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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on 2 December 2014
I bought this book after reading the reviews, which were mostly very positive, but I have to confess that I didn’t like it, not that it hasn’t given me important information but it is so very repetitive that I am having a lot of trouble finishing it. I wish there was a book only directed to the partners and spouses of BPD patients, as the situation is different when you share your life intimately with that person. Also often the anger and frustration the person with BPD feels is directed to the person who shares his or her life. In my case my husband decided to divorce me, but the suffering is far from over because in his anger against me he will succeed in leaving me without enough to live into old age, because he filed for divorce in a country where he knew that I would have hardly any rights: France. I am now a shadow of what I used to be when I met him.

This book helped me to see that I did a lot of things right, although I am not a mental health care professional, but I also did many things wrong. I don’t want to beat myself up because I had no support whatsoever through all this ordeal. I have forgiven him because in a way I understand that he can’t help it, but what should have been the cherry on the top of my life, with a man I very much loved, became a nightmare. I wish there were groups to support family members, even after a relationship breaks up, because that would have been very healing for me and for a lot of people.

The book gives you information on the symptoms of BPD, the problems they cause and how you can deal with them so that you help your loved one and try to keep yourself sane. I believe that if we had come across this type of information a long time ago our relationship would have survived, but my husband only discovered he suffers from this problem a short while ago and although it did explain a lot of things it was too late to save our marriage. My GP said that he will go on to make victims but I hope not, I sincerely hope that he will be able to achieve a very dear goal of his: to find the love of his life and to be happy. Equipped with all the information he has now I think that he has a good chance of achieving that. My case is very different as I am so disillusioned that I don’t think that I will be in a relationship ever again. I have ordered a book to try to protect myself during the divorce but I don’t think that there will be a lot that I can do. As I suffered a lot of abuse during our relationship I am now having therapy with Women’s Aid and that is helping. I also contacted Mind but they are a charity where not specialized volunteers try to help you, so they won’t be able to do more than a friend or family member would do. I think that there is a great need for specialized help for those with the illness but, very important, for the families as well.

There are some very informative videos on Youtube, which my husband sent me and which help to understand this illness and the impact it has on the people around the patient. Health care professionals need to be more attentive to this kind of disorders and pick up the signs, something that wasn’t done in our case although I kept pointing out that he wasn’t a mean abuser but that he was ill.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
on 17 March 2013
I work in Mental Health and have found different chapters in this book very useful in explaining different concepts eg validating...this is important when communicating with everyone not just BPD. I found a whole new way of empathising with people with BPD and would highly recommend this book to anybody who has a person with BPD in their lives.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
on 7 April 2014
Best book yet. We bought them all, and this one was far above the others to help my partner understand how to help me in our relationship and how to understand me. It is so well written, it helps both of us. It is clear and easy to understand. Really fantastic book to give your spouse/ husband/ wife/ boyfriend/ girlfriend or to buy for yourself if you are in a place of willing to support and understand your BPD partner or family member.
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
on 8 February 2013
This book has been an amazing and validating insight for myself and my partner for whom I bought the book. As a sufferer of BPD I struggle to find the words to describe my difficulties and end up further frustrated than I begin with. This book has opened up a whole new dialogue of effective communication between us. The author starts by explaining the many different types of Bpd then proceeds to explore the various responses and reactions that can either help or worsen the situation. There's also loads of information on how my partner can protect himself from getting caught up in the whirlpool of my Bpd. Since reading this book together we have had many weeks of calm and understanding of situations that would usually end at the bottom of a few wine bottles. I'm so greatful to have stumbled across such a book that simplifies complications. Peace is good!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on 8 May 2015
I bought this book because I have a close friend (or at least I HAD a close friend) whose behaviour had become very erratic,unpredictable and aggressive. I thought I was going mad - or at least that I was the 'villain of the piece'. But reading Shari Manning's book described my friend's symptoms to a 't' and taught me that what my friend has is in fact a complex condition - one that can impact very negatively on friends and family. The book is well laid out and intelligently and sympathetically written, with plenty of advice and 'how-to's - even though, on her own admission, this isn't the sort of condition that can be 'fixed' in 5 easy steps. At least she does offer some hope - and for that I am grateful. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who thinks their partner, friend or relation may be suffering from this illness.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
on 19 November 2011
ordered this book on recomendation of a friend. was pleased with it. easy to read. helpful examples - hit the mark. validates own feelings and experiences, and gives hope for change. thanks
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on 19 October 2014
A positive book especially for those who want to stay in relationships that are difficult / emotionally, mentally, physically abusive.
It helps you to understand, value and protect yourself in ways that are also of positive help to the person who has Borderline diagnosis. It is incredibly useful in so many ways.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
I was looking for something to help me understand the condition a bit better. This book is very readable,not full of jargon. I am finding it a great help and comfort.
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on 29 March 2015
A brilliant insite into the most complex of minds. The book informs and educates. I have spent the last 4 years loving someone whom I knew had issues, and only recently found the answers I needed. Whilst he may not be prepared to admit 100%, he is slowly getting there, and with the help of this book I am learning how to support him. Equally important, I am learning how to help myself and ensure that in time he will get all the support he needs.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
on 17 August 2013
I bought this for my husband and I also read if myself first. This book is fantastic and offers real life advice that can actually help and it explains BPD extremely well. Well worth a read
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