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4.5 out of 5 stars34
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on 6 July 2005
I don't usually gravitate towards the dominance side of bdsm but I did have a lover at one time who wished to explore his own submissive nature. This book is an excellent education for any woman or man, for that matter, who is interested in experiencing female dominance. This is not a simple overview of female dominance or bdsm techniques but a true manual that takes you through the evolution of becoming a Mistress and the enacting of fantasy with your male partner. If you are new to the concept of female dominance this is an excellent book to guide you through the pleasure and pain of being the ultimate Nursemaid, Governess, Queen, Amazon, or Goddess. The book is broken into three main sections: Becoming a Mistress, The Mistress in Action, and The Five Archetypal Fantasies.
Becoming a Mistress brings light to idea of female dominance and the pleasure that can come from command while also discussing the psychological aspects of dominance and finding a partner to explore your fantasies. I enjoyed this section immensely since so many factors concerning personal guilt and relationships are addressed in regards to female dominance. If you're new to the sensual art of dominance you will gather a great deal of self-awareness and understanding in this section concerning bdsm and female dominance
The Mistress in Action begins the real sexual play of dominance between you and your male partner. From the language of dominance to the ties that bind you'll learn some basics that you can expand on with additional reading. This is an excellent book for the novice domme. Once you and our submissive discover specific items that are enjoyable I highly recommend SM101 by Jay Wiseman to explore more techniques and in-depth understanding of BDSM.
The Five Archetypal Fantasies are The Nursemaid, The Governess, The Queen, The Amazon, and the Goddess. Each archetype is outlined from elements of the fantasy, skills needed in the fantasy, enacting the perfect scenario, and variations of each fantasy. If you're unsure how to begin this section will eliminate all doubts. This is a step by step how to from what you should be thinking to create the fantasy to what to wear.
Another great part of this book is that conflict between fantasy choice between you and your submissive is discussed and addressed thoroughly so that everybody wins so you can move on to the sensual art of female dominance. As I mentioned I don't gravitate to dominance but if I ever needed to help someone fulfill their fantasy to be dominated by a Nursemaid, Governess, Queen, Amazon, or Goddess I know exactly how to take control now that I've read The Mistress Manual.
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on 7 May 2001
Having fantasised about having a girlfriend properly understand what pleasures a mistress/ sub relationship holds it was refeshing to find a book that sums it up so neatly. I tentatively bought it for a new girlfriend and, taking heart from what I read (the style and content are wonderfully well written) gave it to her. Once over the initial surprise we read it together and now have some fantastic mistress/ slave scenarios. She testify's to the books persuasive nature and loves the in-depth descriptions of different scenes. My bottom testifies to that!
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on 2 August 2010
This book is only useful if you happen to have a partner who fits the stereotyped male submissive that Lorelei has based 99% of her book on. She appears to base most of her assumptions off of those who pay for Mistress services or vague anecdotes that she doesn't back up with any kind of reference. My partner does not desire to be turned into a sissy maid, feel at all inclined towards fetishistic transvestism nor does he want to be dressed up as an adult baby. That just about rules out using the Archetype section. We have absolutely no inclination to make up scripts, get outfits and make stage sets to play out little games either, which seems to be the brand of Dominance being peddled here.

There was no real discussion about submissiveness, why men feel submissive (plenty about why they SHOULD be submissive) nor was there particularly practical advice on female dominance. I could have assumed I can be however I want to be without paying for a book to tell me that.

This is a book about role play, fetish psychodrama and fantasy. It's not about Dominance, submission or of any practical use in the relationship sense.

I'm not even going to bother keeping it. I'm sending it back for exchange for something better.
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on 20 December 2000
Mistress Lorelei skillfully guides the reader through the many pitfalls of Female Domination. The advice is based on the majority of peoples real situations, and does not dwell on 24/7 relationships. It is far more down to earth and realistic. Set out such that any chapter can be read on its own, or read cover to cover. I could hardly put it down.
It is indispensible for those seeking to broaden their horizons with their partner, but do not know how to broach the subject. For those already involved in Female Domination it provides a number of useful tips and further ideas to broaden the scope of play.
The bondage enthusiast may be left slightly disappointed as other books offer more by way of techniques and practices. However, this book builds on what many of these books miss, the satisfaction of both parties needs from a scene.
An essential addition to any enthusiasts library!
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on 21 November 2001
He wants it, he really does...he wants you take control, and Mistress Lorelei will help you do it. This book identifies the different types of Domme/sub relationship and gives suggestions for fantasy scenes, techniques, and safety.
You can have him eating out of your hand, or anywhere else for that matter. For those interested in developing the more feminine side of their man , (and getting the washing up and shoe cleaning done) get The Sissy Maid training manual by the same author.
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on 15 February 2002
Generally i found the book lacking in new ideas. Although i personally am pretty new to the s+m scene i expected to read about issues and ideas that i had not yet experienced. Don't get me wrong - this is a well laid out beginners guide which makes for excellent bedtime reading. I wish it was a bit more in depth with regard to slave training and more adventurous punishments. Whatever you do - don't let your slave / sub get his/her hands on this - it could give away all your top secrets!! I recommend this as a first time s+m guide!
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on 31 October 2014
This one was okay, but I felt that it suffered from the same problem as The Hesitant Mistress - but to a lesser extent. I felt like a lot of basic assumptions had been made about me, the reader, that just weren't true. I wanted a book to help me overcome my reservations about topping because I don't like the egomaniac I become when I'm in charge - a phenomenon which I've since found out is quite common (not that it helps me overcome it). The assumption made is that "you have been brought up to believe that Nice Girls don't Take Charge." I was actually brought up to believe that women are superior to men, I had to overcome that, and I wanted a book that would explain about being a mistress whilst staying nice, rather than "overcoming your nice nature" (which I don't have a problem with).
There was a lot of useful information in this book and I have kept it for the information on the key fantasies, and given that this book was written in 1999 I guess the view on heteronormative relationships was probably fine at the time, but I think this book could do with an update for those of us who were still at school when it was first published, because attitudes and values have changed. It's unfortunate that this is still the best book I've found that's completely devoted to the subject of FemDom, since there are some brilliant chapters in some compendium books but this is the only one that deals uniquely with this subject without having to trawl through 200 pages of other kinks. Why does everyone say "there's loads of books on the topic" when there aren't? This book and the compendium "Come Hither" and the niche spanking book "The Adult Spanking And Discipline Handbook" are my three favourites for BDSM information geared towards female dominance which treat the subject in a good way without all the "you're being so feminist!" crap that totally disenfranchises the experience of the submissive female.
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on 16 April 2014
This publication has been in print a long time, indeed going out of print and being resurrected by Greenery Press. For that we should be thankful. It has some good material and was once one of the only books on the subject of being a Mistress.

It is written from a lifestyle Mistress perspective, and focuses in on what the author regards as the 5 archetypes which she writes are the basic patterns of male submissive fantasies.
1) The affectionate Nursemaid 2) The stern Governess 3) The harsh and exacting Queen 4) The cruel Amazon 5) The Goddess

For those unfamiliar with the psychology of male submissive fantasies, this provides some helpful insight and ideas, on how one might incorporate female domination into their relationship or sex-life, to accommodate their man's submissive desires. This is the book's strength, and the reason it remains a classic. It is though based significantly on roleplay, of "acting", and as such - can feel for some a little twee or tacky.

For those wanting to tap into the deeper realms of domination, it's ritual background in ancient religion, and the "arts" practised by professional Dominatrices, I'd recommend looking at 'The History & Arts of the Dominatrix', and in particular the last section on the Seven Realm Arts - which describes what Dominatrices do in sessions, the what and the why. There is more emphasis there on the craft, equipment and scope for deeper domination, less frothy and roleplay/costume based.

Still, 'The Mistress Manual' is a useful and inexpensive guide to lifestyle domination and starting point for those new to the psychology of their man's submissiveness. Recommended.
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on 17 November 2011
I'm a newborn Femdom and this book is really amazing and really helpful. It shows the five archways of fantasies and explain what the male sub wants when he is into it. With lots of examples to create a session. Easy to mix as well because not every sub is like in the book, isn't he.
Just can recommend this book to everybody who wants an insight into the practices and the psychology behind it.
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on 11 October 2013
Being a new comer to this lifestyle I am enjoying the frankness and humourous style of the author.

She gives an honest, non patronising view of how to develop onto a powerful Domme.

Although I have only read a few chapters I am confident that I will learn practical tips as well as technical. Looking at the range of chapters anyone reading the book, will have a broader understanding of terms and 'rules' of domination.
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