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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars book review amazon 2007
For far too long there has been a lack of community understanding and support for adoption related grief. Even sadly from some "so called professionals" who offer post adoption counselling.

As far as I'm aware Author "Evelyn Burns Robinson" has been the first person to have researched and discovered the correlation between adoption loss and grief, as being...
Published on 25 Jun. 2007 by Judith Hendriksen

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2.0 out of 5 stars Let Go and Move On
I don't understand why natural mothers make themselves out to be such victims. At 21, the writer knew that based on her circumstances and the knowledge at-hand that she was doing the best for her son. No, his life did not turn out perfect, but it also would not have been perfect if she had kept him. Yes, he was going to wonder about his roots, but in the end we each...
Published 7 days ago by Darla H.


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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars book review amazon 2007, 25 Jun. 2007
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Judith Hendriksen "Judith" (From Albany in Western Australia) - See all my reviews
For far too long there has been a lack of community understanding and support for adoption related grief. Even sadly from some "so called professionals" who offer post adoption counselling.

As far as I'm aware Author "Evelyn Burns Robinson" has been the first person to have researched and discovered the correlation between adoption loss and grief, as being "disenfranchised grief". And then taking that information, and not only publishing books about that, but also spreading that information world wide. I have no doubt that she has literally helped thousands, with her knowledge wisdom and insights.

Evelyn herself, being a mother who lost her first born child through adoption, his name is Stephen and he was born in Edinburgh in 1970.

So Evelyn writes not only from first hand experience, but also from a professional viewpoint.

I too lost my first born a precious daughter to adoption. From my personal experience and perspective, I cannot thank Evelyn enough. I was so relieved to finally read, two books that understood and acknowledged my grief. Everything Evelyn had written I found truthful and correct.

The two books are "Adoption and Loss", the hidden grief, the second companion book entitled "Adoption and Recovery", solving the mystery of reunion.

In my opinion Evelyn has unravelled the truth.

Although I believe that total healing from such a trauma as ours, is probably impossible. Having just said that, much can be done to implement the healing process. The answers, and the how to, I believe are in Evelyn's books.

I highly recommend both of Evelyn's books, they are invaluable, not only to people personally affected by adoption separations but their families, and the professionals who work with them, and the community in general.
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2.0 out of 5 stars Let Go and Move On, 24 Jun. 2015
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This review is from: Adoption and Loss - The Hidden Grief (Paperback)
I don't understand why natural mothers make themselves out to be such victims. At 21, the writer knew that based on her circumstances and the knowledge at-hand that she was doing the best for her son. No, his life did not turn out perfect, but it also would not have been perfect if she had kept him. Yes, he was going to wonder about his roots, but in the end we each decide the type of person we want to become, regardless of our roots. No, of course she was not going to walk away from the experience without pain, but that doesn't mean that adoption was the wrong choice. The book could have been half as long as it is, because it kept repeating itself over and over again, just ruminating on grief and blame. It seems like Ms. Robinson is stuck in that experience, and I don't understand why, considering that she admits in the book that she wanted to get an abortion, so having the child wasn't even her first choice anyway.

It's important to note how a birth mother's life progresses: the more dissatisfied she is about how her life turned out, the more she will look back and ask herself, "What if?" In the author's case, she married and then divorced an abusive man who left her with four children and barely any money. So in her case, she may have thought, "This is what I was afraid of years ago when I was single and pregnant, and even though I chose adoption, I still ended up this way." Some of us fared much better.

Birth mothers need to be careful to not make idols out of themselves, thinking that their birth babies need them in order to be happy and "complete." And also there should be consideration for the feelings of the raised children: How do they feel when they read their mother going on and on about adoption regret? If she had kept him, they would not have been born! I personally would NEVER trade the husband and children I was blessed with for a life with the lazy, selfish sperm donor who impregnated me at 19. I'm GLAD I chose adoption; it was the best choice and my awful reunion experience re-confirmed what I already knew.
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5.0 out of 5 stars I recommend this for adoptees, 6 April 2015
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Interesting and informative book, well worth the money. I recommend this for adoptees, natural Mothers and adoptive parents.
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0 of 2 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Useful account of one woman's experience of relinquishing a child to adoption, 24 April 2014
This review is from: Adoption and Loss - The Hidden Grief (Paperback)
The author describes quite honestly her experience of giving up her first child to adoption when she was 21. She rather labours the point that she was coerced into this although doesn't produce too much evidence of that, although her church membership may have tipped it. She seems to blame everything onto this experience. The second half of the book is a bit of a rant against adoption under any circumstances and she doesn't allow facts or evidence to sway her. In spite of being a social worker she has little idea about the children who have been subjected to prolonged abuse or neglect and need rescuing from their birth families and given the stability which adoption provides. She also makes blithe suggestions about solving poverty and social disruption worldwide by throwing a bit of money at it. Her hostility to adoptive parents is quite tiresome. A rather naive and not very well evidenced book but it contributes to the debate which is clearly suggesting that all adoptions should be open, allowing adoptees access to their natural families if they are safe.
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Adoption and Loss - The Hidden Grief
Adoption and Loss - The Hidden Grief by Evelyn Robinson (Paperback - 16 Sept. 2000)
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