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4.7 out of 5 stars
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
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50 of 51 people found the following review helpful
on 12 October 2000
For the first time, I have actually understood why and how break-ups and divorces happen. Harville Hendrix's book tells a universal story simply and honestly. Even more importantly, it shows how to break those patterns and heal relationships even if they seem to be long past repair. Our childhood experiences dictate who we fall in love with - and we will choose exactly the person who can highlight all our weaknesses. Once the great rush of love is over, the challenges remain and, unless we learn how to love each other through them, patterns will simply repeat. The way out is shown to be very simple - although Hendrix is entirely honest in saying that it is not easy to do. I found this inspiring. I was recommended to this book by a couple who had used the principles to mend and revitalise their marriage after 20 years of misunderstandings. Their happiness, many years on, is a testamony of the effectiveness of this knowledge. I am now beginnng the work myself and it has given such hope.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
on 9 April 1999
reading his book was one of the most self enlightning thing that i have ever done .every chapter of it surprised me with knowledge that i've been looking for all my life. This book is so good that i had to read it slowly and absorb every single word in it. i would like to meet harville hendrix and tell him that he is one of the most intelligent people that i know who could make a difference.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
on 9 July 2006
The book is an easy and enjoyable read. I gleaned great number of pearls of wisdom and revealing insights about my marriage, myself and the reasons I do those things that make my spouse irritated. The author presents 16 exercises, which you can do together with your spouse to work on your relationship. They are interesting and practical, blended in a very readable format. Keep in mind however that this is not a quick fix book full of easy answers.

In it, Dr. Hendrix introduces the imago model, which he developed as a tool for understanding relationship problems. His approach is quite interesting to read as you will discover the "roots" of some of your marriage problems and will gain greater insight. I found this book valuable and directly applicable to my life. It gives you the tools to understand yourself as well as your partner. From that, you can start resolving long standing problems. It really helps you to get below the surface problems and deal with underlying issues. Near the end you are presented with two couples where everything you have learned is applied to show how situations can go from bad to blissful. Additional bestseller that helped my husband and me to achieve that is scientist Ritz' "Scientifically guaranteed multi-orgasms and ultimate sex". We highly recommend both of them.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
on 4 October 1998
As a practicing psychologist I have found few tools which are as helpful to couples as Hendrix's book. A well developed text written in a very approachable style. Not only does the book provide a solid theroretical foundation for understanding marriage and patterns of attraction, but it also gives tools and techniques that couples can use on their own to enhance communication and build greater intimacy. Unlike many self-help couples books which are based on "one good idea" this book is an excellent comprehensive guide in your path to a conscious realtionship. Highly recommended.
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38 of 44 people found the following review helpful
on 17 July 2005
This book was recommended to me by a top London family therapist after a year of marriage counselling. I devoured it in one sitting, gave to my husband to read (who just doesn't read "self-help" books, but he breezed through this one) and we both agreed that we got out of it more than from a year of therapy.
Very easy to read, it provides a great new insight into the marriage dynamics and makes you wonder why this is not a wideknown truth and why it isn't full of "Imago" therapists (the author calls his particular approach "Imago therapy").
The book has a set of exercises at the end, which if you do over 10 weeks are supposed to significantly improve your relationship. We are in week 2 and so far so good.
I highly recommend this book. Even if you do not do a single exercise and your partner doesn't want to hear about it, you will still get wisdom and perspective I had not come across anywhere else and which is bound to make you a better and more understanding partner and improve your relationship.
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23 of 27 people found the following review helpful
on 30 July 1999
The wonderful thing about Hendrix's book is that it is designed to help you restore your relationship not just understand how it fell apart.
We marry often by chance or peer pressure and live to wonder how "we got into this."
Hendrix shows us how to meet our own legitimate needs and understand how to meet our partners'.
In the end we cannot badger our partner into changing or loving us.
It is us who must change and in doing so we change the conduct of our partner.
We need to understand both, but work on ourselves.
Any one who feels stress in any relationship should read and understand the "imago" and our limbic brains use of it.
As Tina Turner says, "Whats love got to do with it,...its just a second hand emotion"
Well she half right. Visceral love has a lot to do with who we married, but mature love has as much to do with staying married.
Dr Hendrix is terrific.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
on 2 December 1998
Dr. Hendrix has condensed Adlerian psychodynamic psychotherapy into an easily read, easily understood volume which is appropriate to couples possessing the desire and motivation to enrich both thier marriage and their personal lives. As a practicing therapist, I find that Dr. Hendrix has developed tools which enhance the effectiveness of Adlerian therapy. One caution: for this book to be effective, maturity and discipline are required. It is not a magic pill; it is a tool which must be used diligently and with maturity.
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11 of 13 people found the following review helpful
on 5 January 1999
After reading just the first chapter of this book I felt relieved. My wife and I have drifted apart and are considering divorce. This book has hit the mark on so many of our issues and made me realize that these are issues that most all couples have.
The author gives excellent advice on how each person can grow and learn to fulfill their own needs as well as their spouse's. Even if my marriage does not work out I will take comfort in the fact that my next spouse will get the very best me possible.
It is also an exceptionally easy read. I made it through the first seven chapters in no time.
There are no quick fixes and not everyone will be able to make their marriages work but this book has given my marriage the best chance of working and given me the hope I needed to make it through some very troubling times.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on 14 June 2012
This book was recommended to help my husband and I hone our communication skills within our marriage. Although the book has some unproven theories in it, the exercises at the back have been really helpful. By working at them, we are beginning to communicate far more effectively and are beginning to understand why some things 'press our buttons' and get us agitated for, what seems to the other person, no logical reason.
I think you have to be in a basically sound and loving relationship for this book to be helpful. It could make things even more stressful if not.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on 23 April 2012
A really good guide for both professionals working with couples and couples wanting to understand why they are drawn to certain types of personalities. It clearly outlines steps to take in order to improve your relationship. A workbook is also available, which is an excellent resource for professionals, although it would be better if it was bound so you could photocopy the exercises.
It's an easy, informative read, difficult to put down!
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