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90 of 91 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book helps you understand yourself as a borderline.
I suffered from tremendous anger, and didn't know why until I read this book. This book helped me understand why I was always so angry and couldn't control it. I just thought I was a physco. I really was depressed and afraid and that scared me. I now know what I suffer from, and that I'm not alone. I always felt alone, like a crazy person. Now I have some hope, and...
Published on 17 Nov 1998

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80 of 83 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Information in this book is too old
I agree that this book is well written, but I, as someone with borderline personality disorder, believe that when this book was written, treatment for the disorder was not establised in an organized way. I think this book writes about the disorder as if there is no hope for those who have the disorder. I know that is isn't author's fault. When the book was written,...
Published on 20 Aug 1999


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90 of 91 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book helps you understand yourself as a borderline., 17 Nov 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
I suffered from tremendous anger, and didn't know why until I read this book. This book helped me understand why I was always so angry and couldn't control it. I just thought I was a physco. I really was depressed and afraid and that scared me. I now know what I suffer from, and that I'm not alone. I always felt alone, like a crazy person. Now I have some hope, and can face my self and others. This book described me to the T. I recommend this book to everyone suffering inside and notsure why. I was emotionally and physically abused by my father for years, now I as an adult I can startto recover. Please read this book, if you think you could possibly have BPD. Also read this book if youthink you have a loved one with BPD.Because they need your help. It helped me, and it can help you.
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80 of 83 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Information in this book is too old, 20 Aug 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
I agree that this book is well written, but I, as someone with borderline personality disorder, believe that when this book was written, treatment for the disorder was not establised in an organized way. I think this book writes about the disorder as if there is no hope for those who have the disorder. I know that is isn't author's fault. When the book was written, it was probably true that there was nothing to help individuals with the disorder. I admit that this book gives me a good understanding about the disorder, but I am concerned that someone thinks there is no hope if you are diagnosed with the disorder. In terms of treatment and therapy, what the book is telling us is no longer true today. The borderline personality disorder is treatable today.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars A GREAT INTRODUCTION TO BPD, 19 Feb 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
I was so confused, wondering what was wrong with me. I was told I wasn't good enough. I went to therapy trying to find out what was wrong with me. My therapist finally told me my wife was manic depressive but I was okay, only angry about being verbally and emotionally abused for years. I still didn't understand. Years later, I discovered an affair, then another and another. As I reviewed our past, I discovered I lived in denial and failed to recognize my wife's manipulations and how she hid her affairs. The discovery was shocking. I was totally confused. I couldn't make any sense out of it. What was going on? This book helped me understand. I became more aware. I was a co-dependent to a BPD. The book helped me cope through the SET principle, but had mixed results with her because Borderlines question empathic words. A great introductory book to become more aware. Learning more about BPD isn't as important as learning to deal with it on a daily basis with loved ones.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Informative on symptoms but another book needed to fill in gaps, 5 July 2008
By 
This review is from: I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
This book was the first time that I had seen anyone successfully explain the symptoms of this disorder. Finally I knew exactly what the professionals were actually on about! For the time this book was written, it was ground-breaking stuff.

However, this should not be the only book you read on the topic. It gives a bleak outlook on the prognosis of those suffering from BPD. In fact it took me a while to read this because I got despondant with it all.
Follow this book with the other book the authors wrote called "Sometimes I act crazy..." (2004) to provide the much needed information on treatment and hope for recovery that simply wasn't feasible in 1989.
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24 of 25 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A MUST-READ to understand the BPD in your life., 30 Oct 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
After I found the love of my life, I let her know how I felt. Then the rollercoaster ride started. I saw her actually trying to push me away, while at the same time acting like she didn't want me to go. I was left dazed and confused - until I read this book. BPD is a widespread problem that you won't hear about in the news, and therapists don't like to talk about. This book, however, will help you understand what is going on, and what you can do about it. The authors explain BPD with examples and terminology that anyone can understand. If you or someone you love suffers from BPD, you MUST read this book. You will learn you are not alone.
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21 of 22 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Worth reading..., 11 Aug 2007
By 
This review is from: I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
I'm diagnosed BPD & contrary to much of the opinion here i DID find this book , for the most part, helpful.

Yes, it is written as though aimed at family, friends, colleagues etc but that doesnt mean it isn't useful for Borderlines as well. In fact i can accept some of the harsher realities of my Personality better when read as though in the third person as it is equally as informative but much less condemning that having the author tell YOU how wonky YOU are.

The book contains many, many case studies & real life accounts of Borderlines which i always find interesting - especially when you read how these people have found ways to deal with their behaviours & thus improve their relationships.

Contrary to one opinion here i think the book does give hope for recovery - i'm not sure BPD can ever be called cured but i believe we can certainly learn the skills needed to recover & lead much more fulfilling lives. This book details the SET principle - though this is something to be used by those dealing with Borderlines, not really Borderlines themselves.

I agree the book is showing its age, it makes no mention of modern therapeutic practices such as DBT in the treatment of BPD and the pharmacotherapy section is pretty outdated now too.

However i would recommend this book solely on its section regarding coping and dealing with the Borderline, it explains why we behave how we do & how best to deal with us when we are being difficult. I imagine there is more thorough literiture on dealing with us out there but this is a good start.

To sum it up in a nutshell... outdated but still worth a read.
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37 of 41 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars distressing but helpful, 11 Jun 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
This book is obviously not aimed at the people who actually suffer from BPD, rather their families/partners/friends. I say this because it is blunt,frank,lacking in tact. And it is for these reasons that i would recommend it highly to anyone who suffers with this condition as i myself have. The author doesn't cushion the blows or sugar coat it in the least, which is the only real way to be able to take any of this information in if you are suffering with the condition.
I would highly reccommend this to sufferers and their partners alike, as though in parts it may be a little outdated, it is certainly eye-opening.
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19 of 21 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting & thought-provoking but showing its age, 31 Oct 2006
This review is from: I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
I bought this after reading one of the reviews here, as my ex-husband fulfils almost all of the criteria for diagnosis, and despite being divorced since 2001, still tries to control & create havoc in the lives of me & our children. This book is great up to a point, already identified, that it is based in the 1980's, and really feels like going back in time, and on a more practical note refers to the criteria set in DSM-III-R, which have obviously been updated quite significantly since. It still would serve as a good introduction to BPD, although "Stop Walking On Eggshells" feels more current and is a more fluent read.
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64 of 72 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I would give this book 6 stars if I could. Great book on BPD, 30 Nov 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
I found this book to be very useful in helping me understand the behavior of a woman with whom I was involved. It was recommended to me by my therapist who was treating me for depression because of the traumatic relationship I had with a borderline.
Kreisman and Straus do an excellent job of explaining the root causes, behaviors, and treatment of the disorder as well as coping skills for dealing with a person with BPD. Although the relationship was turbulent and ended disastrously, I found a great deal of comfort in the book because it explained how and why a borderline behaves the she does. I learned that I indeed had narcissistic tendencies which drew me toward women with clinging and idealizing behavior, but then devaluating and vengeful behavior. Basically I was involved in a hostile/dependent ( narcissistic / borderline ) relationship. It made me take a serious look at my self. I also have learned to be a lot more cautious about who I relate with in my life.
Borderlines are not evil, just very vengeful and scared people. If you are involved in any capacity with someone who exhibits primitive idealization, devaluation, omnipotence, projection, or projective identification and seems irrational, this person may have BPD. This book will help you learn principles to help cope with a borderline. I sure wish I had access to it when I was involved with one.
I think this is among the books which have had the most positive impact on my life. This book will help you identify and understand borderline behavior as well as cope with those who are afflicted with this misunderstood and painful disorder. I hope you will find it useful as I have.
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78 of 88 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book saved my sanity!, 1 Dec 2000
By 
N. L. Gill (North Wales, Great Britain) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality (Paperback)
On the day of my wedding, my wife suddenly 'flipped', and I discovered I was married to a women I didn't even know. She later told me that she could no longer live the lie, and had been acting the person she wanted to be, but couldn't. From that moment on, my life became a living hell. She accused me of terrible things,I wouldn't have even thought of. She made me feel that everything was my fault, and drained me emotionally and physically. I truly believed that if I could just show her the love that she had been lacking in her life, I could make everything all right. The more I gave, the more she took. She became violent, and abusive to me and our children. In the end, I had to leave her for my own sanity. Whilst in a bookstore, I saw this book, and thought when seeing the title, 'I've heard that before'.
Whilst reading this book, I was unable to put it down. It was amazing, as if someone had sat and watched my wife, and then written this book about her. I no longer felt the confusion, and personal guilt. This book helped me to realise that indeed, it was not my fault. And also that it was not my wife's fault. The relief of being able to put a name to her condition was immense. I was able to go back to her, armed with knowledge that enabled me to stay with her for another year. This book (and others)enabled me to make an informed decision about divorcing my wife. I knew that she would never change, and was unwilling to make any positive moves to improve her condition. This decision was hard, but I find some peace in the knowledge that I did everything I could, and that she is very ill, and not willing to help herself get better.
This book really did bring peace to me, whilst reading it, it was as if a light had suddenly been switched on. Everything became so clear, as to WHY she behaved that way, and WHY our life, and that of our children was so terrible
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