8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
on 8 February 2008
What a great book, full of insight and compassion from a woman with over twenty-five years experience working therapeutically with trauma victims. I cried many times while reading because I felt acutely the painful reality of the many examples she provides, from my own childhood experience. The author draws on those afflicted by substance abuse, neglect, sibling loss, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and parental loss, and also on the thousand little deaths suffered daily; children who are singled out for differences, whether because of ethnicity, poverty, religion, immigration or disability.
Jane Middleton-Moz invites all adult readers of her book to closely reflect on the examples she describes; to see and feel your young self as you were in these situations, and rather than immediately shrug it off with denial or the aggressive rejecting voice that was once your parent, to recognise and validate with compassion the needs and wishes of your child self. Demonstrating how these basic desires so fundamental to our nature - if gone unfulfilled - can dominate almost every aspect of our adult lives. Almost every single person is walking wounded, and the same behaviours can repeat for generations. Most of the choices we make that perhaps only bring more discord, are really rooted in some traumatic episode in the long distant past; the childhood aspect of our psyche is still engaged in a perpetual effort to find love and acceptance.
This is an excellently written and perceptive book that not only shines light into unexplored areas, but also offers a guiding hand towards healing.
1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on 21 July 2009
As an adopted child, I wish I had read this 30 years ago!
Filled with interesting research that helps unravel the mystery of adult adoptees and how we play out, our patterns and influences.
A truly excellent read.
I found her continued reference to the closed adoption issue a little too much but that is the only downside.