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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Haunted Love Story
This is an interesting story by Mellick about a man who hears voices coming from his girlfriend's vagina. She sends him inside after the voices, and he crawls into her, shrinking as he goes, and discovers a world inside her full of people that look like cartoon fairies. One of them is a cute girl who used to he his girlfriend's imaginary friend before the girlfriend...
Published on 25 Nov. 2007 by Charles Glover

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14 of 17 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Well that was a bit mad, wasn't it?
Errrmmm ….. okay …. er ….. authors, take this with however many grains of salt you like, but if your book has a really boring title - like say, ‘Remember Me’ (I found 81 books with that title, and 256 books with that phrase in the title), then you’re going to have to work a lot harder at promoting your book.

I choose that...
Published 5 months ago by Karl Wiggins


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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Haunted Love Story, 25 Nov. 2007
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This review is from: The Haunted Vagina (Paperback)
This is an interesting story by Mellick about a man who hears voices coming from his girlfriend's vagina. She sends him inside after the voices, and he crawls into her, shrinking as he goes, and discovers a world inside her full of people that look like cartoon fairies. One of them is a cute girl who used to he his girlfriend's imaginary friend before the girlfriend showed up. The girl falls in love with the narrator, and tries to make him stay. He must decide between staying with her and going back to his girlfriend. Then he starts to change...

This was possibly one of Mellick's most entertaining books. The story is unique and fast paced, and in the end everything works out well. The characters are great. The narrator's girlfriend switches moods so quickly and forgets about him while he's inside of her and does something with another guy in a scene that's worth the price of the book alone. It is fast paced and a bit too short, but I would rather be left wanting more than wishing a book had been shorter. A sequel to this one would be interesting.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Fanny by flashlight, 28 Oct. 2014
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Crookedmouth ":-/" (Somewhere in the Jurassic...) - See all my reviews
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After a passionate evening of love-making, Steve's girlfriend's vagina starts making weird, eldritch noises. And when Stacey's ghoulish gash produces a full-sized human skeleton it becomes clear that she has a haunted hole. There's only one thing for it. She persuades him to grab a torch, dive in and do some ghost-busting.

The improbably named and effusively mutton-chopped Carlton Mellick III seems to be a big name in "Bizzarro" fiction, a genre characterised by an extreme surrealism/absurdism. Mellick's work is known for it's hyper-sexual themes, gore and eye-catching titles. It is a huge shame that works such as "Baby-Jesus ButtpIug", "The Morbidly Obese Ninja", "Razor Wire Pubic Hair" and "I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter: A Demonic Romantic Comedy" are unlikely ever to find themselves on Richard and Judy's Summer Reading List.

However, if this offering is anything to go by, Mr Mellick is being under-sold. Ok, it's not exactly the highest of haute fiction, but there's much more to this than is suggested by the trashy title. For a start, this novella is actually rather well written in a sparse, understated way. True enough, there's some extreme explicit and very surreal sex but its neither pornographic nor gratuitous. Instead, The Haunted Vagina is an incongruously mature, intimate and rather poignant (albeit Cronenburgesque) love story. The characters are engagingly sweet and the story deals with some serious sexual themes.

Don't be put off by the title. I wasn't. It was the title (I'm a little ashamed to say) that sold it to me, but I certainly didn't get what I was expecting.

'"I also got you a sleeping bag and some food," she says, "if you want to camp out over night."

'"I'm not camping out in your vagina overnight," I tell her.'
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Touchingly tender, 15 Aug. 2012
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This review is from: The Haunted Vagina (Paperback)
Boy meets girl on the bus. Boy snuggles with girl and eventually they become star-crossed lovers. Boy finds skeletons, and a whole haunted world, in girl's vagina. Boy investigates...

It's a story as old as time. Some writers can make anything funny. Carlton Mellick III can make anything weird. He could read out the phone book and it would be weird. It would be weird, if CM3 read me the phone book.

I don't want to give too much of the story away. It's about 100 pages but it goes down easy. I read it cover to cover over a few hours. As with any good bizarro, there are a lot of unanswered and unanswerable questions, but there's a killer ending that raps things up as neatly as can be expected. This is perhaps one of Mellick's tenderest novels, at least of the ones I've read to date. Not just physically, as many things that should enter or exit a vagina do, but also emotionally, as this book is packed with metaphors about growing up and leaving innocence behind, people in a relationship growing apart, birth and death... But that's enough from me. Go buy this book; your vagina (or mangina) will thank you personally!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I wonder what drugs Carlton partakes in?, 17 Mar. 2014
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Family Man (Scotland) - See all my reviews
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This must be at least the 15th book I have read by Mellick now and I absolutely loved this one. I find I either love or hate his work. This one is a bit Alice in Wonderlandy. Well. If Alice climbed up her girlfriends vagina that is. If you've read the psynopsis and are now checking out reviews you're allready open minded enough to give something like this a go so I'm sure you'll enjoy the trip. For the title and the obviouse adult themes this reads like a childs book and was really fun. Pretty short and I flew threw it. I'll read this again at some point.
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14 of 17 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Well that was a bit mad, wasn't it?, 1 Nov. 2014
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Errrmmm ….. okay …. er ….. authors, take this with however many grains of salt you like, but if your book has a really boring title - like say, ‘Remember Me’ (I found 81 books with that title, and 256 books with that phrase in the title), then you’re going to have to work a lot harder at promoting your book.

I choose that example, by the way, because in 2007 Virginia Quarterly Review listed the ten most common words found in book title submissions that they received that year. They were;

• Remember
• Smoke
• Revelation
• Work
• Grace
• Waiting
• Insomnia
• Voyeur
• Butterfly
• Reunion

The most appalling (or maybe distressing) thing about this list is that none of these words strikes me as a half-decent title for anything; book, play, film, or even restaurant!

You’ll notice that ‘Haunted’ and ‘Vagina’ aren’t on that list at all

A book’s title is possibly the most important but also the hardest to write. It has to grab the reader by the scruff of the neck and make him/her buy the book, and as such we really need to give it the respect it deserves.

There’s no guarantee, of course, that a good title will cause you to love the book, any more than a good pick-up line means the girl will love the guy (for a title is really nothing more than a pick-up line), but a bad title guarantees you’ll never find out, because in all probability you won’t open the book to take a peek inside and you certainly won’t buy it.

Here’s an Amazing title I found; ‘Depressed and anxious – the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Workbook for Overcoming Depression and Anxiety.’ It doesn’t really grab you at all, does it? The author needs to liven the title up a bit; ‘Sorry-Arsed and Scared Crapless Vampire’ has a much better ring to it. It’s always good if you can get the word ‘vampire’ somewhere in the title.

‘Anxiety and Depression for Dummies’ is another one that’s nuts, isn’t it. ‘Rattle-Brained Mallet-Head hits the Jelly Beans’ would attract more buys to this book, wouldn’t it?

I found a book called ‘Politics – A treatise on Government.’ The author must have sold all ten copies to his mum! He could have called it ‘Vote for David Cameron.’ Granted the title’s not too exciting but it’s a book about rushing enthusiastically into the cubicle expecting big things, only to get a pathetic little fart.

There are some incredibly imaginative book titles that demonstrate the ingenuity and innovative brilliance of certain authors. ‘The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories’ by Alisa Surkis was one such book (lesbian horses?), as is ‘The Pocket book of Boners – an omnibus of schoolboy howlers.’ I don’t know who the author of this one is but it’s illustrated by Dr Seuss. ‘Games you can play with your Pussy – and lots of other stuff cat owners should know,’ ‘The Missionary Position – Mother Theresa in theory and practice,’ ‘Everything I know about Women I learned from my Tractor,’ ‘Invisible Dick,’ ‘Pooh Gets Stuck,’ ‘Scouts in Bondage,’ ‘The Beginners Guide to Sex in the Afterlife,’ ‘How to spot a Bastard by his Star Sign,’ ‘Arthur Kills a Hobo for his Clothes,’ ‘Why is Mommy Moaning?’ ‘How to Date a White Woman,’ and ‘Cooking with Pooh’ were just a few of the pretty good book titles I discovered. But ‘The Haunted Vagina’ beats the lot!

But I digress. I’m supposed to be reviewing the actual book itself as opposed to covering for my lack of eloquence and loquacity by researching other interesting titles, but this one’s got me beat.

This book is simply bonkers! If you’re looking for an easy read that’s slightly demented then give it a go. It’s amusing enough and if I’m to be perfectly honest quite readable. It’s just that it’s completely mental.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wrong on so many levels....awesome!, 14 July 2012
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This review is from: The Haunted Vagina (Paperback)
I had to have this book the moment I saw it, the title had me in stitches.
It more of a short story than a full on book, funny as hell in a few places (at least to me) and actually a rather interesting read.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Thoroughly recommend it., 16 Aug. 2014
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This review is from: The Haunted Vagina (Paperback)
The best book by Carlton Mellick that I've read up to now (read 3) and probably the best since it's difficult to get any better. I perfect introduction to the genre.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Different, twisted but I loved it., 18 Nov. 2013
This review is from: The Haunted Vagina (Paperback)
Okay this is a strange one that you will need a sick sense of humour for, which sadly I do. Different, twisted but I loved it.
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3.0 out of 5 stars No high expectations, don't regret buying it, though., 9 Feb. 2015
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I heard about this book when its cover was posted in the tumblr account "WTFBadRomanceCovers". The book is short, the story is nuts, but I spent a rather entertaining hour wondering how the author was going to shock me next. I put the book down with a puzzled "wow". I don't regret anything, though.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars, 27 Jan. 2015
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This review is from: The Haunted Vagina (Paperback)
it's amusing, but was too short. read the book in about an hour.
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The Haunted Vagina
The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III (Paperback - 18 Sept. 2006)
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