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on 22 March 2014
I have never written a review of anything in my life before but I felt compelled to do so in this case as this book has been my absolute life line. In fact I fear that I may do the book a disservice as I’m sure I won’t be able to articulate just how much this book has saved me from the depths of depression.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend and have been in agony ever since searching for answers to the madness and confusion of the situation I had found myself in. Throughout the relationship I knew that I was dealing with a highly disturbed individual but I could never put my finger on exactly what was wrong. At times I thought he was suffering from major depression, but then his pathology would change, sometimes within hours. I then considered bipolar but his presentation changed so rapidly that I knew this also to be incorrect. I had never even heard of borderline personality disorder before but after hours of desperately searching for answers on the internet I came across the DSM criteria for borderline personality disorder and found that he met at least 7 of the 9 criteria of this disorder. I was so over joyed that I had finally found an answer to my pain and suffering that I instantly wanted to read more and decided to purchase this book.

This book has been my therapy. I was gobsmacked whilst reading it as it perfectly articulated all the patterns of his behaviour, even down to the things he would say to me. It was just uncanny. This higher intellectual understanding helped me to untwine and depersonalise his cruelty and helped me to see that his behaviour was purely an attempt to shield him from intense emotional pain and not just to hurt me, as I had previously perceived. This book has since become my bible and I refer back to it every time I find myself internalising his behaviour again, which happens too frequently. When I feel overwhelmed by pain I read this book and get instant relief from my suffering.

This book is an invaluable resource for a frankly unheard of/misunderstood disorder, which not only has devastating consequences for the inflicted individual but wreaks havoc on the lives of all those around them. I can’t recommend this book highly enough, particularly to anybody who is in a similar position to me as it is very much geared to our audience.
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on 19 August 2014
Oh my god, I cannot rate this book high enough. It's saved my life! For 10 years I have been living with a person with BPD, without knowing that is what they had, and thinking I am crazy and alone in dealing with such a 'unique' individual. The way that people with BPD act and think is bizarre to a conventional thinking person (for me a bit like living with a perfectly mature adult that suddenly starts acting like a 3 year old when anything involves emotions/ stress) - to live with it is VERY challenging. Your life becomes completely taken over by their moods and dramas. I came across information about BPD by trawling the web from desperation for possible answers, then found this book.
I do not exaggerate in saying it has been one of the best moments in my life. Finally I found a book that exactly describes the person I have been living with, gave me a sense I was not alone, armed me with knowledge, information and understanding about the condition and ways to arm myself, not take their behaviour personally, set limits and regain my sense of self.
A truly life-changing book for you, if you are living with someone with a Borderline Personality Disorder.
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on 5 July 2011
This book was very helpful to me. I was in a relationship with someone with BPD and we have two daughters together. The book helped to clarify exactly what is going on with her, in the relationship and with me. It helped me to change my behaviour by simply realising that I was never going to succeed in convincing her of anything or getting understanding from her. I had to let that go. A person with BPD lives in a very different reality to most people. This book was really quite surprising to me because so many of the exact words and exact behaviours which I experienced are listed here exactly as I experienced them. When you get to see with clarity what is going on, which this book helps with very much, you stop falling into the same traps. BPD is a very serious illness, and it is often difficult to recognise it as such because many sufferers (my wife included) seem so normal and intelligent in so many other ways, that it is hard to accept that there is a real intractible, unreachable illness there. The only thing you can do really is set very strong limits and protect yourself and your own rights. The book was helpful in realising that the guilt that I had around the relationship is perfectly normal and forms part of the dynamic of living with someone who is incapable of taking responsibility for themselves and their actions, and lives in a constant (self-protective) fight to cast blame onto those around them for all the ills in their life.
By elucidating the dynamics of a relationship with a BPD sufferer, this book also elucidates a certain aspect of every relationship in an exaggerated form - the aspect of manipulation - which every relationship has in some ways, and as such, this book is also a thought-provoking reflection on relationships, manipulation, personal limits and respect in general. Recommended.
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on 8 March 2013
I found this book to be very informative...for many many years me my brother and sister have never quite understood why our mother has such outbursts of anger over such trivial things, not being able to have our own opinions, being manipulated, controlled and even blackmailed. The mood swings an argument can start over something as small as just looking at her in a certain way and no matter how calm you are and try to diffuse the suituation it can carry on for sometimes up to 2 days...even being silent you cant win...nothing is ever right. Over the years she has split the family keeping us apart...i am now married with 2 grown up children..but it still doesn't stop their...theirs been times my sister has even had to meet me in secret. Friends never seem to believe you beecause things sound so petty but the physical and mental abuse has had a big impact on our lives..and my sister is now receiving counselling which is helping her. Most of the things that happen are behind closed doors and within the family...it is very difficult to get a diagnosis from the psyhciatrist...im sure they think it dosen't exsist we feel like we have been left alone to deal with this...its so difficult to explain and no one sees the outbursts...through our lives mum has taken numerous overdoes.. 2 last year with the second one she nearly died was put on life support for 3 weeks and was in intensive care for 2 months all together she spent 3 months in hospital...when she came home things just carried on the same. This book has explained so much gives a better understanding of someone with BPD it explains exactly the way i feel and the way mum makes me feel...their was just a few things i didn't agree with and one was trying to addapt to the borderline....and that maybe its you thats caused the argument... but its impossible you don't have to do or say a single thing... you can be an angel or a saint.. but because their way of thinking things get twisted and you always end up the bad person. I do recomment anyone caring or living with someone with BPD to read this book...it has helped us to become stronger and understand a bit more and to know we are not alone with this.
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on 8 July 2011
I thought i had found the love of my life, only to be pushed away and my self esteem ripped to shreds by someone who early on had loved me so much. This book, makes so much sense and has stopped me from thinking it is me. I only wished I had realised he had this disorder earlier and had got a copy of this book, it could have helped me help him. It is excellent and I cannot rate it highly enough
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on 22 May 2010
Quite excellent. The burden of having a close family member who suffers from borderline personality disorder is extremely difficult, and this book really reaches out to those who have to deal with this painful burden of an illness. It was so helpful and therapeutic, and will be something I will keep close by from now on. I really cannot recommend it highly enough. Thank you Paul T Mason and Randi Kreger - this really is an invaluable book.
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on 6 April 2016
Inaccurate and perpetuates the stigma of mental illnesses.
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VINE VOICEon 28 February 2014
Highly recommended. This helped me turn a relationship around from being full of fear, to full of love. I highlighted a lot of amazing advice in this book and continue to use it to help with my assertiveness.
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on 21 January 2016
I truly think this is disgusting. You cant paint everyone who has personality disorder with the same brush. Yes some people who have bpd are bad people but that goes the same for people in general without personality disorder.

This book is extremely stigmatizing and when I first saw this book I cried and cried my eyes out as I was so worried I was making such an impact on my family. I talked to my family about this and I wasn't at all.

Most people with bpd are good people who are trying/getting help for this condition. This book caused me severe mental distress and has with others. I warn people with bpd not to read this book as it will be very triggering.
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on 9 December 2015
While perhaps reassuring as a first book for relatives/partners of BPDs, it's incredibly insulting if you have the disorder yourself and am looking for ways to cope with it (like myself). Makes any shame or guilt 100% worse. There are more types of borderline than those who shout and scream - and those types deserve respect and help too!
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