97 of 98 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This could change your whole outlook on life
Have you ever met someone that immediately made you feel at ease? Have you ever met someone who seems so pleasant and makes you genuinely feel good about yourself? Or someone that makes you feel inspired? Or someone who gives you confidence?
We probably all have at one time or another; and they've probably read this book! The easy-going, anecdotal style enables the...
Published on 31 Jan 2001
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Pretty good
This is pretty good however the style of the writing feels very dated and I can imagine many people would not get full value from the text as it is now. It's a shame the book hasn't been updated into an improved format.
Published on 20 Aug 2011 by Trees
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97 of 98 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This could change your whole outlook on life,
By A Customer
We probably all have at one time or another; and they've probably read this book! The easy-going, anecdotal style enables the reader to quickly understand the principles behind all all aspects of human interaction, and put into operation the principles in the book.
I used to be fairly confrontational and self-centred. If you stick to the principles in the book, you will notice that people become more co-operative, friendly, and you genuinely appreciate you more. And it's really easy to follow these simple rules because they make so much sense.
I didn't read the book to make friends (I've got loads already, honest!), but you do find people genuinely being more friendly towards you and listening to your point of view.
I think everyone should read this book. The title has become a bit of a catch phrase and a cliche, but it hasn't sold 16 million copies for nothing.
Buy it. Read it. And you'll probably end up recommending it to someone else.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Genius - can't recommend it highly enough,
This review is from: How to Win Friends and Influence People (Paperback)As relevant today as the day it was written. Essential reading for any managers or professional consultants out there, and just about everyone else.
Written in a very concise, direct style, clearly restructured and reworded many times until distilled into its published form.
It gets to the point quickly. Chapter 2 was a revelation for me, and is essentially the crux of the entire philosophy of the book. It offers such a key insight into human nature, that I can honestly say has enhanced my understanding of social interaction immeasurably.
Midway through chapter 2 "The BIG secret to meeting people" I was hooked. Suddenly after so many years of struggling, the understanding that I lacked was made clear. Whilst I doubt I'll be able to articulate this as lucidly as Carnegie does, essentially, the secret is ...Everybody has a deep burning desire to feel important. This burning desire underpins (and frequently undermines) nearly all social interactions. Whilst Carnegie doesn't use the term himself, I roughly equate this with the Freudian term 'Ego'. Appeal to people's need for self importance and they will feel warmer around you and consequently towards you. Undermine this aspect, (particularly when in pursuit of your own sense of self importance) and expect sour repercussions. This is not to be confused with flattery or falseness however, but in fact requires taking a truly 'genuine' interest in other people.
The book essentially goes on to expand on many circumstances in which this core issue presents itself in life; and offers an often surprisingly approach to resolving these situations, which often demands quite the reverse approach, to that which is conventionally accepted as appropriate. These approaches are all backed up however by real life occurrences in which they have been used successfully, and with surprising results.
I'm someone who generally has trouble meeting new people, so I was slightly sceptical of the bold title of this book. But what can I say. It does what it says on the tin! The simple realisations in this book has allowed me to break out of my inwardness and start realising the impact I am having on others around me. Gradually I am learning to wield this knowledge and understanding more skilfully, which in turn is having an extremely positive impact on my career and effectiveness at work, as well as with friends and family members.
What I especially like however, is the approach it offers is a 'classy' way to deal with people. Whilst I dislike the term 'classy' for all its negative connotations, what I mean by this is, it requires treating people with respect, whilst also being assertive. It's about getting what you want, but by people offering this to you freely, rather taking or manipulating this by hard sell, or deceit. This knowledge is priceless, and frankly the world would be a much nicer place if even more people read this book.
All in all, worth it's weight in gold.
Warren Buffet is quoted on the cover of mine as saying "Carnegie changed my life", and to be honest, I can believe it.
179 of 192 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Positive Feedback Creates Positive Change!,
This review is from: How to Win Friends and Influence People (Mass Market Paperback)In business, those who are the most "emotionally" intelligent always rise to the top. Why is that?
As a management consultant, I am always asking our clients and potential clients what their major issues are. It almost always boils down to persuading someone else to change. In many situations, the person describes the situation as getting worse rather than better.
As I ask more questions, I soon learn that the person I am talking to is totally thinking about the issue from her or his perspective, not the perspective of the person they want to influence. Carnegie describes a situation where he and his son couldn't get a calf into the barn. They pushed and pulled, and nothing worked. A maid came out, stuck her finger into the calf's mouth to simulate feeding and the calf followed her right into the barn.
As you can tell from that example, Carnegie is a student of the stimulus-response school of human behavior. The book is divided into four sections: Handling People; Getting People to Like You; Getting People to Agree with You; and Being a Leader. Each section is comprised of a few principles, which are each exemplified in a short chapter with a number of examples. Handling people has to do with avoiding the negative and unpleasant, appreciating the other person, and making the other person eager to accomplish some goal of their own.
Each section follows the same format. Basically, it's the same way that you train any living being. You provide positive feedback to the person which makes them feel better, the person responds positively to you making you feel better, you then help the other person to link what you want to share with them with something they want.
Many people will be offended by this idea. I have long studied that reaction and find that it relates to one of two basic assumptions: (1) the decision to act should be based on the objective merits (if I deal with emotions, I am being manipulative) or (2) I want you to acknowledge that I am right, that you are wrong, and that I am superior to you because I am right. Both of those perspectives get in the way of establishing warm human relationships. If you would rather do things without emotion, your life will be very dull. If you would always like to be right, you will be very lonely (even if you really are right).
Let's look at a more fundamental question. Can these techniques be used for questionable purpoes? Probably, is my answer. However, at some point, the person's manipulative game will be found out. See Robert Cialdini's book, Influence, on what happens to smugglers of influence over time.
The best results will come from those who have integrity and are principled. They and everyone else can see that they are pursuing something with another person that is in the best interests of that person, and that there are no hidden agendas. Here is where I think Carnegie is a little weak. You get the impression from the book that hidden agendas are okay. My experience is that all agendas should be totally upfront. Don't pretend you are trying to help someone, when all you are trying to do is sell them something they don't need. Do encourage them to get the information they need to make a good decision for themselves about your idea, product, or service. Leave the whole circumstance with a stronger, more trustworthy relationship than you started with. That's how I interpret the Dale Carnegie principles.
If you really would like to get better results in your human relationships, this book is essential reading. To skip this book would be like skipping reading and arithmetic in grade school. It contains essential tools that everyone needs to understand. Since these things are seldom taught in schools, this is a good place to start.
Modern gurus of human relationships and effectiveness like Stephen Covey and Tony Robbins have a substantial debt to Dale Carnegie. If you read all of them, you will tend to reinforce your new habits. I like the Covey and Robbins approaches as a complement to Carnegie, because both authors focus on having principles at the center of what you do. That will help reduce the risk of turning Carnegie into techniques that lead to suboptimal results, instead of a mutually reinforcing virtuous cycle for everyone.
Researchers consistently show that success in many fields (such as business, politics, and teaching) is very closely related to one's social skills. Many people will work very hard to be more successful, but skimp on the relationship aspects. That's a mistake. Work on the relationships first.
I also recommend Daniel Goleman's "Working with Emotional Intelligence" to understand these concepts and the new book, "NLP Masterclass," to help you extend these lessons with specific skills.
Enjoy having easier interactions with others, having more friends, being more influential on important subjects, being more open to being influenced by others, and leading where it needs doing!
After you finish reading this book, think about where you are trying to pull a calf where you want the calf to go.
58 of 62 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Aged 23 and my life has been changed!,
This review is from: How to Win Friends and Influence People (Paperback)For as long as I remember I have struggled with people and have always seemed to turn people against me. I was told to read this book by somebody who I believe read this years ago and had the same problems I did. He is now a director of a company and very well respected man. I was reported by several people in the voluntary organisation I am involved in and was close to being severly repremanded. Since reading this book I have changed my attitude and in 2 weeks realised more things about the world in which we live in than I have since I was born. I have made friends I never thought I would have and made enemies turn into friends. I was scepticle of the hype when I read these reviews but was amazed just as they were. Get this book it will change your life and make your future brighter than ever!
126 of 136 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It won me over.,
This review is from: How to Win Friends and Influence People (Paperback)A classic (originally published in the 30's) and a must-have, this timeless piece of work can help just about anybody get along better with others and win them over to their way of thinking. Don't have a lot of time to spare? Don't worry. The book is divided into short sections, each one devoted to a particular principle that is well illustrated with many practical examples. In this way, you can read a chapter quickly, stop and do other things you have to do if necessary, and get back to the book when you have time- all without losing continuity.
Thoroughly entertaining by using fun and interesting examples, I don't think many readers will regret checking this one out and I like to think of this book as a kind of Human Relations 101 of sorts. Also recommend The Sixty-Second Motivator for further reading on motivational principles.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Friend for Life,
By A Customer
198 of 216 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Wise words, despite being long in the tooth,
This review is from: How to Win Friends and Influence People (Paperback)For a number of years I passed on reading Carnegie's work. The primary reason being that having dealt with a few people who did things the 'Carnegie way' I felt very uncomfortable with the kind of people they had become. One could easily argue they would have been those kinds of people with or without a Carnegie course and a paperback, and that's a reasonably sustainable argument. The problem really is though, that this book was clearly written by an American for an American audience (in 1936!); I know that is not the sales line but it is the truth. Henceforth, when the 'techniques' are applied to just about every culture outside of the United States then they have all the uncomfortableness of a brash woman wearing too much make-up, they ring too false and look too ridiculous. Maybe my comments will be seem by some as 'European elitism', but it's not that at all, it's simply a point of appropriation. A good number of what Carnegie talks about would simply laughed off in Europe as utterly banal and superficially repulsive - even if it were said or done with all sincerity. In my experience the over-use of names, the false enquiring of one's health, the formulaic compassion, the absurdity of remembering that your prospect ate chicken for dinner when you last met; and doesn't even remember that himself etc. is just too feigned and fictitious as to become repulsive. Likewise the whole notion that you can ask someone to do something if you simply spin them round, or that you should never berate people is poor psychology indeed. I agree that ONLY beration is unproductive but to motivate and challenge people of substance you need to raise the bar and use BOTH the twin tools of carrot AND the stick. Psychologically the practice of praising errors is utterly ridiculous, all it does is register in the brain that bad results equal rewards and therefore offers no need to adopt correct procedure. When finally the employer/owner feels the necessity to berate (i.e. when behaviour, attitude or errors were not corrected) then must harsher correction is needed to gain lesser effect. This is simple behavioural psychology at work. I recommend Col. Konrad Most's 'Training Dogs' for an excellent explanation of this idea. As a footnote, chapter 11 'Dramatise your ideas' is singularly laughable, I'm surprised that wasn't edited out of the latest edition.
That said, I feel that what Carnegie himself began to discover was, that in order to be a better person one must embody the 'techniques' offered in the book, so that they become you. You must fully internalise the ideas, living and breathing them so the radiate forth with utmost clarity and sincerity. I dare say that when Carnegie first set out he wasn't that way inclined. However as he practised his Way longer and harder and underwent his spiritual and personal growth then he became to realise that in order to REALLY 'Win Friends and Influence People' it is the heart and soul of the individual that is of importance. Any fool can (and does) go through the motions, but it is humanity and deepest sincerity that connects human beings together; and if they happen to be seller/buyer then that's just the way things are. What we are effectively presented with here here is one man's personal spiritual journey, the memoirs of one man's route up the Path of life and in that regard this book is a gem.
Ultimately this is an admirable piece of work that has stood well against the shifting sands of time and should simple be one of a NUMBER of books the enquiring mind should be reading; simply being one piece of the jigsaw. Once you have read and digested this then I thoroughly recommend the next level, Dr. Covey's '7 Habits of Highly Effective People', though that work (and many others) clearly benefited enormous from the early groundwork done by Carnegie, it is in a different league altogether; highly recommended.
38 of 41 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An essential skill that never gets taught,
What is really amazing is the extent to which Carnegie understood the psychology of relationships and behaviour, and was able to express this in simple concepts that are very easy to apply and still extremely effective.
Influencing skills have always been important, and they are increasingly valuable in a more cynical and less hierarchical society. This is a highly practical guide to getting on with others and motivating them to your mutual advantage.
If Carnegie practised what he preached, it's easy to understand why he was such a phenominally successful individual.
As books in the "how to succeed in life" genre go, this one is a timeless, highly effective classic. If you even remotely think this book could help you, then buy it - you have so much to gain and so little to lose.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Essential Reading,
This review is from: How to Win Friends and Influence People (Paperback)For years, I'd tended to avoid this book, partly because of its cheesy title. However, I eventually decided to give it a try and I'm glad I did. Carnegie's great skill is in identifying how we can grow ourselves by interacting in a correct, responsible, ethical and empathetic way with other human beings.
Strange thing is, when you read much of his advice, you realise you knew it anyway, but that you'd somehow forgotten to act in that way. Simply try to act like some of his suggestions for a few days and I guarantee you will feel small but perceptible positive differences, and with the rise of the web and email, we are probably more in need of this advice than ever before. Give this book a try and I believe you won't be disappointed.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Let Carnegie Influence You,
Learning to relate to people in the ways Carnegie instructs will help you personally as well as professionally. In "winning friends," Carnegie means more than being liked, or being slick, but through genuine relational and/or professional courtesy, you will create connection. You will learn that inspiring someone is important, and how it can be done. You will also learn the value and process of creating win-win dynamics by understanding the other person's position and needs.
This book is a classic because Carnegie says timeless truths in timeles ways.
I fully recommend "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Whether you are lemonade salesman or UN diplomat, what Carnegie teaches in this little book can help you do it better.
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How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie (Paperback - 6 April 2006)