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73 of 73 people found the following review helpful
on 23 February 2010
Although my husband's affair was very brief and once discovered came clean, broke it off and did everything to try and make things right again, I have really struggled with the trust issue. We went to Relate a few times and I also found a separate therapist to talk things through with, but never really felt I had resolved things in my own mind. I had come to the conclusion that after 20 years and 3 children this had left such huge scars in the marriage that separation was eventually inevitable and that once the children were older I would leave him. I saw this book last week and bought it in a last effort to try and understand why I was still in such pain. Knowing that other people had gone through exactly the same emotions and having all the different stages explained along ways to overcome each hurdle, were like an epiphany - I felt as though instead of fighting everything and feeling guilty for how I felt and so angry all the time, I had been given permission to go through these feelings because they were normal. The explanations as to why these things happen were put in such a sensible and understanding way that I honestly felt a huge blanket of bitter and painful feelings had just ebbed out of my body. I wish it had been published a year ago as I would not have wasted months obsessing about their relationship, of which there really wasn't one except in my own mind.
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60 of 62 people found the following review helpful
on 16 January 2010
As someone who was recently devastated to discover a partner's infidelity, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Written mainly to give support and guidance to the "Discoverer" of both an "inappropriate relationship" or a full-blown affair, " How can I ever trust you again?" is a fantastically practical and supportive piece of work. Mr. Marshall not only shows great empathy for the torment suffered by the person who has been let down but also helps to provide an understanding of the underlying problems behind the affair and a strategy for moving forward from it. The book is full of useful tips for more effective communication so that the reader learns the tools essential for becoming a stronger individual who is able to articulate his or her feelings and needs in a less emotionally charged way. For someone who is in constant turmoil, the knowledge that there is a ladder of progression to recovery (with only seven and not seventeen steps thank goodness!) affords a very welcome sense of calm.

What I really liked too were the short equally compassionate sections in each chapter written to help the "Discovered". Whilst unwilling to read other books on the subject because of a feeling of being judged, my partner was prepared to read and discuss these summaries together.

If you have sadly found yourself in this position,this book will provide a real lifeline of hope and is money very well spent. Do please buy it.
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
on 14 December 2010
This book is sensitive, honest and practical. My partner had an affair and bought this book for me the day after his other woman revealed his infidelity - it was money better spent than a luxury holiday or any of the expensive gestures he could have made. I read it first, working through some of the exercises with him, then he read it afterwards. My partner said it gave him a new perspective on his feelings, actions and the consequences of his infidelity.

We're still together, still fighting, still believing it could make us stronger together and as individuals.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on 1 September 2014
Am recently divorced and have bought several books. This one is very good as it looks at affairs from everyone involved in the triangle the deceived, the deceiver, and the third party. It offers some good advice and lots of scenarios, and also advice as to whether you feel you can save your own relationship. It has definitely helped me.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on 8 June 2014
The book is easy to read and the case studies help you to identify with the situations. The exercises are a bonus and will be an aide to couples going through the aftermath of an affair.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on 9 December 2014
This book hands down saved my marriage. I had a complete breakdown when I discovered my husbands infidelity - please try this book xx
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on 1 March 2014
Unfortunately this book was too late for my partner and I. Get it early on and it may make a difference. It needs you both to want to change. It challenges the unfaithful partner to accept their part in the lack of trust and they need to accept this.
The end part about splitting up was at least some help!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on 6 July 2015
Excellent book - good solid advice that makes you realise others have gone through exactly the same stages as you have, and that you are not going mad. The steps and time frames for asking questions on both sides of the fence offer invaluable guidelines, and the fact that Marshall explains things from the perspective of the person who has been unfaithful whilst still maintaining full sympathy for the person who has been wronged, is impressive and thought provoking, allowing for couples to move forward positively, or at least in the most positive way possible given individual's situations. It was a lifeline for me, and I couldn't recommend it highly enough. Andrew Marshall is a relationship guru.
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19 of 23 people found the following review helpful
on 9 August 2010
I have been trying to move on and forgive after my partner cheated on me. This book described all my emotions and actions. It helped me understand why I felt the way I did and also gave me ways to deal with them and move past them. It was great to have someone explain why I feel the way I do and also gave my partner an insight to how I feel and some of my actions. It made me feel like I was completely normal and all my feelings of hurt and anger after so long were normal. If you are struggling to move on and let go after you have been cheated on I cannot recommend this book enough! Its been two years since I discovered my partner cheating, yet I still couldn't get over it...then I found this book. I must add though, the examples the author uses focus mainly on married couples and couples where the cheating party has had a relationship with the third party. If like me your partner cheated with more than one woman in meaningless flings the book still helps move on and trust. There is a section at the end of each stage for the cheater which is brilliant as it will help them deal with your emotions and actions, understand your feelings and give them ways to help rebuild the trust. I didn't think my relationship could ever recover but since reading this book I can now see a future and am moving past the infidelity and learning to trust him again which was just not happening before. Buy this book!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on 14 October 2013
This is a good book but find it a bit "simple" in places. Does help to understand some emotions etc but not enough explanation for my liking . Easy to read though.
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