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41 of 42 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Tried and tested
At 33 I had lived with 3 previous partners and even had a child by my ex partner. I decided to read the rules because I never seemed to get man to treat me the way I wanted, not mess me around, cheat - usual stuff! I read the book and some of it is laugh out loud stuff as it seems so old fashioned. However, I met a guy on a ski trip and instead of being my usual keen...
Published on 24 July 2010 by Bobookfan

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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Behaviour modification but not true intimacy
The basic premise of this book is that a woman can behave in a certain way to secure a man's proposal of marriage.
It gives behavioural advise on what actions elicit which behaviour in the opposite sex.
It's a manipulation tool regarding courtship.
The central tennet is that you have to deny natural behaviours in order to do this... "the rules are...
Published 11 months ago by delight-in-the-read


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41 of 42 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Tried and tested, 24 July 2010
This review is from: All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Mass Market Paperback)
At 33 I had lived with 3 previous partners and even had a child by my ex partner. I decided to read the rules because I never seemed to get man to treat me the way I wanted, not mess me around, cheat - usual stuff! I read the book and some of it is laugh out loud stuff as it seems so old fashioned. However, I met a guy on a ski trip and instead of being my usual keen self I followed the rules and held back - even doing the simple stuff suggested in the book. Well what can I say, after 9 months of dating (yes dating - not moving in together) we became engaged, married 6 months after that, living together shortly after that and now happier than I've ever been.

The main principle of the book is spot on, but use your common sense as which parts are a bit far fetched. Sime reviewers say that you aren't presenting your true self and you are duping a man into marrying you by game playing. You're not, you are still you and any man can see clearly the girl he is dating. All you're doing is not giving too much away and making him do the chasing. Dating is a game whatever way you look at it. This way you're in control and can weadle out the ones who aren't willing to go the extra mile for you.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing, 4 July 2011
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This review is from: All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Mass Market Paperback)
OMG girls it really works !!!!Absolutely great so far, my only regret is that i didn't read this 10 years ago !!!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Behaviour modification but not true intimacy, 8 May 2013
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This review is from: All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Mass Market Paperback)
The basic premise of this book is that a woman can behave in a certain way to secure a man's proposal of marriage.
It gives behavioural advise on what actions elicit which behaviour in the opposite sex.
It's a manipulation tool regarding courtship.
The central tennet is that you have to deny natural behaviours in order to do this... "the rules are difficult" it states, but if you want to get your man you need to force yourself to be this way.
That's great up to a point, however it denies the nature of true intimacy, even within the marriage relationship [in which " a rules girl" must continue to behave according to the rules if she wants to be loved.

Why can't a woman share her fears and feelings with a man? I ask...
If you can't be your husband's best and closest friend there is a problem. If a man cannot be there for you in a listening and understanding capacity [as much as you are there for him as an all listening attentive female] then it is not a balanced relationship.

I read this book but the deeper I got into it the more it started screwing with my thinking on my current relationship. I stopped sharing myself with my guy and started to behave like someone else. He got nervous and upset that he was losing me, but it did not bring him closer to me, it made him question the intimacy that we share....
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A timeless classic., 23 Jan 2008
This review is from: All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Mass Market Paperback)
The Rules are a bit like a good timepiece. It always makes sense to come back to these after playing the field a little. I really do think this book has a lot of good advice to offer. Also, I liked and would recommend another called "Dating Sense--the practical way...". Both, together, can help any girl get a better dating game.
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14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Modern ladies - sorry to say it - This works!!, 5 Jun 2010
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This review is from: All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Mass Market Paperback)
After my 11 year marriage broke down I found myself back on the dating scene at 36 not knowing how to play. With my self-esteem a little bruised I was having a heck of a year and my dating experiences weren't helping! I was adopting all the 'modern' rules of dating and decided since they weren't working I'd check out this book in spite of what I'd heard about it being old-fashioned. Well ladies, not only did these principles help me marry someone who treats me like gold (four years on), as I started adopting these rules something more profound took place and I began to feel as valuable as I was forcing myself to act - I began to gently insist on respectful behaviour in all aspects of my life: work, social, family and finances. I am amazed to be telling you that ALL my relationships improved including the one with myself and my salaried doubled in 7 years time. I hope you too can persist in obeying the somewhat pedantic rules in this book until you can know what it's like to feel as valuable as these rules make you look when you adopt them. Good luck!
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19 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Changed my attitude to myself, 8 May 2011
By 
Oceanflower (London, United Kingdom) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Mass Market Paperback)
This book (in conjunction with "He's Just Not That Into You") broke my belief that I was worthless. It showed me some practical steps I could take in order to wait for a man who thought highly of me. I read this book when I was 40 and had just finished a 4 year relationship with an unemployed waster who bullied me and eventually pushed me over and raised his fist ready to punch me in the face. The only other relationship I'd had was a one-year relationship with another unemployed waster, but who was a sweet man simply going nowhere. All my other "relationships" were one or two week affairs where I would drop everything and be at the man's beck and call.

I transformed myself and my life and, feeling very embarrassed and self-conscious and thinking that no man would bother to wait for me if I wasn't readily available, I nevertheless followed the rules. The most beautiful and perfect, kind, lovely and successful man wooed me, and we are still together and so very, very happy after 4 lovely years. I still struggle with a lack of confidence but he has helped me to know that despite my reservations, I am really worthwhile and I'm about to set up my own business.

I can see why people criticise this book for suggesting that you play games, or manipulate men. But for me it was simply showing me in a practical way how I could act to give the impression that I had some self-respect, and as a result I was treated with respect, and grew to have self-respect.
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41 of 48 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Rules Were Made To Be Broken & Not The Heart!, 7 Feb 2004
By 
Jenni Doherty (Derry, Northern Ireland) - See all my reviews
As Valentine's Day is in the horizon I decided to check out this little number to catch a few tricks of the trade. There are a few unsavouy tricks alright and not many treats to enhance the relationship of romancing.
It is one of the most notorious, and controversial, dating books ever published. Readers might remember an experimental programme Channel 4 produced to test the theories of five major bestselling books of which ‘The Rules’, as one, was aired a couple of years ago. It focused on five bright and beautiful career women from London, I think, in dire need of a partner. Each undertook the ethos of this book to the extreme, under the manipulative critique of the two ‘Dynasty/Dallas-cloned’ authors with big hair and small minds. For the viewer it was brilliant and bewildering to watch, a little ‘Doris-Day-meets-Cruella-De-Ville’ (or should that be Glenn Close in ‘Fatal Attraction’?) and had every feminist in the country up in arms, legs and fists. (The end result; all five femme fatales still single. Worked wonderfully, don't you think?)
That aside, the book provides advice on how to behave, speak and act in order to get your man (any man will suffice) to propose. It further demands, (not suggests), that ‘he’ does all the chasing in the relationship, pays for ‘all’ the dates (as if) and that the little lady ends phone conversations before him (some chance), and never has sex on the first, second or third date (no problem, Father). This, apparently, will leave Mr Right begging for more and pave the way to securing his heart forever with a possible marriage. Are we that desperate? I don't think so.
Some women have described following ‘The Rules’ as a godsend; others that it has been destructive and degrading, with cheap psychological tricks treating their subjects like an experiment. It is based on a very cynical attitude towards dating as a precursor to ‘closing the deal’, i.e: getting that ring on your finger.
The best advice to women in this book is to ‘be an uncommon creature’, but women use their own wisdom and character to be unique, and do not need a list of shallow rules instructing how to live their life. Natural individuality shines through by itself and with the choice and courage of your own convictions; anything can be conquered and accomplished. (I’m on a roll here).
If you do decide to follow ‘The Rules’ use your own discretion, respect yourself and make it work for you. It is not the bible it brags to be to bag that man. If you follow its advice it promises that you will be the most desirable woman on the planet and he will treat you like a princess. You don’t really need this book to tell you that and how to become Queen Me. You are perfect as you are. Just be yourself and trust your own instincts, and the rest will follow. Let your heart rule your head and vice-versa, not this bin-bag of a book. In your hunt for red-blooded male have some flirty, healthy and honest fun and good luck!
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62 of 73 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars i regret ever reading this book, 3 April 2003
By A Customer
I tried the rules out myself, kept phone calls short, played hard to get, it was fun and I enjoyed the game. Then I met someone whom I've since come to see in hindsight genuinely cared for me. I found the rules hard to keep because I just wanted to spend time with him and open up to him, but I'd been hurt before so I decided to keep using them to protect myself. But...
...he found the book in my room, read through it while I was out, and saw that some things which we had argued about in the past (e.g. why I rarely phoned him, why I was so "busy") and had caused some friction in our relationship were a result of the rules, which I hadn't told him about. He told me he couldn't trust my word or respect me any more for treating him like the subject of an experiment, and left - I haven't been able to contact him since.
It started out like a game and made me feel desired and in control for a while but it has left me in a bad place emotionally, I feel like I've blown perhaps what could have worked and lost a degree of my own self-respect too. I regret BIG TIME ever picking up this silly, destructive book and applying it to my life.
The rules won't win the love of any man worth winning, just men who are desperate, dull and predictable in their behaviour. The best advice to women in this book is "be an uncommon creature" - but I've come to realise that such a woman would use her own wisdom and character, not a list of shallow rules about how to live her life.
I've learnt a lot from this book, but not what I was expecting to - above all, that games can end up hurting everyone involved. You're better off reading a book that helps you communicate with and understand your partner better rather than one that teaches you how to play cheap psychological tricks on them.
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28 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Stuff, 16 Dec 2002
By A Customer
This book really doesn't deserve the criticism it has attracted. The main problem I think is that people read it and then try to do the Rules verbatim and thats difficult because of all the differing situations we are frequently in. The best rule and strangely enough the one that gets the feminists quite riled up in my opinion is the "be a creature unlike any other" - when I am doing this (and I admit it's hard to remember) I really do feel relaxed and serene and capable. Surely being that person the rest will follow on naturally? It really is the most important rule in the book. The book made me sad when I read it in some parts because I recognised all my silly mistakes and to think of the days/hours/years I must have spent messing around and agonising over someone who never panned out - no matter how much energy I expended. This book, despite being panned in many quarters, describes a way of being that will free women from that mess. It's interesting because I don't talk about the Rules very much because they are so controversial but I notice the women who oppose such games (on feminist grounds) are actually the one's who when a great guy comes into their lives they chase, agonise and despair - the Rules would save them from all that. It took a long time for me to incorporate the Rules into my life in a manageable way. I found it difficult to translate them into my own life but as per the above being a creature unlike any other really helps a lot. You don't have to do that all the time but it sure helps when one is out and about or going to a party or whatever. Also, I found it hard because often I would doubt them but take it from me - as hard and difficult as they are to do they do provide results. The thing that you must trade off here is that if a guy isn't really interested in pursuing you, when you do the Rules he won't pursue you (because he's really not that interested and never was up for the pursuing thing). The trade off is that you will often meet men who are in that catagory and who you are interested in and the temptation is to chase them and just have the little bit of romance (you know won't last but what the hell). Thats the choice you make in this game because armed with the Rules any guy who is serious gets a chance to pursue someone who doesn't suffocate him and really capture you and experience his own biological need for manliness in the process. However, if he's not serious he won't do that so you have to have the courage of your convictions here and know that when you do the Rules you do get the serious one's but you have to let a lot of fun times (and possible pain it is fair to say) slide too. The Rules really do free up a lot of your emotional energy to focus on other things in your life so I do think the criticism is unfair but as I said, theres an awful lot of truth in that little book and we all know the saying don't we?
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11 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Book that Broke my Bad Relationship Cycle!, 28 Aug 2011
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This review is from: All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right (Mass Market Paperback)
I've pretty much been in constant relationships since I was a teenager, and was never truly happy. I always compromised, made excuses for them or tried to pretend they'd change. Deep down I knew that something was missing and I was never treated how I wanted.

A friend told me about the Rules, and at first I was skeptical. I read it, started trying to follow it on some dates, (and slipped up at first a few times!) But I started realising how great following the Rules was, my self esteem rocketed, men started treating me like a princess and I felt great! And one of the best things about the Rules is that it teaches you to LOVE YOURSELF and IMPROVE YOURSELF. So although parts are a bit old-fashioned, it really is all about giving the woman power in the relationship. Plus it is brilliant for breaking the "bad boy" cycle, or men that use you just for sex. Because if you follow the Rules, the only men you'll end up with are perfect gentlemen who love you to pieces.

The most influential book I've ever read.
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All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Sherrie Schneider (Mass Market Paperback - 1 Jan 2007)
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