on 4 January 2004
This rating only applies if you like cheesy, poor and bad films. This is the first 'ninja' film I've seen. I was impressed.
Billy, a mysteriously Australian dubbed, young man returns from 10 years with his ninja master 'Gordon'. He defends his families home from a group of a gangstas lead by the ominous 'Larry'. Young Billy is forced to action using fists and M4 machine guns, but not swords. The police are powerless to help, because all the recruits are sissy college boys rather than fighters. Also Billy is in love with the Police chief's daughter (yes, after ten years)and he forbids his daughter from seeing him because he is a dangerous man.
Meanwhile on a seemingly unrelated matter Ivan the Red (a white, that is caucasian, ninja master) has challenged Gordon (Billy's master) to a duel. Until Gordon rises to the challenge he will kill the few ninjas left one at a time (all caucasian!?!). I won't ruin the ending though.
The fighting is terrible if athletic, the shoot outs are awful. The acting is dire as is emphasised by the really bad dubbing.
This film contains my favourite quote ever; "Billy, I just don't know how your ninja skills will help you get a job." You can always count on mums to bring up carrer oppurtunities regardless of the occasion.
I you can stand it, watch it!
on 19 February 2006
Firstly, I'd like to point out that if you consider yourself a "serious" martial arts movie fan and haven't seen a Godfrey Ho ninja film, you may be a little too serious.
True to this director's genius form, an unfinished Asian movie has been bought, and spliced with some completely unbelieveable footage of white ninjas (I forget whether the god-like Richard Harrison is in this one or not) in completely awesome suits and headbands which say "Nin-Ja" with a little picture of a ninja in the middle, randomly fighting one another with no relevance to any semblance of a storyline which may or may not be present.
From what I could understand of this movie, there's some love, some fast-paced fighting action, some cheesy music, some truly appalling dubbing... it's all here.
Incidentally, there's an added bonus with this film because you can play "guess the accent" with the dubbed voices: they're from all over the globe, y'know.
Oh, and how could I fail to mention Ivan the Red, some sort of deadly assassin (apparently) who seems to want to kill the ninja in the spangly pink suit (some sort of master?)... he's a pretty deadly looking dude (if you're blind).
This is a truly, truly great film, with a hilarity factor of about 1 million.
Watch it or miss out.
on 24 May 2014
Billy has had a hard time, mother and girlfriend murdered, sister kidnapped and another girlfriend not allowed to see him any more because there is some dire Ninja killings going on in her police chief father's jurisdiction. Gordon is the top Ninja and Larry is the head criminal. Billy has an Australian accent and Lyn sounds like she's from South Carolina. The splicing in of the Ninja story and the Philipino film is really badly done. The print quality in some places is atrocious and very dark in places.
The Ivan the Red angry cockerny Ninja story is stupid and his fights last about 30 seconds and are rubbish. The final fight with Gordon is total rubbish. This footage looks like it was filmed in the countryside of Wales.
The only stolen music I recognized was Hawkwind's In Search of Space and there seemed to be a Tangerine Dream track which I didn't recognize during the incredibly dull boatyard scene at the end. There also seemed to be some goth track used. Better music than Ninja Dragon ( where Dragon wasn't even a Ninja).
Billy the newly graduated Ninja doesn't use much martial arts but favours machineguns.
As usual with the genius Godfrey Ho a lot of the plot is confusing and the ending is total rubbish. Larry does something at the end but somehow it was bad boy Ivan who did it - he travelled from Wales to the Philippines.
If you have a sense of humour get this, the 4 film 2 disc "Martial Arts" is available for a penny and has the most important film never to have won 15 Oscars...Ninja Terminator which is beyond reality.
I have ordered 7 Godfrey Ho films which cost £13 including postage which I am really looking forward to.
"Gordon 's a great Ninja" iiiiieeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
on 6 October 2013
Ivan the Red Ninja gets a monk on when 'Supreme Ninja Master Gordon' refuses to face him in a battle to find out who is the most double~hard ninja master ever.
So in retaliation, Ivan goes hunting down all the remaining ninjas, stealing their ninja super powers, by defeating them and taking their sacred ninja powered headbands. While 'Supreme Ninja Master Gordon' sits down a lot and reflects on this..
In the meantime, his best student Billy has returned home (to the Philippines!?!) and finds his neighbourhood has been twinned with down~town Damascus, during his absence whilst off ninja training, and his trailer park has become over run by baddies who kidnap his little sister...
He's got a bloody brass neck on him has Godfrey Ho for making these cheap assed 'ninja' films in the mid eighties! They're almost always absolutely terrible.. and this one's no different!
They often star Richard Harrison as Ninja Master Gordon and are some inept hybrid of crap foreign action movies, made on a budget of twelve pence, nicked from wherever, then spliced together (this one being the philippino actioner 'Hatulan si baby angustia'), complete with all new 'mystical ninja babble' footage.
The action in this one is A~Team standard at best, spiced up with Harrison posing in a fluorescent pink and silver ninja onesie. The acting and (more so) dubbing is atrocious, the effects are laughable and the story, some sort of mental Highlander rip off, for ultra camp Power Ranger enthusiasts, makes no sense whatsoever. . .
2.75/5 Feel free to liberally add or take away stars willy nilly, dependent on your tolerance of this films ridiculousness!