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3.7 out of 5 stars26
3.7 out of 5 stars
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on 25 November 2007
This is an interesting story by Mellick about a man who hears voices coming from his girlfriend's vagina. She sends him inside after the voices, and he crawls into her, shrinking as he goes, and discovers a world inside her full of people that look like cartoon fairies. One of them is a cute girl who used to he his girlfriend's imaginary friend before the girlfriend showed up. The girl falls in love with the narrator, and tries to make him stay. He must decide between staying with her and going back to his girlfriend. Then he starts to change...

This was possibly one of Mellick's most entertaining books. The story is unique and fast paced, and in the end everything works out well. The characters are great. The narrator's girlfriend switches moods so quickly and forgets about him while he's inside of her and does something with another guy in a scene that's worth the price of the book alone. It is fast paced and a bit too short, but I would rather be left wanting more than wishing a book had been shorter. A sequel to this one would be interesting.
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on 28 October 2014
After a passionate evening of love-making, Steve's girlfriend's vagina starts making weird, eldritch noises. And when Stacey's ghoulish gash produces a full-sized human skeleton it becomes clear that she has a haunted hole. There's only one thing for it. She persuades him to grab a torch, dive in and do some ghost-busting.

The improbably named and effusively mutton-chopped Carlton Mellick III seems to be a big name in "Bizzarro" fiction, a genre characterised by an extreme surrealism/absurdism. Mellick's work is known for it's hyper-sexual themes, gore and eye-catching titles. It is a huge shame that works such as "Baby-Jesus ButtpIug", "The Morbidly Obese Ninja", "Razor Wire Pubic Hair" and "I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter: A Demonic Romantic Comedy" are unlikely ever to find themselves on Richard and Judy's Summer Reading List.

However, if this offering is anything to go by, Mr Mellick is being under-sold. Ok, it's not exactly the highest of haute fiction, but there's much more to this than is suggested by the trashy title. For a start, this novella is actually rather well written in a sparse, understated way. True enough, there's some extreme explicit and very surreal sex but its neither pornographic nor gratuitous. Instead, The Haunted Vagina is an incongruously mature, intimate and rather poignant (albeit Cronenburgesque) love story. The characters are engagingly sweet and the story deals with some serious sexual themes.

Don't be put off by the title. I wasn't. It was the title (I'm a little ashamed to say) that sold it to me, but I certainly didn't get what I was expecting.

'"I also got you a sleeping bag and some food," she says, "if you want to camp out over night."

'"I'm not camping out in your vagina overnight," I tell her.'
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on 17 March 2014
This must be at least the 15th book I have read by Mellick now and I absolutely loved this one. I find I either love or hate his work. This one is a bit Alice in Wonderlandy. Well. If Alice climbed up her girlfriends vagina that is. If you've read the psynopsis and are now checking out reviews you're allready open minded enough to give something like this a go so I'm sure you'll enjoy the trip. For the title and the obviouse adult themes this reads like a childs book and was really fun. Pretty short and I flew threw it. I'll read this again at some point.
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on 14 July 2012
I had to have this book the moment I saw it, the title had me in stitches.
It more of a short story than a full on book, funny as hell in a few places (at least to me) and actually a rather interesting read.
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on 16 August 2014
The best book by Carlton Mellick that I've read up to now (read 3) and probably the best since it's difficult to get any better. I perfect introduction to the genre.
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on 9 February 2015
I heard about this book when its cover was posted in the tumblr account "WTFBadRomanceCovers". The book is short, the story is nuts, but I spent a rather entertaining hour wondering how the author was going to shock me next. I put the book down with a puzzled "wow". I don't regret anything, though.
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on 1 November 2014
Errrmmm ….. okay …. er ….. authors, take this with however many grains of salt you like, but if your book has a really boring title - like say, ‘Remember Me’ (I found 81 books with that title, and 256 books with that phrase in the title), then you’re going to have to work a lot harder at promoting your book.

I choose that example, by the way, because in 2007 Virginia Quarterly Review listed the ten most common words found in book title submissions that they received that year. They were;

• Remember
• Smoke
• Revelation
• Work
• Grace
• Waiting
• Insomnia
• Voyeur
• Butterfly
• Reunion

The most appalling (or maybe distressing) thing about this list is that none of these words strikes me as a half-decent title for anything; book, play, film, or even restaurant!

You’ll notice that ‘Haunted’ and ‘Vagina’ aren’t on that list at all

A book’s title is possibly the most important but also the hardest to write. It has to grab the reader by the scruff of the neck and make him/her buy the book, and as such we really need to give it the respect it deserves.

There’s no guarantee, of course, that a good title will cause you to love the book, any more than a good pick-up line means the girl will love the guy (for a title is really nothing more than a pick-up line), but a bad title guarantees you’ll never find out, because in all probability you won’t open the book to take a peek inside and you certainly won’t buy it.

Here’s an Amazing title I found; ‘Depressed and anxious – the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Workbook for Overcoming Depression and Anxiety.’ It doesn’t really grab you at all, does it? The author needs to liven the title up a bit; ‘Sorry-Arsed and Scared Crapless Vampire’ has a much better ring to it. It’s always good if you can get the word ‘vampire’ somewhere in the title.

‘Anxiety and Depression for Dummies’ is another one that’s nuts, isn’t it. ‘Rattle-Brained Mallet-Head hits the Jelly Beans’ would attract more buys to this book, wouldn’t it?

I found a book called ‘Politics – A treatise on Government.’ The author must have sold all ten copies to his mum! He could have called it ‘Vote for David Cameron.’ Granted the title’s not too exciting but it’s a book about rushing enthusiastically into the cubicle expecting big things, only to get a pathetic little fart.

There are some incredibly imaginative book titles that demonstrate the ingenuity and innovative brilliance of certain authors. ‘The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories’ by Alisa Surkis was one such book (lesbian horses?), as is ‘The Pocket book of Boners – an omnibus of schoolboy howlers.’ I don’t know who the author of this one is but it’s illustrated by Dr Seuss. ‘Games you can play with your Pussy – and lots of other stuff cat owners should know,’ ‘The Missionary Position – Mother Theresa in theory and practice,’ ‘Everything I know about Women I learned from my Tractor,’ ‘Invisible Dick,’ ‘Pooh Gets Stuck,’ ‘Scouts in Bondage,’ ‘The Beginners Guide to Sex in the Afterlife,’ ‘How to spot a Bastard by his Star Sign,’ ‘Arthur Kills a Hobo for his Clothes,’ ‘Why is Mommy Moaning?’ ‘How to Date a White Woman,’ and ‘Cooking with Pooh’ were just a few of the pretty good book titles I discovered. But ‘The Haunted Vagina’ beats the lot!

But I digress. I’m supposed to be reviewing the actual book itself as opposed to covering for my lack of eloquence and loquacity by researching other interesting titles, but this one’s got me beat.

This book is simply bonkers! If you’re looking for an easy read that’s slightly demented then give it a go. It’s amusing enough and if I’m to be perfectly honest quite readable. It’s just that it’s completely mental.
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on 16 November 2014
As a sufferer of this condition, I find this book disgustingly mocking of my disability. Having a vagina that is a gateway to another world is no laughing matter and seriously cramps your love life. Many details in this are grossly inaccurate and poorly researched. I recommend everyone visits www.helpmyvaginaishaunted.com for the truth about this debilitating disorder.
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on 21 August 2015
Excellent book and brilliant story line, I am not a big fan of reading but I could not put this down once I had started.
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on 22 May 2015
Some great ideas but for me, it kind of strered away from its potential as the story wound down
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