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on 7 June 2003
The problem with all the advice that you are given as the partner/child/parent/friend of a depressed person is always "be caring understanding and supportive". What no-one ever said to me before I read this book is that it's really hard to do those things when you're not getting them back in return. It was so wonderful to hear out loud that, yes, depressed people are selfish and self-centred and difficult to live with. As well as offering a truely helpful insight into the depressive's situation, this book validates all your feelings of frustration and resentment and tells you how to cope with them and look after yourself. Buy this book!
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on 26 February 2004
Invaluable support
I read this when my partner was experiencing a particularly low depressive episode, and I was begining to doubt that I could cope. I felt isolated, insecure, and as though I had lost the person I loved the most in the world. Reading this book helped me in so many ways: to understand more of what he was experiencing, the effect this was having on me, the effect this was having on our relationship and how I shouldn't take his depression personally. It helped me realise that to continue to help support him, I needed to support and look after myself more. The book provided me with some of that much-needed support. Well worth reading.
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on 6 July 1998
After I read A. Sheffield's book I realized that the emotional upheaval caused by my husband's undiagnosed manic-depression has been shared by other people. I am not alone anymore dealing with a wide range of negative emotions that this disease causes in family members who have this very serious disorder. I shared the book with my in-laws and they too understand the disease better and understand what has happened to their son, and to their relationship with him. Ms. Sheffield's book is equivalent to a masters degree in "depression fallout". Validating the pain, estrangement, and "emotional lockout" that occurs to family members when their loved one is clinically depressed and or manic depressive is a form of enlightenment. You realize that you, as a family member, are also stricken by this illness but in a different way. After reading the book, you feel more understanding of your depressed loved one...and in turn...with this new insight, might be able to help them and yourself. It gives you hope, whereas, before reading it, there was none. I am now in a support group for family members who have this affliction. Anne Sheffield's book has given me courage.
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on 19 September 2003
I'm returning today buy my third copy of this book, having given the previous two I owned away.
It's a useful and practical introduction to living with friends and family who may be difficult to understand in their depression; it looks at all the various relationships: being a parent, child or partner etc of someone who is depressed. In addition to covering types of depression, and how these might appear in and affect each type of relationship, the book also gives brief information on medication, and underlines the simultaneous need for talking therapy.
This is a great place to start in a discovery of how to help yourself as well as those you love.
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on 2 March 2013
I had been struggling desperately alone with my mans depression for 18 Months. It showed up fairly soon after we met and hit me like a sledge hammer. I had no clue how to deal with the cold, empty emotionless person that was unable to get out of bed and wouldnt communicate what was going on. The more i pushed for answers, the more he pushed me away. I had to adapt very quickly to avoid losing both my sanity and the man i love so deeply. After so long, dealing with this alone, i found this book. It has given me so much clarity, excellent advice, and through access to the website a lifeline of support and advice from fellow depression fallout sufferers.
I can now put into perspective the effects of depression both on my partner and myself. If you are struggling, get this book without hesitation and visit the site. You are not alone.
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on 3 July 1998
Run, don't walk, to get a copy of Anne Sheffield's book "How You Can Survive When They're Depressed: Living and Coping with Depression Fallout." Sheffield offers insights, suggestions, and information that will help you immediately -- from how to ensure that the person you love gets the best possible care to protecting yourself from the debilitating effects the illness has on you, the loved one or caregiver. I now keep this book at my bedside and read it again and again. It has become my "handbook" for coping, and I've sent it to a number of friends who can't thank me enough. Why? Because Sheffield addresses the profoundly disruptive nature of depression and manic-depression, both as they affect the sufferer and the sufferer's family, friends and loved ones. She covers virtually every aspect of the problems faced my loved ones of someone with a depressive illness.
Despite the fact that those of us dealing with this illness on a day-by-day basis are often exhausted, heartbroken, demoralized, resentful, and angry, Sheffield's book gives hope in the form of clear and incisive information, insight and advice. And all this she does with admirable and welcome good humor, compassion, intelligence and grace.
Sheffield knows whereof she speaks, having grown up with a depressive mother. She has done her research well, spending countless hours with other family and friends of people suffering from mood disorders. Their stories will sound familiar to you; their descriptions of solutions and coping skills will be invaluable.
Sheffield addresses the symptoms of depression and manic-depression and provides information on medications, side effects, and how to find the best possible medical help for a loved one. This alone is a real service to family members and loved ones, but Sheffield goes one giant step further by providing advice and techniques on taking care of yourself, something I have not yet encountered in any other book on this subject.
This book is an invaluab! le resource. Not only is it filled with important and useful information regarding diagnoses and treatments, it provides concrete steps for maximizing your own life in the face of your loved one's illness. Don't miss it!
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on 21 June 1998
An insightful and helpful book for those who have ever lived with a depressed person. Through case studies and research, Sheffield shares the pain of many who have suffered at the hands of depressed people. This book helps one to understand the guilt and horror one feels when living and coping with a depressed loved one. In addition to realizing that what I felt was not only acceptable, I realized that I was not alone in my feelings. Moreover, Sheffield gives real advice that leads to solutions. I learned to better understand my depressed partner, but also to recognize the effects that their depression was having on me. This book should be read by everyone, it has relevance far beyond the pair imprisoned by a depressive. It has helped identify and explain people's behavior outside the discussed relationships.
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on 19 April 1999
I have recommended this book so many times that I have lost count. Sheffield outlines the origins, symptoms and familial patterns of depression in a thoughful, engaging and instructive manner. While not positioned as a "how to" manual, I was nevertheless left with a sense of hope, understanding and an enhanced sense of how to more effectively cope with the depression which has plagued some of my own family members.
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on 20 April 1999
I am not a regular book reader or review. I bought the book when my wife was going through depression and we were having big time maritial problems. Sheffield showed me how to understand my wife and help myself.
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on 8 June 1998
An essential and up-to- date guide to understanding and living with deeply depressed spouses, family and loved ones. Easy to read and thorough with vivid case histories of tortured relationships, and practical advice on and solutions to seemingly impossible interpersonal problems. I have sent this to needy friends who are profuse in their gratitude. A fine book dedicated to educating the reader on how to recognize the situation and handle life when relationships go sour.
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