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4.6 out of 5 stars162
4.6 out of 5 stars
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on 24 July 2003
If you had bullying or controlling or abusive parents this is a MUST!!! It will help you understand the root of every issue or problem or personality trait which has eluded you. YOU MUST BE PREPARED to get angry, cry out loud. Try to give yourself time to read and come to terms with what you learn. I read it on holiday! It will force you to address issues with your parents in order to move on and be a real whole person. Reading this book has been the best and most life changing thing I have ever done-also the most painful.(therapy with someone familiar with the text is to be recommended post read!!!!) All I can say is thankyou Susan !!!!!
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on 16 January 2011
A marvellous straight talking book - some people may think that it's a little cold but I found that it was exactly what I needed, providing clear and sound reasoning of why I feel the way I do without any hint of pity, being patronised or the requirement to take the moral high ground by forgiving and forgetting the behaviour of my truly toxic parents. I have never spoken about my family life because I always thought I had made up the events of my childhood, that it was me that was sick, it was all my fault anyway and it really wasn't that bad! I bought this book to shame myself out of the feelings of having had a bad childhood. This book made me realise that I really did have a terrible childhood and my feelings towards my past and my parents were perfectly normal (although, far from healthy). This book provides strategies for dealing with controlling, demanding, manipulative parents that doesn't necessarily involve confrontation. It also deals with parents that deny all wrong doings, transfer blame, or are now absent. I cant recommend this book enough to anyone who thinks they might have had a bad time as a kid, or think that it wasn't that bad, or that their parents only do/did their best and they acted out of love for their kids..... etc
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on 7 January 2011
Wow, this book has helped me identify some of the demons that have haunted my life. I recommend people read the book from start to finish as at the end of it is the important bit and not to be missed as that helps you to overcome the emotional struggle you have carried round with you for years! This book can help you with a variety of issues in your life and put light to them as to why they happened or to be happening now. I think it should come with a warning that it can bring to the surface feelings you have buried about the past, but also to remember you must complete the ending as it can help give you the freedom in your life and that freedom is rightfully yours! :)
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on 21 January 2002
I found this book very easy to read - no technical jargon to wade through, very helpful and informative. A number of case studies of those who have been suffering because of the way their parents treated them. Also practical help on how to deal with feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness resulting from ill treatment of a variety of natures, if and when to confront and how best to do it. A must for anyone in the counselling business or anyone just needing guidance in this area.
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on 21 May 2006
This book is just incredible. For the first time I felt valued and acknowledged. I have read this book twice now and the impact was greater the second time because I finally got really honest about things that had happened. What is great is the hope it offers, the continual reminder that you can unmesh yourself from the hurt of your childhood and your parents and claim a life of your own. Susan Forward uses real life examples to back up her professional advice. Some of the things you are led to think of are painful but it is very accessible and you are taken on your journey step by step. Be brave and rediscover the the real you. I thoroughly recommend it. This is not just another self-help book..
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on 31 July 2003
Susan takes you through the process of accepting and trusting what you feel and remember about your childhood to be real, accepting the incredible impact your parents still have on your actions and decision making capabilities, and also urges you to let go of the fantasy that your parents will change and make you all better again. Instead, she shows you specific ways of gaining control of your life and choosing how far your parents will remain the dictating influence in your thought process. I read it cover to cover in 48 hours - just to make sure there were no 'traps' or things I am too afraid to do. There aren't. You are in control, you set the pace, and you don't need to move on to the next stage until you are ready. A must for anyone who feels like they don't know how to be themselves, or even just "be". I'm about to go through it again and sort my life out. No more burying my head, now I'm in control!
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on 28 December 2009
I bought this book four months ago and have just re-read it. If anything, it hit home all the more this time around. I agree wholeheartedly with many of the positive comments made in other reviews, and I have to say that I did not find this book at all cold or dead in tone. In fact, I found that Susan Forward's voice spoke in a warm and supportive way to me, both kind and objective at once. This sounds odd because she is telling you some cold, hard facts about your relationship with your parents, but I simply felt a huge sense of relief that someone understood my situation and could offer an explanation for my feelings. The book also devotes a considerable section to practical excercises; not on how to change your parents, because Susan Forward makes you realise that you cannot do this, but rather how to change the way you deal with them and thereby how to transform your own life. I appreciate that this sounds dramatic, but this book completely changed the way I viewed my relationship with my parents, one of whom is an alcoholic and a controller, and the other of whom enables this behaviour. Susan Forward helped me to understand the feelings of guilt and anger that I have, and to begin to work on how to address them. Given what I know now, I would pay ten times the cost of this book. If you have abusive or controling parents, please give it a try. It could change your life! It certainly changed mine. (At the same time as reading 'Toxic Parents' I began attending Al-Anon meetings, which support the friends and relatives of alcoholics. I definitely believe these two sources of support and information in conjunction were especially effective.)
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on 17 June 2008
I ordered this book when i reached breaking point. Unlike other self-help books it wasn't too Americanized and gave plenty of examples of men and women who couldn't cope due to family disputes and manipulation.
This book gave me the courage to face up to my difficult mother and deal with other painful memories. I also saw a therapist so the two things meant i could move on and start living MY life. Hurrah. A great book.
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on 24 August 1999
Mine was not a tale of incest or alcoholism, but just about every other "toxic" thing parents could do happened in my family. This book has already made a difference to me by clearly affirming what I feel is true about the "toxic" behavior (and that's very reassuring when denial is a big factor.) I realize what I have been seeking all these years is the parental approval and love I missed but that I should stop looking for what will never be there. The book offers great suggestions on how to disengage from a destructive parental relationship by NOT REACTING to the "toxic" behavior. I'm writing this review in the hope that others may find this book helpful, too.
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on 7 December 1998
I have purchased three copies, one for my husband and two for his sisters. Upon receiving the shipment I read this book again. Five & a half years ago, a friend suggested that I read it and it reassured me about the observations I was that stunned me. Toxic parents can have a devastating effect that brings on shame, preventing some from seeking help early in life and the saddest legacy is that it gets past on for generations.
Any adult who emotionally strips their child of self-esteem, self-worth and confidence is a Toxic parent! Any parent who enables the also a Toxic parent! And sadly to say, any victim who chooses not to overcome the hurtful legacy can potentially become a Toxic sibling, a Toxic spouse or a Toxic friend.
I never thought that I would, one day, wake up to the realization that I was in a Toxic relationship... sometimes it sneaks up on you! I "ROCKED THE BOAT" and endured a backlash from my husband and his family this book made me realize that I had to stick to my guns if I wanted to have a healthy marriage.
Nobody should ever feel obligated to hide or burden the family shame.
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