, other people and ourselves? This is an excellent book!!! The examples of boundaries are very helpful. If you have had relationship problems in your life, this will really help you to understand why, and what needs to be done to heal. We have used it for a spiritual based discussion group and it has been remarkable to see the profound effects it has had in other people's lives as well as my own. Read this book!!!
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