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4.4 out of 5 stars39
4.4 out of 5 stars
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on 23 February 2010
Although my husband's affair was very brief and once discovered came clean, broke it off and did everything to try and make things right again, I have really struggled with the trust issue. We went to Relate a few times and I also found a separate therapist to talk things through with, but never really felt I had resolved things in my own mind. I had come to the conclusion that after 20 years and 3 children this had left such huge scars in the marriage that separation was eventually inevitable and that once the children were older I would leave him. I saw this book last week and bought it in a last effort to try and understand why I was still in such pain. Knowing that other people had gone through exactly the same emotions and having all the different stages explained along ways to overcome each hurdle, were like an epiphany - I felt as though instead of fighting everything and feeling guilty for how I felt and so angry all the time, I had been given permission to go through these feelings because they were normal. The explanations as to why these things happen were put in such a sensible and understanding way that I honestly felt a huge blanket of bitter and painful feelings had just ebbed out of my body. I wish it had been published a year ago as I would not have wasted months obsessing about their relationship, of which there really wasn't one except in my own mind.
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on 16 January 2010
As someone who was recently devastated to discover a partner's infidelity, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Written mainly to give support and guidance to the "Discoverer" of both an "inappropriate relationship" or a full-blown affair, " How can I ever trust you again?" is a fantastically practical and supportive piece of work. Mr. Marshall not only shows great empathy for the torment suffered by the person who has been let down but also helps to provide an understanding of the underlying problems behind the affair and a strategy for moving forward from it. The book is full of useful tips for more effective communication so that the reader learns the tools essential for becoming a stronger individual who is able to articulate his or her feelings and needs in a less emotionally charged way. For someone who is in constant turmoil, the knowledge that there is a ladder of progression to recovery (with only seven and not seventeen steps thank goodness!) affords a very welcome sense of calm.

What I really liked too were the short equally compassionate sections in each chapter written to help the "Discovered". Whilst unwilling to read other books on the subject because of a feeling of being judged, my partner was prepared to read and discuss these summaries together.

If you have sadly found yourself in this position,this book will provide a real lifeline of hope and is money very well spent. Do please buy it.
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on 1 March 2014
Unfortunately this book was too late for my partner and I. Get it early on and it may make a difference. It needs you both to want to change. It challenges the unfaithful partner to accept their part in the lack of trust and they need to accept this.
The end part about splitting up was at least some help!
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on 14 December 2010
This book is sensitive, honest and practical. My partner had an affair and bought this book for me the day after his other woman revealed his infidelity - it was money better spent than a luxury holiday or any of the expensive gestures he could have made. I read it first, working through some of the exercises with him, then he read it afterwards. My partner said it gave him a new perspective on his feelings, actions and the consequences of his infidelity.

We're still together, still fighting, still believing it could make us stronger together and as individuals.
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on 14 October 2013
This is a good book but find it a bit "simple" in places. Does help to understand some emotions etc but not enough explanation for my liking . Easy to read though.
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on 3 February 2014
I love Andrews books. they are very simple, yet they really describe the situationa nd provides you with explanations and solution. highly recommended .
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on 12 December 2014
Very good short book. A must buy.
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on 29 October 2011
If you have experienced adultery and you get to the point that you're in this section thinking about buying a book on how to repair what was broken - as opposed to just slamming the door on the bad guy/gal - you need look no further. This is a pearl of a book that breaks down exactly the different stages you inevitably go through post-adultery, but not just for the Discoverer but also for the Discovered. This is a book to be shared with your partner. It avoids being judgemental - most relationships are not some kind of black-and-white stories with arch-villains and innocent victims - and concentrates on a pragmatic approach to rebuilding trust where it has been lost. The author draws on his extensive background in working with couples and it is well illustrated with always pertinent case-studies.

If you're considering buying this book you're already in a pretty miserable place and you're going to be reading about other people who have been there too - their stories will be depressingly familiar, adultery is not original! - BUT the author provides cogent analysis and concrete solutions that will push each of you to looking closer at yourselves and how you operate; but he also provides hope and where you're at (as a Discoverer at any rate) you need that! I recommend this book wholeheartedly.
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on 5 November 2013
I read this on my kindle and highlighted certain passages, sometimes making notes. My husband then read it and added to my comments. We then went through it together and had full and frank discussions and it has been incredibly helpful. I highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with these issues.
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on 18 August 2014
A book which every married coupl;e shoul;d read at "the Seven Year Itch".
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