Most helpful critical review
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on 2 December 2014
I bought this book after reading the reviews, which were mostly very positive, but I have to confess that I didn’t like it, not that it hasn’t given me important information but it is so very repetitive that I am having a lot of trouble finishing it. I wish there was a book only directed to the partners and spouses of BPD patients, as the situation is different when you share your life intimately with that person. Also often the anger and frustration the person with BPD feels is directed to the person who shares his or her life. In my case my husband decided to divorce me, but the suffering is far from over because in his anger against me he will succeed in leaving me without enough to live into old age, because he filed for divorce in a country where he knew that I would have hardly any rights: France. I am now a shadow of what I used to be when I met him.
This book helped me to see that I did a lot of things right, although I am not a mental health care professional, but I also did many things wrong. I don’t want to beat myself up because I had no support whatsoever through all this ordeal. I have forgiven him because in a way I understand that he can’t help it, but what should have been the cherry on the top of my life, with a man I very much loved, became a nightmare. I wish there were groups to support family members, even after a relationship breaks up, because that would have been very healing for me and for a lot of people.
The book gives you information on the symptoms of BPD, the problems they cause and how you can deal with them so that you help your loved one and try to keep yourself sane. I believe that if we had come across this type of information a long time ago our relationship would have survived, but my husband only discovered he suffers from this problem a short while ago and although it did explain a lot of things it was too late to save our marriage. My GP said that he will go on to make victims but I hope not, I sincerely hope that he will be able to achieve a very dear goal of his: to find the love of his life and to be happy. Equipped with all the information he has now I think that he has a good chance of achieving that. My case is very different as I am so disillusioned that I don’t think that I will be in a relationship ever again. I have ordered a book to try to protect myself during the divorce but I don’t think that there will be a lot that I can do. As I suffered a lot of abuse during our relationship I am now having therapy with Women’s Aid and that is helping. I also contacted Mind but they are a charity where not specialized volunteers try to help you, so they won’t be able to do more than a friend or family member would do. I think that there is a great need for specialized help for those with the illness but, very important, for the families as well.
There are some very informative videos on Youtube, which my husband sent me and which help to understand this illness and the impact it has on the people around the patient. Health care professionals need to be more attentive to this kind of disorders and pick up the signs, something that wasn’t done in our case although I kept pointing out that he wasn’t a mean abuser but that he was ill.