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The most helpful favourable review
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82 of 84 people found the following review helpful:
It won me over.
A classic (originally published in the 30's) and a must-have, this timeless piece of work can help just about anybody get along better with others and win them over to their way of thinking. Don't have a lot of time to spare? Don't worry. The book is divided into short sections, each one devoted to a particular principle that is well illustrated with many practical...
Published on 14 Jul 2007 by Barbara T.
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32 of 38 people found the following review helpful:
Don't buy this dinosaur
My Dad made me read this book as a shy and nerdy 10 year old, in the Sixties. It was a unsettling experience. The techniques it recommends are shallow and manipulative and the 'influence' it is concerned with is influencing people to buy stuff. Sure, some of the techniques can work, especially in the short term but that only served to give me a low opinion of the people...
Published 6 months ago by M. Hopkins
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82 of 84 people found the following review helpful:
It won me over., 14 Jul 2007
A classic (originally published in the 30's) and a must-have, this timeless piece of work can help just about anybody get along better with others and win them over to their way of thinking. Don't have a lot of time to spare? Don't worry. The book is divided into short sections, each one devoted to a particular principle that is well illustrated with many practical examples. In this way, you can read a chapter quickly, stop and do other things you have to do if necessary, and get back to the book when you have time- all without losing continuity.
Thoroughly entertaining by using fun and interesting examples, I don't think many readers will regret checking this one out and I like to think of this book as a kind of Human Relations 101 of sorts. Also recommend The Sixty-Second Motivator for further reading on motivational principles.
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154 of 174 people found the following review helpful:
Wise words, despite being long in the tooth, 5 May 2006
For a number of years I passed on reading Carnegie's work. The primary reason being that having dealt with a few people who did things the 'Carnegie way' I felt very uncomfortable with the kind of people they had become. One could easily argue they would have been those kinds of people with or without a Carnegie course and a paperback, and that's a reasonably sustainable argument. The problem really is though, that this book was clearly written by an American for an American audience (in 1936!); I know that is not the sales line but it is the truth. Henceforth, when the 'techniques' are applied to just about every culture outside of the United States then they have all the uncomfortableness of a brash woman wearing too much make-up, they ring too false and look too ridiculous. Maybe my comments will be seem by some as 'European elitism', but it's not that at all, it's simply a point of appropriation. A good number of what Carnegie talks about would simply laughed off in Europe as utterly banal and superficially repulsive - even if it were said or done with all sincerity. In my experience the over-use of names, the false enquiring of one's health, the formulaic compassion, the absurdity of remembering that your prospect ate chicken for dinner when you last met; and doesn't even remember that himself etc. is just too feigned and fictitious as to become repulsive. Likewise the whole notion that you can ask someone to do something if you simply spin them round, or that you should never berate people is poor psychology indeed. I agree that ONLY beration is unproductive but to motivate and challenge people of substance you need to raise the bar and use BOTH the twin tools of carrot AND the stick. Psychologically the practice of praising errors is utterly ridiculous, all it does is register in the brain that bad results equal rewards and therefore offers no need to adopt correct procedure. When finally the employer/owner feels the necessity to berate (i.e. when behaviour, attitude or errors were not corrected) then must harsher correction is needed to gain lesser effect. This is simple behavioural psychology at work. I recommend Col. Konrad Most's 'Training Dogs' for an excellent explanation of this idea. As a footnote, chapter 11 'Dramatise your ideas' is singularly laughable, I'm surprised that wasn't edited out of the latest edition.
That said, I feel that what Carnegie himself began to discover was, that in order to be a better person one must embody the 'techniques' offered in the book, so that they become you. You must fully internalise the ideas, living and breathing them so the radiate forth with utmost clarity and sincerity. I dare say that when Carnegie first set out he wasn't that way inclined. However as he practised his Way longer and harder and underwent his spiritual and personal growth then he became to realise that in order to REALLY 'Win Friends and Influence People' it is the heart and soul of the individual that is of importance. Any fool can (and does) go through the motions, but it is humanity and deepest sincerity that connects human beings together; and if they happen to be seller/buyer then that's just the way things are. What we are effectively presented with here here is one man's personal spiritual journey, the memoirs of one man's route up the Path of life and in that regard this book is a gem.
Ultimately this is an admirable piece of work that has stood well against the shifting sands of time and should simple be one of a NUMBER of books the enquiring mind should be reading; simply being one piece of the jigsaw. Once you have read and digested this then I thoroughly recommend the next level, Dr. Covey's '7 Habits of Highly Effective People', though that work (and many others) clearly benefited enormous from the early groundwork done by Carnegie, it is in a different league altogether; highly recommended.
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24 of 27 people found the following review helpful:
A classic masterpiece read by an EXCELLENT narrator, 28 Mar 2002
This is an exceptional book. It helped with my personal life as well as my business life. It should be a required reading for anyone who wants to improve his/her life.I would recommend the audio book edition since anyone must return from time to time to the readings of this excellent book, and it helped me in my driving hours to be reminded of the hundreds of values it teaches but are hard to make part of ourselves with one reading.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
Essential Reading, 20 Sep 2008
For years, I'd tended to avoid this book, partly because of its cheesy title. However, I eventually decided to give it a try and I'm glad I did. Carnegie's great skill is in identifying how we can grow ourselves by interacting in a correct, responsible, ethical and empathetic way with other human beings.
Strange thing is, when you read much of his advice, you realise you knew it anyway, but that you'd somehow forgotten to act in that way. Simply try to act like some of his suggestions for a few days and I guarantee you will feel small but perceptible positive differences, and with the rise of the web and email, we are probably more in need of this advice than ever before. Give this book a try and I believe you won't be disappointed.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
Fantastic, 29 Jun 2001
By A Customer
This is possibly one of the most life changing books I have ever read. I found myself driving around in my car for hours because I was so engrossed in listening to it. I haven't stopped smiling since.
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14 of 16 people found the following review helpful:
A must read for everyone over 15, 20 Jul 2007
I have read several books of this kind over recent years and discovered this book in a friends holiday home that I occupied in Spain this month.
Though written in the 1930s this is one of the best written, simply laid out and communicated guide to getting on with other people effectively and successfully ever written.
It may be old but the language and examples and the simplicity of the principles are as relevant and easy to understand now as they must have been in the 1930s.
As Carnagie says in the book, this is NOT a book of tricks and techniques - it is about changing your way of life. Anyone thinking they can cherry pick a few tricks and 'use' them on people will fail as miserably as they deserve.
I gave it to my 15 year old son after I read it and he found it revalatory. He asked me to buy him his own copy and plans to make major changes to his attitude to people. Fingers crossed ;)
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32 of 38 people found the following review helpful:
Don't buy this dinosaur, 13 May 2009
My Dad made me read this book as a shy and nerdy 10 year old, in the Sixties. It was a unsettling experience. The techniques it recommends are shallow and manipulative and the 'influence' it is concerned with is influencing people to buy stuff. Sure, some of the techniques can work, especially in the short term but that only served to give me a low opinion of the people who fall for them as well as those who use them. This book has nothing to say about developing positive relationships, working on mutual aims or enjoying the company of other people.
There are plenty of books out there offering genuine psychological insights to human behaviour and promoting mutually beneficial and respectful relationships. No book has all the answers but many can set you thinking along fruitful lines. In a career working with people with special needs and learning difficulties I have found many helpful. But not this one, its enough to put you off people altogether. It nearly did for me.
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42 of 51 people found the following review helpful:
Successful Relating!, 23 Nov 2008
Dale Carnegie wrote a timeless book. I am so amazed that this book was first published in 1936 and its words of wisdom still ring true in 2008. "How to Win Friends & Influence People" has such gems of insight as taking interest in other people. How do you do this? You take your attention off yourself, and truly listen to what others have to say from their point of view. As I've been practicing this suggestion I find that my communication with friends and co-workers flourishes. I had a great day at work today. As people would come to my cubicle and ask questions, I really listened. And magically they were no longer interruptions throughout my day, but fun moments of relationship. And I got more work done because I didn't waste time complaining, comparing or judging in my thoughts while they were speaking with me.
As Dale Carnegie was a pioneer and expert in human relations in his day, Ariel and Shya Kane are Masters in today's world. In their books, Working on Yourself Doesn't Work: The 3 Simple Ideas That Will Instantaneously Transform Your Life, How to Create a Magical Relationship: The 3 Simple Ideas that Will Instantaneously Transform Your Love Life: The 3 Simple Ideas That Will Instantaneously Transform Your Love Life and Being Here: Modern Day Tales of Enlightenment, I have found that my relationships have blossomed. The Kanes teach the art of listening. As I integrate the principles mentioned in their award winning books, I am more effective, productive and satisfied in all aspects of my life. Life is all about relating. I am grateful that there are authors such as Carnegie and the Kanes who share the secrets to experiencing magical relationships.
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71 of 87 people found the following review helpful:
Read but with caution, 18 Jun 2003
When I was 12 years old my best friend gave me a copy of this book and told me that I might find it interesting. He could not have been more right, for I delved deep into the book and I finished it in a matter of 2 weeks (to me it was a record to finish a book so quickly at that age!) I found the book to be very informative and entertaining at the same time. The author, Mr. Dale Carnegie, will not introduce a principle or a notion without supporting it with at least one real life story where the principle introduced was proven effective. After that point I noticed a great, almost immediate, effect on my behavior as I was growing up. I noticed that I have become a very good negotiator with my parents and teachers, more popular at school, and I even began to understand people much better than I used to prior to reading the book. I grew up believing that this book was one of the greatest factors involved in shaping my character.Recently though, I noticed some growing criticism of the book and its teaching, and I thought that this would be a good time for me to refresh what I learned from the book and assess its quality based on the experience I've gained since the first time I read the book. So I bought the unabridged audiotapes of the book and listened to it whenever I was in the car. Mr. Carnegie said somewhere in the book that if one thing you learn from the book, which is the ability to understand the different views of other people in different situations, then that would be enough. And I agree wholeheartedly. My judgment is that this book will indeed teach you how to understand the motives and the different forces playing in the different people you meet. Humans all across the globe share basic needs and characteristics that play a major role in forming their attitudes and decisions. Understanding those factors and satisfying them will be the most effective method of influence you'll ever need. Mr. Carnegie begins the book with the foundations of developing this skill of understanding others. He extends three principles that if applied will help you identify what other people want and how you can satisfy them. After that he introduces six ways to make people like you. These methods hover around the same three principles mentioned in the beginning of the book. After that the author discusses in two parts methods and principles that help you influence people to your way of thinking. All of this seems interesting but why are people criticizing this book, you wonder. The first issue with this book is the title. It says "How to win friends and influence people." I would have called it "How to make people like you and influence their behavior." The methods Dale introduces aren't for winning friends. You don't win friends by avoiding arguments and by projecting enthusiasm that is not honest. You'll only have them like you, but they are not won as friends, yet at least. Honesty is absent in Carnegie's teachings, and sometimes even unadvised! In one story he tells of a manager of a singer who would lie to the singer just to get him on stage! Another observation I had on the book was the relevance of some of the stories to the principle being introduced. Some of those principles would not have worked in the stories he mentioned have the circumstances been even little different! Yet Dale would acclaim the introduced principle as the reason that the story reached the happy ending it did. But, to the benefit of the author, this happened only a few times overall and it doesn't degrade the whole quality of the book. Nevertheless, the lack of emphasis on honesty is a serious issue. This has caused many reviewers to warn readers from reading this book. But here is where I disagree. You'll need to read this book to learn the methods, not just to be able to understand other people, but also to be ready when others are applying them to influence you. I'll have to agree that some of these methods are extremely powerful especially if the receiver isn't ready for them. Reading this book will make you resilient to the weapons of many unwanted salesmen and negotiators. My advice is to read but with caution. Learn the methods but always remember that honesty should always be present when these methods are being applied.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
Essential reading, 4 May 2009
This should be essential reading in schools. In fact, it's small wonder we don't formally teach human relations at all in our education system. This is one of the few essential self help books out there.
While reading this book I decided to perform some of the techniques in a competitive job interview and ended up getting the position! This after performing appallingly in most of my previous interviews. As a shy and awkward person I was sorely in need of this book, and if you, too, are unapproachable and seemingly unstimulating to others, you will benefit immensely from reading its content.
Carnegie's principal message is that empathy is the magical ingredient to success and fulfillment. He reiterates the sound advice "do to others as you would have them do to you."
This book will support you in becoming less selfless, and more understanding, to the extent that in any encounter you have with another, both of you will benefit.
How to Win Friends and Influence People is thoroughly deserved of its multitude of 4 and 5 star ratings.
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