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62 of 62 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, something that works! Saved our 27 yr. marriage
The book is based upon scientific research, not oppinion. A VERY positive book. It gave us real hope. Not just another 'feel good' pop-psych book. It takes you inside the conflicts of real couples, and reveals the four marriage-killers, and the seven, very do-able skills to aquire to make a marriage work. I've read a lot of books trying to save my marriage. Some...
Published on 30 Aug 1999

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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars cognitive psych approach
Under the guise of scientific research, this book recommends that couples develop certain attitudes - cognitive styles - that will improve interactions. This is more important, the author asserts, than trying to resolve the issues that are discussed, debated, and argued about. In other words, he argues that it is far more important to be nice, to avoid being defensive or...
Published on 2 Sep 2011 by rob crawford


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62 of 62 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, something that works! Saved our 27 yr. marriage, 30 Aug 1999
By A Customer
The book is based upon scientific research, not oppinion. A VERY positive book. It gave us real hope. Not just another 'feel good' pop-psych book. It takes you inside the conflicts of real couples, and reveals the four marriage-killers, and the seven, very do-able skills to aquire to make a marriage work. I've read a lot of books trying to save my marriage. Some of them had some good things that truely helped. But it wasn't enough help. It never got to the root of the problem, and it left us both feeling like 'we have to completely change ourselves if we want to stay married'. Following the principles outlined in this book is FAR easier and FAR more effective than most other books I've read.
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26 of 27 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Science and Marriage going together like a horse and carriag, 16 May 1999
By A Customer
After watching marriage-advice books catalyze the destruction of my first marriage, I did not think I would find myself reading any more of these books soon. But I heard an interview with Dr Gottman on National Public Radio and I was so impressed that I ran out, bought the book and read it. The thing that makes the book so good is that it is based on rigorous, scientific research (you know, set up an experiment, collect data, look for patterns in the data without inserting your own preconceptions and report it). Although I found that most of Dr. Gottman's findings were not particularly surprising, I still found the book to be extremely useful because out of the many possible things a person could do to improve their marriage, this book tells you which ones really matter. The book also gave me a good sense of the problems that are encountered in happy marriages. For example, about 60% of the conflicts that happily married couples have are unresolvable (perpetual). This fact alone would have helped my first marriage a lot considering all the good will that we burned up trying to solve problems that were not solvable. Dr Gottman found that happy couples accept that these problems are unresolvable and can learn to live with them without damaging their relationship. As an analogy he points out that people with bad elbows can live very rich and rewarding lives as long as they don't make playing tennis a central part of their lives. In summary this is a great book that people who don't like marriage advice books can enjoy (as well as those who do).
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The seven principles for making marriage work, 10 Mar 2011
This review is from: The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work (Paperback)
This is an excellent book. Very well wtitten and very clearly explained. It outlines the fundamental differences in how males and females communicate which I found very helpful. Also , how to approach sensitive issues plenty of advice and examples on what to say, how to say and when not to say anything. Since, reading this book I am certainly communicating better with my husband and conflicts have decreased to almost nil which is super. Really liked it and if you are at the end of your tether and ready to just leave.. read this book. I am not saying it will heal your relationship , but, it will give you the tools to bring you to a place of peace and a better understanding of your spouse and yourself which i found very helpful in making the important decisions necessary in times of crisis. To stop the silly games . .and truly see your relationship for what it is and take ownership for your role in the dysfunction. I also, learned alot about myself and how I had fallen into every trap of bad communication there was so it really is excellent... Enjoy.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars THE IDEAL MARRIAGE IS WITHIN YOUR GRASP, DON'T STALL, 18 April 1999
By A Customer
This is one of the most useful and interactive books I have read in months. I read it twice: first just turning pages to do the true-false questionnaries to see how "strong" my marriage is and second to really read the book. I was struck by the combination of good insights for the "emotionally intelligent" couples to help make their marriages stronger and the straight-out advice for people who have shaky marriages or who quibble over many things (which for them are not insignificant). This is a must read for everyone who wants the most they can get out of, and put into, their relationship with their spouse as a partner, friend and lover. I suggest you skim this book and read the parts that apply to you. Chapters 8 and 10 are particularly good. Many of the problems described in THE SEVEN PRINCIPLES FOR MAKING MARRIAGE WORK are described as problems that interfere in all relationships in THE 2,000 PERCENT SOLUTION. That book describes the Tradition, Misconception and Communication Stalls that hinder questioning why the way we do things isn't good enough, understanding and trust. These elements are needed to move forward in whatever we do. Read that book too. Take the challenge to improve your marriage. Answer the questions and do the exercised. You will learn a lot about yourself and your spouse. My husband and I have already started.
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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical and free of psychobabble, 2 July 1999
By A Customer
I'm highly suspicious of self-help books as a genre, but this one really is good. I checked it out of the library initially, but will be purchasing it because it is so sensible, practical, and down-to-earth. There's no magic here; what Gottman points out seems like it should be obvious. Still, the obvious often eludes us, and this book provides some great ways of getting back in focus.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Seven Principles on Making a Marriage Work, 11 Jun 2009
By 
T. Foster - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Very informative, helpful personally as well as professionally. Everyone could use this book if they are married or thinking of getting married. People spend more time on their car and their physique but not their marriage and fine tuning its engine.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars very readable, very practical and refreshingly insightful, 29 Mar 1999
By A Customer
I don't ordinarily find worthwhile "self-help" non-fiction, but my wife swore that this one would be different. It was! Neither pedantic nor condescendingly oversimplified, this was an easy and actually enjoyable read. The questionnaires are a surprisingly effective complement to the clear, non-intimidating discussions of real-world couples' experience. Although the Seven Principles have a common sense familiarity as one moves through the book, I ultimately concluded that it was not because I was reading about things I already knew, but rather that I was learning things that intuitively made sense based on my own experience. That is always the most powerful and useful awareness to carry away from a book like this. Don't tell my wife, but I'm going to recommend this one to others as well. Kudos to Gottman and Silver.
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16 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent for any relationship, 22 May 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work (Paperback)
Don't let the title fool you. There is good advice for any interpersonal relationship. I know this book has helped my current relationship and my relationship with my family. Definitely worth your time, energy and relationship.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars cognitive psych approach, 2 Sep 2011
By 
rob crawford "Rob Crawford" (Balmette Talloires, France) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   
Under the guise of scientific research, this book recommends that couples develop certain attitudes - cognitive styles - that will improve interactions. This is more important, the author asserts, than trying to resolve the issues that are discussed, debated, and argued about. In other words, he argues that it is far more important to be nice, to avoid being defensive or sarcastic, to avoid stonewalling and the like.

While this may well be an important insight and may predict the prospects of couples facing divorce, I believe that the issues matter in marriages and thus that this advice only gets a couple in trouble part way there. THere are also exercises, in which couples can check their cognitive styles and try to adjust them.

REcommended with these limits in mind.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 25 Jun 2006
By 
SueP (Kent. England.) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work (Paperback)
Absolutely fantastic, after spending time at marriage guidance I decided to buy this book and found it really helped us start talking again, the turning point for both of us was "The four horsemen", if you need help and are both prepared to try then I would seriously recommend this book to you. Our marriage is back on track and we are really happy again. Good Luck.
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The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work
The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman (Paperback - 4 Jan 2007)
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