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54 of 55 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars BECOME THE PARENT YOU WISH TO BE
Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is unlike other parenting books and much more effective. I have read good advice before, but couldn't change my habits. This book gives the tools of personal growth that make it possible to be the loving mother that I really want to be. This is not esoteric philosophizing; it is useful advice with a five-step approach that is...
Published on 6 July 2006 by Shari Maser

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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not what I expected
This book has been on my wish list for ages and when I finally got a copy I was really disappointed. It is a misfortune that I started reading it right after I read "How to talk so kids listen and to listen so kids talk.". N.Waldort is not inventing anything new. The whole concept feels like some sort of compilation- Validate (The way you talk is taken from "How to...
Published on 8 Mar 2011 by Teoroy


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54 of 55 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars BECOME THE PARENT YOU WISH TO BE, 6 July 2006
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (Paperback)
Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is unlike other parenting books and much more effective. I have read good advice before, but couldn't change my habits. This book gives the tools of personal growth that make it possible to be the loving mother that I really want to be. This is not esoteric philosophizing; it is useful advice with a five-step approach that is eminently doable. Each step is illustrated with story after story about parents who discover, or rediscover, the power of love as they replace controlling parenting techniques with gentle nurturing.

In applying Ms. Aldort's suggestions myself, I have found that my listening and communication skills are improving and I am definitely more mindful, more empathetic, and more flexible as a parent. Happily, my children have noticed this change and, even more happily, have emulated it in their relationships with each other, with their father, with me, and with friends. A little positive parenting goes a long way!!

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is a must-read, must-have book for parents who are trying to break a personal or cultural cycle of authoritarianism and start becoming the mothers and fathers they wish to be.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Useful and important but sometimes impractical, 6 April 2010
By 
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (Paperback)
I enjoyed this book, I found it challenging and provocative, and also very inspiring. The SALVE formula is extremely useful and a daily used tool.

However, the examples didn't always ring true to me, and also some of the advice given was very impractical, if a parent of more than one child you're often pulled in four or five different directions and there are times I literally cant just stop and sit because one of them is having a tantrum, motherhood is a balancing act and there are many peoples needs to consider.

I would definitely recommend looking for Naomi Aldort's videos on youtube they're a handy summation of the book and in some ways clearer.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Let's talk innovation, 9 Nov 2011
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (Paperback)
If asked to recommend ONE book on the subject of parenting, the answer is always Aldort's. We read this book when our child was 10 months old and it radically changed how we parent, and for me, how I see myself (as a parent, as a partner, as myself--once, too, a child...). Freedom from past conditioning, freedom to parent outside culture's boxes, freedom to live and be with children in relationships forged with--no, not discipline, but mutual respect: You incur the potential for all of this, when you read this book.

I first came across Aldort in an online article on the subject of what to do when one child hurts another. After 5 years of University teacher-training pedagogy, her answer blew me away because it was the exact opposite of anything I'd read: As quickly and immediately as possible, give love to and spend time with the aggressor. Once the one who is hurt is attended to for injury, take some concentrated time to meet and validate the one who has pushed/hit/bit. In her words from another article: "Meeting the child's needs for closeness, affection and human connection are at the heart of preventing all types of aggression and emotional difficulties." (When Toddlers Bite, [...]. Aldort's book is pure gold on the subject of meeting children's emotional needs. No one else has laid this out so clearly. Her book is separated into five main categories: how children experience love, freedom of self-expession, autonomy and power, emotional safety, and self-esteem. Whether or not you are a parent, this book will meet it's own proclaimed agenda by helping you to raise yourself on all five of these levels.

Even after having read, long ago, Maria Montessori's The Absorbant Mind, and The Secret of Childhood, taught in a Montessori kindergarten, I hadn't fully understood the detriments of praising until Aldort's book. This book, complimented by her 7 CD series: Trusting Our Children, Trusting Ourselves, opened my eyes wide to the dammage we do when we praise children. Dammage, that is, if what we want is to raise our children with respect, and to provide for them the direction they need to be self-motivated, self-respecting, self-creating people. Our current culture of praise has raised most of us to adults who construct their entire lives and self-image around a very definite Need to please others. Trained into us from the very first bravos thrown at us with such enthusiasm for the most normal every-day actions like going to the bathroom, like holding onto a toy, like smiling, like colouring, like animals thought to be dumb. Do not get me (or Aldort) wrong, children need encouragement. They need to know we see and recognize them and their efforts to connect with us. But they do not need the type of manipluative praise that is so common it comes out of our mouths without thought: The phatic Good girl or What a good boy you are! In addition to the manipluation (Mommy loves me when I do that) does a child's every action need to be qualified by a good or a bad? What is good anyway? What is bad? How is it that most of the things that come out of our mouths once we become parents come out so easily -- even when they are things we'd long sworn we'd never say? Aldort's book puts all of this into perspective, and sets out very clear guidlines with practical tools of how to change this type of generation to generation patterning. If you are interested in deprogramming that old program--the one that makes you act and react and say things as though you weren't even in the control box, then Aldort's book is for you. It is written in clear, precise language, with many down-to-earth examples and incredibly simple steps that will enable you to raise your children exactly how you want: with repect, with dignity, and with action that comes from clear, unmanipulative unconditional love. Your children will live the difference and you will, too.
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16 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars What a wonderful book, 19 Nov 2006
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (Paperback)
I have been exploring ways of working better with my 3yo since reading an Alfie Kohn book - and this is the answer to my prayers as it gives really practical advice about how to improve your relationship with your child so avoiding tantrums, power struggles etc. Its really helping so much
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32 of 35 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Our world needs this book - QUICK!, 7 Mar 2007
By 
Annelene Decaux "sibilana" (California, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (Paperback)
This is the best parenting book I've found - a great leap from the many modern parenting books out there. In fact, I'd say it is the only parenting book you will ever need! I am ordering many copies and actively distributing to everyone I know.

Finally, a book that spells out with crystal clarity that yes, you can respect and trust your children fully, and love them unconditionally, without any "ifs" and "buts".

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves provides the tools for being always kind and loving in our day-to-day interactions with our children, and illustrates the guidance via eloquent real-life examples. These tools are easy to remember and put to practice, and they actually work. This book has transformed my relationship with my 10-month old, giving me permission to fully love her the way I always felt - without holding back ANYTHING! Quite a liberating shift. The guidance carries all the way from infancy through the teen years, and I am so grateful that I stumbled upon it while she is still little!

The transformative effect of the book goes way beyond parenting, as both the title, and the subtitle proposed by James Prescott on the cover ('Saving the emotional lives of our children and the future of humanity'), suggest. It lays out a readily available path to self-healing and self-realization through our relationship with our children (as well as with other people): simply by starting to examine how we respond to others a little more closely. In my humble opinion, this is one of the most important books ever written, period.

I have a wish. I grew up in France and I CANNOT WAIT to see the book translated in other languages, and start infusing its wisdom and compassion to non-English readers also. Any European publisher out there interested in making a difference? Call Naomi today, you'll do yourself and the world a favor. Our world needs this book. QUICK!
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars empower your children and let them grow up to know and trust themselves, 7 Sep 2009
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (Paperback)
I often find books that help but sometimes I come across a gem that is exactly what I was looking for. Often we know we are looking for something but don't know what that is until we find it.
This book is just that!
A friend lent me this book and it is thanks to wonderful people like her that I keep inspired.
I have a 20 month old boy who is very strong minded and adventurous. He strikes me as being fearless and seldom gives me the impression he really needs his mother or any "advice". It has never worked to impose ourselves on him and approaching the terrible twos I feared we needed to find a strategy to anchor to. I have found a lot more in this book than I could ever have hoped for, so wichever your childs charachter you will learn a great deal about what they are really going through.
Children have minds that work just like adults and if we teach them from a young age how to use them we will gain their respect their trust and set them up a gread deal better for adapting to adult life than if we impose our preconceived rules. Kids are clever and parents are afraid of this in case they make our lives difficult, so why did we have children in the first place?
This book will help you to validate your childs responses to life, teach them to understand their real emotions and deal with their upsets in life. You will learn about human psychology in a very simple and practical way. The book is full of every day situations we can all relate to, wether your child is 1 or 14 years old. you will be able to relate to this "neutral" way of giving total support. There is no imposition of yourself in this book, you give love and support through being there and putting your arm out when they need it and not by overdramatising and swamping your child. Often we forget that no mater how much we love and give support our childrens perception of what is happening might be rather different to ours.
I can say that in just a couple of weeks the tantrums are less frequent, I understand what is happening and feel confident I'm handling my son the right way. Our bond has become a lot stronger so now we are closer, he trusts me better and allows me to be his loving mother. Please read this book it is written beautifully!
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not what I expected, 8 Mar 2011
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (Paperback)
This book has been on my wish list for ages and when I finally got a copy I was really disappointed. It is a misfortune that I started reading it right after I read "How to talk so kids listen and to listen so kids talk.". N.Waldort is not inventing anything new. The whole concept feels like some sort of compilation- Validate (The way you talk is taken from "How to talk...", S. (listen to your self-talk) from Katie Byron, other concepts from Alphie Kohn. It is a shame she never gives credit to H. Ginnot, or Adelle Faber & Elaine Mazlish for their way of teaching communication.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful guide to being true to yourself while parenting, 2 Feb 2010
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (Paperback)
This is an amazing book, with some amazing techniques to show us how to break our old parenting patterns that usually don't feel right to us. When we respond in anger to our kids, we almost always regret it later. When we shout "How many times have I told you to STOP doing that," we usually don't feel like we are parenting from the heart. This book explains very simply how to turn this around so we always treat our children with love. After only a few days of Naomi Aldort's methods, my relationship with my 4 year old has drastically changed for the better, and I feel I am armed with the tools to deal with most situations that could occur. I still have to finish the book, but I am definitely experiencing the results already. If you are uncomfortable with the feeling that you are supposed to control your kid like a dog, then this is the book for you. The proof is in her own happy, well-rounded and successful teenage children. There are lots of examples and real-life conversations included to illustrate how exactly a change of response will change your child's confidence and mood for the better, permanently. Her methods are said to work for children from toddlers to teenagers, and I believe this would be true. A great break from the bonds of traditional parenting.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book has changed me., 27 Jan 2008
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (Paperback)
This book is excellent for helping anyone who is looking to really connect with their children.It is the most practical parenting book I have ever read, full of real examples to help when you are actually in the situations yourself.Not only has it altered my attitude to my children, but to all humans.I am finding the tools helpful and liberating in all my relationships, including my relationship with myself!I cannot recommend this enough.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A book for all Parents., 13 July 2009
By 
V. Mudhar "Vinny" (UK) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (Paperback)
My husband and I have read many books on parenting - some good , some not so good. We believe ROCROS has a very kind and simple message for all parents.
Do we want our children to feel that they have been listened to and loved unconditionally? Of course we do. This book gives practical tools to help those parents who think they are parenting correctly to realise there are many things they are falling short on. We realised this ourselves and we wondered why our children didn't seem settled or had various anxieties. ROCROS has helped us to see that our children were born perfect and that we as unknowledgeable parents (nobody taught us how to parent)could potentially damage this purity. Our children are learning to accept the ''no's'' much more, as they are hearing so many more ''yes's'' from us. This book has taught us to accept our children for who they are and not what they can do. We love them unconditionally, at ALL times (even the tantrums!!) The child has a right to express all feelings and we must listen with love in our hearts and make time for these precious souls that we are helping to become the human beings the are destined to be.
An inspiring read for ALL parents.
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Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves
Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort (Paperback - 2 Jan 2006)
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