Customer Reviews

28
4.6 out of 5 stars
Your rating(Clear)Rate this item


There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.

85 of 86 people found the following review helpful
on 26 September 2003
A lovely book. Engel comes from love and empathy for abusers and abusees alike and is wonderfully free of judgements. A moving, highly readable and deeply usable guide to how to recognise and then stop patterns of abuse when we are in the habit of giving or receiving it. An inspiring read, and manual, for counsellors and a potential lifesaver for human happiness for everyone from the multiply divorced to the person who's just shouted at their partner for the first time ever. But not for those who believe abusees are victims (poor me)and abusers are monsters: Engel holds that blame benefits no-one and everyone, if willing, can grow and learn new, loving, abuse-free habits that esteem both themself and their partner. Written in wonderfully plain jargon-free English (except that she refers to "borderline personality disorder").
Engel defines emotional abuse as "any non-physical behaviour designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish or isolate another person" i.e. everything from blaming to sulking, demands to insults, domineering to overinquisitiveness. [So if you've lived with someone for more than a month and never ever given or received emotional abuse, click here for your halo:-)]
Beverly focuses on emotional abuse but but her techniques could be equally transformative for people who give or receive physical, sexual or verbal abuse. Similarly, the book is all about lifepartners but can be adapted to other close relationships e.g. parent/step-parent to adult child.
33 commentsWas this review helpful to you?YesNoSending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
34 of 34 people found the following review helpful
I can't recommend this enough. Packed with clearly presented information, easy to read, clear exercises, plus she herself was abusive and worked through it, so is completely speaking from a place of real informed balance and empathy.
44 commentsWas this review helpful to you?YesNoSending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
on 16 January 2012
This book is a must for anyone who has been through emotional abuse/neglect or had a very critical parent. I bought it because I was fed up of my husband being emotionally abusive, as I read it I realised I too was being abusive, neither of us intentionally. This book was a real eye opener and really helped me understand myself better and help improve my relationship with my husband and children. An excellent book highly recommend.
0CommentWas this review helpful to you?YesNoSending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
27 of 28 people found the following review helpful
on 15 August 2009
This book gives great insight into what has been going on in your abusive relationship. It helps you acknowledge, understand and stop the abuse. Also pointing out that sometimes the only answer is to GET OUT!!!!!
11 commentWas this review helpful to you?YesNoSending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
on 4 September 2010
The book has open my eyes to a lot of ongoing issues in my life that not even the doctors could resolve in my 11 year stretch of suffering. This book has now equipt me with the mental tools to deal with all emotions in my life and i haven't even finished the book! The author touches on some subjects that will bring tears to your eyes as you look at the page and think its "you" she is talking about. The author has made me realise that I am not innocent either as much as you are a victim you are an abuser, but its not about hiding the fact, it is about addressing it before it affects all your loved ones around you. The book has made me see how my response to situations have been wrong if not made the situation worse. This book will make you start from the begining, from childhood to help you identify where it all went wrong. I never knew there were so many types of abuse in existance. This book makes sense 100%. You may not always like what you are reading but read on, it does not portion blame but allows you to identify where you or your partner may be going wrong, whether it really is time to call it a day or how to relsove the situation.
0CommentWas this review helpful to you?YesNoSending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
on 31 March 2011
Has been a life saver, with so much wisdom that even rereading it years later, gems still appear, cant rate it highly enough.
0CommentWas this review helpful to you?YesNoSending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
on 13 November 2011
A must for every couple (and for any person actually) if you want to understand how to stop the pain chain.
0CommentWas this review helpful to you?YesNoSending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on 16 August 2012
This book has brought to light some of the many issuse my family history has. I given this book to family members who have found this book a little disturbing but also a very interesting idea of what we do that affects others. Anyone who feels they might be affected by emotional abuse should read this book as I'm sure a lot of people out there don't realise that they are probably emotionally abusive as well . I hope that the people who read this book take stock of there lives and make the appropriate changes to lead a more forfilling life . Good luck to all who start there journey .
0CommentWas this review helpful to you?YesNoSending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
79 of 89 people found the following review helpful
on 17 August 2010
This book is not about emotional abuse. It is about dysfunctional relationships where each person brings their own baggage to the relationship and how that can be dealt with. This is fine, and it does this okay. However it cites films as sources of enlightenment and cites no actual research at all.
But the crucial problem is that this book talks about abuse as though it can be accidental. If it is accidental and your "abuser" cares that you are hurt by their behaviour, then it is not abuse - it is unfortunate dynamics emerging because of past experiences. This can be worked on through therapy in a way that should not be attempted in cases of real abuse. The cases described in the book are not cases of abuse, but normal emotional difficulties in a relationship that have lead to destructive behaviours.
For a real insight into abuse, which is stunningly accurate and well researched, read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. The title is off-putting and simplistic but the content is not.
If you are not in an emotionally abusive relationship but are looking to heal the wounds in your relationship brought about by past experience and destructive patterns of relating to each other, then this book may be interesting.
55 commentsWas this review helpful to you?YesNoSending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on 1 November 2011
Amazingly powerful book encouraging individuals to look honestly at their relationships and why we attract the repetative patterns of abuse. Engel shows the way to take ownership for your emotional health. Because she has been on her own journey, there is a sense of being accompanied on the path to regain self worth and empowerment.
0CommentWas this review helpful to you?YesNoSending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
Report abuse
     
 
Customers who viewed this item also viewed

Power And Control: Why Charming Men Can Make Dangerous Lovers
Power And Control: Why Charming Men Can Make Dangerous Lovers by Sandra Horley (Paperback - 21 Feb. 2002)
£8.99

 
     

Send us feedback

How can we make Amazon Customer Reviews better for you?
Let us know here.

Sponsored Links

  (What is this?)
  -  
Find Expert Advice To Help Parents Identify & Protect From Self-Harm
  -  
Don't suffer in your Relationship! Speak to us for Confidential Advice