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86 of 88 people found the following review helpful
Would you like to become a better communicator of love to your spouse? Would you like to reap the rewards of having a spouse whose "love tank" is full, and keeps yours full as well?
Love is a choice, not an emotion. Gary Chapman explains that after the "falling in love" stage of a relationship, which can last up to two years, we settle back in to reality. The rose colored glasses are removed and we begin to see our spouse for the person they really are, warts and all.
When the sparks begin to fizzle, Hollywood tells us that it is time to move on to another relationship. Chapman, on the other hand, reveals that we now have the opportunity to solidify and deepen the relationship through learning how to effectively communicate our love for our spouse.
He introduces us to the five love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Each of us express our love using these different languages and their dialects. If our language is different from that of our spouse, our expressions of love may not be understood and appreciated.
This book helps us identify and use the love languages that are meaningful to ourselves and our spouse. Chapman uses real-life examples to illustrate each language, with a dash of biblical passages to support his material.
The love languages are simple, and they work -- not only between husband and wife, but with children as well. My wife and I are polar opposites in love languages. By learning to express our love in ways that are more meaningful to each other, our honeymoon is thirteen years strong.
Get this book, read it, share it, apply it, and your "love tanks" will never be empty again.
Larry Hehn, Author of Get the Prize: Nine Keys for a Life of Victory
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37 of 38 people found the following review helpful
on 17 May 2007
This book is excellent in every respect. It is for indiviuals and/or couples, is very easy to read, not preachy, full of practical ideas and exercises (rather than endless theory)and most importantly full of HOPE for a more fulfilling life. It provides insights that can help those who just want to improve the good marriages they already have. But it can really help those struggling with a troubled marriage, whether as a result of infidelity, those wondering why they don't love their partner they way they used to or just the the ups and downs of marriage. Importantly, the author gives ideas that can be practiced whether or not your partner wants to participate in the improvment process. Strongly recommended.
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71 of 75 people found the following review helpful
In an effort to help mates understand how to love each other, Gary Chapman tries to organize the communication of love in five styles. He tries to help the reader understand which style(s) they respond to most, and to ask the reader to think what language the one they want to love 'hears' most clearly.
In "The Five Love Languages: Five Love Languages," Chapman isn't saying love only happens the way he says. Instead, he is giving a framework to love one another better. This way, we (especially we men), aren't shooting in the dark. Often, we want to love better than we do, and work hard, but miss the mark because we are, in essence, speaking another language.
Chapman tells us that we often love the way we'd like to be loved, and that so does our spouse love us the way they'd like to be love. This can help us discover who we are, and more importantly, how we can love.
Some romantic relationship books take the angle that men are different than women -- and that's true, but rather this a book about communications styles. In fact, he'll assert that men and women might prefer any of the five 'languages'.
The success of this book isn't in learning the styles, but in the active use of them in our relationships. It is easy to read, but with deep consequences.
I fully recommend "The Five Love Languages: Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
Anthony Trendl
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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
on 19 November 2006
My wife tried to get me to read this book soon after we got married. Being a guy, I didn't want to read some girly book about love though! O what a mistake! Nine years later, I had a change of heart and discovered that I had missed out on so much in the last nine years because I didn't understand the language my wife was speaking. If you want to be able to show your spouse that you love them and/or you are confused about why they don't seem to show you love, then read this book. It will open up a whole new world of understanding for you!
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26 of 28 people found the following review helpful
on 6 August 2000
Are you sure you know what makes your mate feel loved? If you can answer "yes" without hesitation you are either very lucky or (more likely?) too hasty. Reading this book made me understand more fully what I thought I knew already: Human beings are different. One person's way of expressing love may mean little to another person. Gary Chapman identifies five basic ways of expressing love: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Giving Gifts, and Physical Touch. If you and your mate speaks different "love languages" AND NONE OF YOU REALIZE IT, disappointments and problems are in store. E.g, imagine you give your mate a gift that you put a lot of work or money in, but s/he would much rather just be together with you for an hour. Both of you will be disappointed, you because the gift what not taken as the love sign it was meant to be, your mate because you spent time on the gift instead of spending time on him/her. Turn the story around and imagine the joy possible if you both know what will make each other feel loved and both express love in the mate's love language. The book is an easy read, full of examplifying stories from real life, and avoids the pitfall of easy solutions to hard problems. There are a few Scripture references in each chapter, which is a plus from my point of view, but the book can be read without those by anybody ready to think of the loved one before thinking of oneself. One reservation about me: I am a bachelor, and this is mostly a marriage book, though the principles of the book can be applied to family and people around me. At least I know what to give my cousin when she is married at the end of the summer!
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72 of 78 people found the following review helpful
on 17 February 2000
I found this book most enlightening. Chapman describes how we each have our own natural 'language of love' (eg affirming words, acts of service, touch, etc..) just as we have a mother tongue. He describes how we tend to use this language to show love, and how this may be completely inappropriate for our partner if they have a different love language. In such a case it doesn't speak love at all (as helpful as 2 people speaking completely different languages trying to communicate perfectly). So, the book gives clues to identifying one own's language and that of one's partner so that one can appropriately express love in a way that the partner feels loved. Encouragingly, Chapman includes examples of relationships that have been turned around from the brink of break-up because of these simple lessons.
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28 of 30 people found the following review helpful
on 5 January 2004
This is an amazing book,it should be compulsory reading for all engaged couples.
This could put the majority of marraige counsellors out of business & cut the divource rate by by atleast 85%.
I've read books such as Men are from Mars & the Act of Marraige which are both very good but this book is in a league of it's own.
No matter howlong a marraige has been going or how good it looks only a tiny percentage would not be enhanced by reading or listening to this on audio tape.
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13 of 14 people found the following review helpful
on 17 March 2013
Wow! I read this little marvel with great interest and found it fascinating. Quite simply Gary explains that we all have primary and secondary languages of love. We show our love for people in many ways, but we each have a language of love which is demonstrated more frequently than others. More often than not, the language of love we display the most, is also the one which makes us feel loved and secure when we are in receipt of it. In order to keep a loving relationship alive after the honeymoon period subsides, we need to match our partner's primary and secondary languages. We each have a 'love tank' which is empty when relationships fail - we don't feel loved. In order to fill it again, our partner needs to display our language of love to us, and ensure they are consistently doing so.

The five languages of love are: Words of affirmation (expressing love verbally, giving praise, complimenting, etc.), receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service (doing things to please), physical touch (whether it be sex or just hugs, cuddles, a reassuring touch of the arm, etc.).

Gary uses case studies from his long career in marriage counselling to evidence how effective this method of staying together and loving forever actually is. It is reassuring to see that even relationships which would otherwise be considered not worth pursuing and past the point of return, can effectively be rescued and restored to a greater and more rewarding level of love than you could ever imagine.

I have learnt what my primary and secondary languages of love are and have also figured out my partner's. It has really opened my eyes. There is a great little on line interactive tool on the 5 Languages website which is fun to use and helps you to figure out which of the five languages of love are your top two. It confirmed I had assessed myself correctly.

I'd recommend this book wholeheartedly. If you are about to give up on someone, don't! Certainly not before you have read this little book and put its simple instructions in to practice.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
on 12 December 2006
This book provides the tools to understand what makes marriages work. It dispells the myths of the "being in love" thing and as to why this does not last the course. The most important phrase (excluding all the fabulous methods) that I got from this is that "Love is a choice".

We could alter society with this one.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
on 10 November 2011
I stumbled across this book at a difficult time in my marriage and it literally changed my life....understanding my Husband's love language and how it differed from mine allowed me to show him in the way he needed how much he meant to me and in return he has made a real effort to learn my love language too. A must read!
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