Most helpful positive review
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
Incredible no matter what stage of the journey you are
on 5 December 2013
We are second time adopters and were recommended this book by our social worker who said all her team are reading it. She said they couldn't believe how it was 'from the other side' - I think it was a very helpful insight for them. I started reading Sally's blog before I bought it so knew a little of what to expect but the book has been an incredible read and surpassed all expectations. The adoption process is so uniquely isolating and friends and family can be so quite to reassure you that 'everyone feels like that' / 'all new mums are scared' / 'all kids do that' that it actually adds to the feeling of isolation. I read the book in about two days, literally devouring it (and ignoring my family) in order to read it to the end. I also folded down at least 20 pages to refer back to at a later date. SO much of the experience was familiar it was hugely cathartic to read. All of adoption is bittersweet, every gain has an equal loss. Even a getting that prized 'perfect match' still reminds you of the fact that this is a synthetic form of becoming a parent at least at the start. There are so many people involved. It's such a leap of faith. So uniquely weird. I adored the first parts of the book, pre-match. Those local authority meeting rooms are instantly recognisable. I loved the way that a social worker initially orders their drink becomes an indicator of how they will be - black, no sugar = no nonsense efficiency. Two sugars/white oh and a biscuit please = incompetent / dithery / demanding. I could rave about this book at length. It's so well written, powerful, incredibly emotional but with a great pace. I wondered whether those starting the adoption process will get as much from it and I think they will. It's not a negative book and it's good to challenge the polite assumptions / professional advice that often is totally at odd with what we can see our children need. But I hope any anger in the book does bring about change. There is not enough support for parents adopting children who have attachment issues / who have suffered neglect. It's so reckless and in fact cruel to think that the adoption 'training' is sufficient, throw them together and it's happily ever after. It can be happy ever after but the children being placed is often just the start of a very long journey to becoming a family, it's not the end point. Overall though, you are just rooting for this family and full of admiration for the determination from both parents and children to overcome such difficult past and flourish in the future. And however their family started, 'Sally' and 'Rob' are the absolute epitome of parents. I wish them every joy and hope they inspire others to follow a similar path. Hopefully with more support and understanding as a result of this brilliant book.