Top positive review
114 people found this helpful
this will sort your head out
on 3 November 2013
I've read dozens, probably all, the books on narcissism, but I missed this one because I wasn't searching for 'psychopath' even though that's what I called my ex.
When this little book arrived I wanted to hate it: obviously self-published with a thin curling cover & low-quality graphic of a caged bird flying free, and written under the hippy pseudonym of 'Peace'.
However, it is right on the money, a brilliant little book that will sort your head out if you've been tangled up with a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath, whatever you want to call them. Those people who twist everything you say, who lie to your face without blushing, who belittle & insult you then claim THEY'RE the victim. All those nasty little mind games they play, they're right here.
It's written very well, only the odd typo (sorry, I'm a proofreader) and is mercifully free of annoying prose. It's down-to-earth, practical, BS free. It explains how your relationship started out like a fairytale: s/he showered you with compliments & praise, lavished gifts on you, called you the best thing that ever happened to them, called you 'soulmate' after just a few weeks. Then things start to go wrong, and you find s/he is insulting you, winding you up, being mean, flirting with their ex on social media. They break up with you, and while you are left heartbroken & confused, they're already in another relationship, and it's being flaunted right in your face (on faceb00k).
"Peace" explains that this was all a set-up, it was all staged, deliberately to ensnare you, make you fall in love, and then dump you. It's a game to the controller, they never did care for you, and they don't care for their other exes or their next partner (victim) either.
You didn't get caught out because you're stupid or because you're a masochist: you got caught because you're a caring kind person who tries to see the best in people. Because you would never treat someone so badly, you fail to recognise or believe it when someone does it to you: you forgive them, you give them another chance, you believe them when they say "it'll never happen again". Later on, when they really start to gaslight & crazymake you, you'll think you're going mad. They will TELL you you're going mad, imagining things, being paranoid, crazy. They will accuse you of being the things they are being: nasty, lying, abusive. They will shout at you and then say they never shouted, YOU were shouting. They will deny saying or doing things that you know darn sure they did, and they will convince you that YOU said or did those things. They are that manipulative & devious & unpleasant.
Your friends & family won't believe you because they always see the good (false) side of the abuser, who turns on the charm like a tap (faucet).
This book shows you the red flags that you missed or dismissed, it explains why nobody ever believes you when you say what your partner does in private, and why you "don't just leave".
Once you retrain yourself NOT to give these people a 2nd, 3rd or 10th chance, you are well on your way to avoiding being caught out time after time after time. You can break the cycle.
This one stays on my bookshelf with the work of Lundy Bancroft & Patricia Evans.