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74 of 76 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Most Useful Book That I Have Ever Read
Many years have passed since I first bought and read Dr. Smith's revolutionary book. I have never found any techniques so universally applicable for dealing with people who don't care about fairness or my feelings. I have successfully used the broken record and fogging techniques to deal with manipulative relatives who want to tell me what to do "to help...
Published on 13 Aug 1999

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Confusing!
This book was too confusing for me...
I can tell it is a good book and the author is right in what they are saying and all the examples they give,
but i just found all the descriptions of the background psychology & the different contributing aspects of all the psychological scenarios playing into situations to be too confusing..
I like the commandments at...
Published 9 months ago by deborah r clarkson


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74 of 76 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Most Useful Book That I Have Ever Read, 13 Aug 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy (Mass Market Paperback)
Many years have passed since I first bought and read Dr. Smith's revolutionary book. I have never found any techniques so universally applicable for dealing with people who don't care about fairness or my feelings. I have successfully used the broken record and fogging techniques to deal with manipulative relatives who want to tell me what to do "to help me" and self-disclosure and the broken record to convince store employees to accept back defective merchandise even if their store policy "doesn't allow" them to do this! This book taught me how to stand up for myself and stop trying to solve everyone else's problems (the store's agreement with a manufacturer or distributor)and focus on getting what I have paid for. I am smiling as I write this because I have just returned from a trip to a major toy retailer whose store manager refused to take back a defective stroller "because you don't have the box." Needless to say, after using Dr. Smith's methods, the manager gave me full credit on my credit card within fifteen minutes. I never needed to become unpleasant or raise my voice. Dr. Smith should be cannonized by the "doormats" of the world. You will be doing yourself a favor if you buy this book!
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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the best and most useful., 7 Sep 2010
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This review is from: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy (Mass Market Paperback)
I read and then studied this book over 20 years ago. Since then I have looked at similar works that are more complex sometimes using more oblique terms and concepts. This remains in my humble opinion the most useful and practical work on improving a person's ability to effectively communicate and cope with others at all ages in life.

As a means of lessening anxiety in social situations this work if practiced and made part of your way of behaving will greatly improve your ability to get along with people.

Even if your a confident, mostly non anxious person, an indepth study of this work with a lot of practice will bring an even greater sense of being able to cope with most social situations.

It covers all aspects of conflict resolution in peer groups, be it with family, friends, fellow workers, between kids, between you and your kids.

It shows you how to do what you want, if not all the time, then at least some of the time no matter who are dealing with or what the situation may be.

It is not about control as you can't control anyone without bullying. It is about confidently using your human ability to cope and adapt and ultimately to verbally communicate with other people in an effective way that leaves you feeling and knowing you were not manipulated emotionally or bullied.

Remember this is about social, mostly civilized situations, not for when dealing with nutters or muggers.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Classic assertiveness training manual, 11 Aug 2009
By 
Rolf Dobelli "getAbstract" (Switzerland) - See all my reviews
(TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   
This review is from: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy (Mass Market Paperback)
Take a trip back to the 1970s, when leisure suits, long sideburns and "assertiveness training" were all the rage. Psychologist Manuel J. Smith was a pioneer in the life-changing assertiveness training movement. Reading his bestseller about it decades later adds a new perspective. Some of his advice still feels relevant, particularly when he urges you to beware of those who try to impose their standards of "right" and "wrong" to manipulate you. Smith lists your 10 "assertive rights," the most important being the right to be the ultimate judge of your own behavior. He details several verbal techniques you can use to block manipulation, and encourage productive communication and negotiation. He supports each tactic with sample dialogues from real-life situations. Although some of his counsel may seem as dated as disco, getAbstract recommends his classic training manual to anyone who still feels guilty about saying "no!"
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20 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read, 30 Jan 2004
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This review is from: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy (Mass Market Paperback)
So many of us have difficulty asserting our true feelings. How many times have you blown up at someone about something that has nothing to do with the real issue?
This book teaches you that it is okay to express your needs. In an easy to read style Manuel Smith explains the tools that you can use in day to day life to help you be more assertive. He backs his theories up with solid examples that will give you the confidence to put them into practice.
Being assertive doesn't always mean you win confrontations, but after reading this book you will be able to confidently say "No" without feeling guilty.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is helping me tremendously!, 5 Nov 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy (Mass Market Paperback)
I have read many books on human behavior, understanding manipulation, and even spent time in counseling to discover that I was passive. Well after going over the problem in counseling, I kept asking "ok, what is the solution?" Well, it seemed that we spent more time on the problem than on the solution. In fact I am not sure they had a solution. I started to read this book a few years ago and couldn't imagine that you do not have to give a reason or excuse for returning merchandise. I have applied the lessons in the book and have felt great! The broken record is working effectively for me - a solution! A method that works. I am practicing daily and recommend this book to anyone that has a difficult time saying "no". The key is to not just read it, do it.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The most effective assertiveness training book available., 21 Jan 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy (Mass Market Paperback)
The methods described in this book are organized to help the learner progress from the simple to complex. The 10 assertive rights, and the assertive skills are comprehensive, and the practice dialogues demontrate the techniques in a step-by-step way so that the learner can master them one at a time. Applying these skills in everyday life improves frank and direct communication, and may require others to adjust to your new-found emotional freedom. Let them.
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25 of 28 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The book where my life started to change, 15 Jun 2001
By A Customer
This review is from: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy (Mass Market Paperback)
This books gave me a completely different prospective on communicating with other people. In a moment in my life when I was desperate to rise to the heights of sophisticated office politics and "fit" into them I learned that there are other ways to realise my goals and achieve what I want - and a better and simpler. This book is about being assertive, non-manipulative and not allowing to be manipulated either. Once you understand the concept it is brilliant and simple - and applies universally in all life situations. Although I thought that some of the examples of personal liberty provided by the author were somewhat extreme - this only proves the point of the book about not doing what you "should", i.e. don't take it as a literate instruction how to solve your problems.
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23 of 26 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent book, 4 Jun 2005
By A Customer
This review is from: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy (Mass Market Paperback)
This book really helped me with being assertive. I didn't really think I needed much help in this area as I thought I was quite an assertive person except when it comes to asking for money back from close friends but this book was enlightening. I found some of the concepts really hard to accept and I realised how appologetic I am when the situation does not require. I couldn't put this book down, I found it so helpful. I highly recomend this book to everyone, even if you think you are assertive. It is an enlightening, well written book and absolutly everyone should have a copy.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful book - wish I had read it 20 years ago, 27 Sep 2010
This review is from: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy (Mass Market Paperback)
This is an excellent book and very, very inspiring and very practical with a lots and lots of useful examples of how the techniques can be used. My only criticism is that the print in this version is very small.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book that struck home, 24 Jun 2010
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This review is from: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy (Mass Market Paperback)
This is a great assertiveness training book. Very clear, non-nonsense advice that I've taken to heart and am now getting used to as a means of being authentic in myself. I wish I had read it years ago instead of waiting until now.
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