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3.7 out of 5 stars
Troll 2 [1989] [DVD]
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
on 20 August 2004
This film is the most fantastic combination of rubbish acting, cheap-ass effects and terrible story line that it'll have you rolling around more than the great Film 2000's GRANNY! Please see this film and laugh yourself silly. After all someone had the balls to make this piece of hilarious trash. So funny words do not describe.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
on 20 August 2004
Absolutely, staggeringly, mind blowingly, shockingly poor. With so much crappy acting, special effects editing, fake gore, blood and shat story points that it challenges Granny as the worst film of all time. Yet the film is sooo bad that it is possibly the funniest thing since Baseketball, Ace Ventura and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Absolutely, positively the greatest horror crap of all time. Miss it at your absolute peril, although seeing it will probably kill too!
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on 14 October 2011
Holy smokes this was quite a find. My friend made me aware of this gem and I was drawn to purchasing the DVD from the previous hilarious 5 star and one star reviews on Amazon.

Firstly we should assess the complex plot (if that descriptive can be used here)which develops into a wonderful gash of magic, mystery and mayhem. A family are participating in a house swap and wind up in a small remote town named NILBOG. All is not what it seems and their adventures begin when they foolishly attempt to indulge in the luminous green food which has been left for them. I don't want to go into too many plot details and spoil the fun but let's just say they have a few run ins with the simple townfolk and a band of maurading vegetarian goblins (not Trolls but naming the movie this only adds to the bizzare nature) who are hell bent on being devious, sly and very very nasty.

The family themselves are the typical American sort just trying to make their way in life and enjoy a short break. They consist of a wildly deranged mother who seems heavily medicated and has a knack for being authoratitive yet fair whilst staring like a banshee at the camera, a father figure who seems bored with family life and indeed bored by the terrifying goblins, he seems quite good in hand to hand combat when required. The tomboy daughter does weights, causes friction and hates her boyfriend because he has friends (why does she bother?). The main character, son Joshua is a true American hero, very level headed, finds logic in a non-sensical situation and contacts his dead Grampa Seth (who has magical powers beyond any Marvel or DC superhero)to seek advice and aid in these terrible times of need. The Goblin Queen, Creedence is an amazing character, so evil, so sexy, so manic, so devine. The goblins themselves are vicious, devoted to filling their bellies but show some confusion when confronted. There are some other flimsies who are the typical 80's cannon fodder for the gobbo's, best to discover their misfortunes youselves.

Troll 2 is without doubt quite a spectacle, probably one of the finest pieces of cinematice trash in the history of mankind. That's not to say I didn't enjoy every minute of it! There's no boring scenes (honestly, there isn't)and the special effects rival that of all modern day blockbusters. I can see how the actors were selected on their skills and potential for future employment in the industry.

The content is utterly laughable and will have the viewer truly shocked at the dialogue and situation, giggling uncontrollably at the action scenes and characters, terrified by the 80's synth music and horrific danger and bewildered by the superb plot twists and developments. Never-ever watch Troll 2 alone, it must be discussed afterwards in great depth and quoted from now till the last shread of it's existance is deleted from mankind. I feel somehow refreshed and revitalised from just one viewing. So bad it's great, I can't promise you won't have nightmares though!

p.s. Special shout out to the sinister shop keeper.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
on 16 March 2007
This movie has changed my life! Before watching it i had enjoyed funny movies, (e.g. Tommy Boy, The King Of Comedy, Spinal Tap). I had also enjoyed so-crap-it's-funny movies, (e.g. Plughead Rewired: Circuitry Man II, Jingle All The Way, Granny). This movie is definitely both the crappest and funniest thing i have ever seen in my life.

What can i say poorly written, directed, acted, lit, edited, etc. If you are a fan of Darth Marenghi's Dark Place you can throw it away. Go for the real thing! This movie will have you and your friends passing back and forth quotes, playing drinking games, and generally just adoring the greatest picture ever! Buy it now!
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on 27 January 2004
This is simply astonishing ! Such combination of bad acting, top of the trash special effects and very hillarious plot can only be seen in this movie. I wouldn't classify it as horror but as comedy. If you want to laugh and be amused, and have a one-life movie experience buy this and show it to all your friends ! I am pleased to have it and to watch it every day !!!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on 29 October 2010
I am not joking when I say everyone should see Troll 2. It is quite an achievement to make something as retarded and funny as Troll 2 and try to pass it off as a horror film.

The movie is about a family who trade places with another family in the woods. When they arrive they soon find out that there are evil trolls who turn their victims into plants before eating them. There's something to do with this witch or something but honestly I missed alot of the plot from laughing so much.

The dialog is fantastic. I'm sure you have heard the infamous "Oh my GAAAAAAWWWWWWDDDD" on Youtube, but that isn't even the best line. There is a particularly hilarious scene early on that takes place in the family car. I won't ruin it, but let's just say it involves the song "Row Your Boat".

Make sure you see this movie. Yes, it is awful. Probably one of the worst movies ever made. But if you want to have a good time or are in the need of a good laugh, look no further.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on 3 February 2009
This doesn't have quite the same charm to it as its predecessor. Whereas Troll was Primarily fantasy, Troll 2 goes towards the Horror path. It is still a very good movie which is worthy of being made unlike many sequels. However, if you loved Troll, you may be slightly disappointed with the change of styles. It is still good fun, but there is just a bit more malice and intent in this sequel. Whereas, the previous was suitable for a slightly younger audience this one isn't. It could almost be a Troma movie with the excessive usage of green gunk. It is also a bit reminiscent of Swamp Thing style movies, people turning into plants. It is original and it is fun and the fact that you are even looking at this page means that you are obviously the type of person who enjoys this type of film, so all I can say is buy it.

Update November 2009: Troll 2 has become recognised as the worst horror movie ever made and this has led to it gaining cult status. This is a good thing, because now a documentary has been made: The Best Worst Movie. This is a feature length documentary which is going to explore the Troll 2 phenomenon through the story of the cast of characters that took part in its creation and why it is celebrated by fans worldwide. It definitely is not the worst horror movie ever made but I guess I can concede that it might just be the most ridiculous!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on 27 December 2008
I love bad movies like this, because theres a geniune labour of love thats gone into this film. As in effort made, not just a cheap cash in but the pride and joy or some dilirous film makers.

First up Troll 2 is no relation to Troll, the film was actually called Goblins until the film makers decided to call it Troll 2 to hopefully intrege fans of another film by an entirely different group called Troll.

The film itself isn't all that enjoyable, as it doesn't make enough sense for you to understand what is going on. This means a lot of WTF moments and very little intreging ones. As such you can't get into this film, but you fill the void outside of it, paying attention to it but only when something visually dumb is happening on screen.

Regardless theres many so bad their funny scenes to this film, laughably over the top dialogue and questionable character motives. But the film's conclusion is very breif after a lot of pointless build ups meaning its not even rewardingly funny.

Even so theres a brilliant sense of tackiness and talentlessness that runs through the entire production, from the terrible special effects to the plot, it's good fun but as bad movies go it doesn't really hold you intrest.

Try Manos Hands of Fate instead if your after a terrible but hilarious movie.
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**This review is for the film only**

As if this film warrents the gloss and glitz of the DVD and Blu Ray treatment. I can't believe for one minute that any of these 4 and 5 star reviews are anything but a joke. The acting is unbelievably bad, I've done better myself trying to bunk a day off of work.

The effects (shakes his head and sighs) It's basically a bunch of dwarves wearing cheap goblin halloween masks and buckets of mint sauce being chucked about all over the place.

The script (sniggers), well, let me just say this, for a film called Troll 2 and to be a follow up to a film called Troll which had lots of Trolls in it, you'd expect for there to be Trolls right? Wrong! There isn't a single Troll in the film, plenty of cr*p goblins that come from a town called Nilbog (Geddit? No? Try Reading it backwards and try not to groan too loudly), but not a Troll in sight.

(Slight spoilers, like you really care) Most horror films about monsters usually have a big explosive climax, this however, has no explosions whatsoever, in fact, the main weapon in the film is a CHEESE & BOLONY SANDWICH!
I BEEP! you not! OoOoOh! How terrifying, run for the hills, there's a 10 year old with a cheese and bolony sandwich running after me. Who needs a missile launcher when you can kick ass with a meat and cheese sarnie?

The plot is basically this, get ready to pinch yourself. A bunch of stupid goblins, are leaving "special" vegetables (No not the ones you're thinking of) on peoples doorsteps, these then turn humans into big piles of mint sauce when eaten, allowing the goblins (that just happen to be vegetarians) to eat what's left of the humans (seriously).

I mean, what plonker would eat food left randomly on thier doorsteps to start with? And to say the goblins are vegetarians and can't eat meat, they all have pointy, sharp carnivorous teeth, I could go on and on, I swear it must have been written by a right Rodney.

Not only is this pile of steaming tripe, cheap, awful and painful to watch but it's also unforgivably lazy. The boom mike pops into view about 50 times as if the sound man was too bloody weak to hold the mike out of view for more than 3 seconds. There are occasions where the cast forget thier lines and stutter and mumble before finally blurting out the dialogue.

The editor must have been Stevie Wonder, as only a blind man could possibly miss the continuity mistakes throughout this turkey of a film. In one instance, the actors shirt keeps mysteriously unbuttoning itself and then re-buttoning itself back up again, while his glasses jump from being on top of his head to being on his face during a conversation. In another, the door in the background keeps opening and closing all on its own. While at one point, you can clearly see one of the crew members in the background eating his packed lunch (and I wouldn't be surprised if his sandwiches had a higher budget than the film did, it's probably his sanchwiches they use to fight the goblins at the end)

I've seen some real trash in my time, trash that's so poor, that with the aid of a few mates and a crate of booze, makes for a right good unintentional laugh.
This however, is one of those films that's so bad, it leaves you feeling flat and depressed, that you've been stupid enough to have given these planks 90 minutes of your life, that you can never get back.

If you value your life, existence on earth and even your sanity, do not sit through this rotten pilchard of an excuse for a film.

One last thing, if you did manage to see the original film "Troll" and liked it, making you curious about a possible sequel. Take it from me, this film may be called Troll 2 but it has about as much connection to the first film as Mother Theresa does to Gary Glitter.

It's BEEP! like this that makes me think Amazon should allow a minus rating on site, I feel really guilty for being forced to give it a whole star.

0/10 Avoid!!!
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
on 24 January 2004
I can't believe the quality and superb casting that is shown in this motion picture. If you like Titanic (james cameron) or Patriot, this will be a rollacoaster ride to amazment !!!!
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