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4.4 out of 5 stars34
4.4 out of 5 stars
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TOP 500 REVIEWERon 3 July 2012
The author had the terrible experience of her relatively young husband dropping dead while jogging. They had only been married for four years. In her quest to find a way to deal with the loss she used her researcher's skills to find other bereaved people and collate the information into this helpful book. She takes you through what she has identified as seven stages on the road to acceptance of what has happened and a pathway for finding a new life without the loved one. Her loss was when she was young and she was able to find solace through her career and a new relationship, the book is is just as helpful to those who are much older and who have lost a loved one after many years of marriage or who have lost a child. Although these are different kinds of bereavement, the progression from shock and disbelief to acceptance and some form of recovery appear to follow a similar path. You'll weep at the recognition of what you're feeling but the reminder that others have felt the same and found some kind of stability over time gives hope that the pain will eventually lessen and there will be days when you don't cry and repeated thoughts of your loss intrude. I do recommend this book. I had been a bit wary (and unreasonably prejudiced) about book by an American author, but found her advice sensible and comforting.
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on 8 August 2003
If you have been recently bereaved, read this book. If you know someone who has lost someone close, buy them a copy of this book and get them to read it. It will help them enormously. The author has written a deeply-felt, very thoughtful and supportive work here. It guides you through the seven stages of bereavement, and helps you recognise that everything you are feeling is normal. The author discusses her own experience of widowhood at an early age and includes short quotes from bereaved and divorced people she has interviewed. As a result, the whole approach is extremely sympathetic and gently encouraging. It is like the author takes you hand and personally guides you from the point of impact right through to reintegration into a normal, rebuilt life.
I cannot recommend it highly enough and would give it six or even seven stars, if I could.
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on 19 January 1998
Seven Choices was recommended to me six years ago when our son died. We recently lost a second son and I remembered Seven Choices and have again started to read it for healing and growth.
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on 21 June 2012
Not everything in this book rings true for me - but I would recommend it to anyone who has been hit by loss, especially where there are feelings of ambivalence or, as in my case, a very sudden and unexpected death, which left many hopes unrealised and plans unfinished. A good read, and very grounding just when you're being swept up in a tornado of grief.
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on 14 October 1998
This book helped many of us who were part of a young widows/widowers support group. We used each chapter as a discussion guide! Best wishes to anyone in need.
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on 24 May 1999
I am so happy I found this book. It was passed around to everyone in my grief support group.we only had 2 copies and at the time we tried to buy more we were told it was out of print.Everyone will be happy to hear they can buy there own copy now.I read every book I could get my hands on when my husband died.This book gave me the strength,hope & spirit to go on with my life
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on 19 March 1999
After losing my husband at the age of 33 I found myself with nobody in the same situation to share my feelings with. This book helped me focus the feelings I had, which were often so overwhelming and confusing. I found myself reading her quotes of other people's feelings and experiences and saying "yes - that's it - I feel that too". The book was such help to me that I buy a bunch of them from time to time and share them with friends who lose someone close to them.
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on 25 May 1999
I am in retreat ministry and use Seven Choices as a foundational resource when presenting grief workshops and/or facilitating bereavement support groups. This author "tells it like it is" in a very down-to-earth fashion. She shares her personal experience of loss in ways that invite the reader to also open up and share life's greatest wound and greatest challenge...LOSS.
When Elizabeth Harper Neeld presents Seven Choices in a weekend retreat the participants feel compassionately affirmed and look forward with hope for the experience of the "turning-point".
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on 19 September 2014
Can I write a review if I haven't finished the book yet? I will, because if the rest of the book is as beautifully written as the 34% I have so far read, then it deserves all five stars. I lost my partner 9 months ago, and really only downloaded this onto my Kindle because I met another bereaved person and felt that common experience wasn't enough, that a book which gave permission to be overwhelmed by sadness would be helpful. Also there is another reviewer who writes that it was essential reading for her bereavement group. The author cites first class sources, Bowlby, Pincus, Storr, and also tells her own story, which is heartwringing and yet she has been courageous enough to document for the benefit of others, with the back-up of these and other sources less familiar to me, her experience. I have just read about anniversaries triggering a revival of mourning, and apart from all the usual birth/death dates, I read that after 9 months, a revival of grief occurs. "It happens often enough that researchers even write about it," says a psychotherapist specialising in grief. And that is exactly what happened to me. It is peculiarly comforting hearing relevant snippets from the stories of others as if grief, one tends to feel so alone and can become very self-centred. So I recommend this book highly, and thank the author from the bottom of my heart for writing it.
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on 6 December 1997
An outstanding reference book that identifies the unexplainable myriad of emotions that one experiences when losing someone, not only to death, but to divorce and other losses as well. Very articulate, Elizabeth Harper Neeld has "been there, done that" every inch of the way. It reads almost like a novel, though it's not, and is hard to put down. I used to administer a medical examiner's office and this was the only book on grief that I'd recommend to the family members/friends with whom we had to work.
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