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on 7 September 2003
Reading some of the reviews of this title I thought I'd better add some of my own thoughts.
Yes, false accusations happen, yes families are ruined by them, but through this book you will be able to astablish a definite view of your relationship. I never doubted my partner, everything seemed to click into place when she accepted her abuse. Her abuse seemed to explain so many of the issues we faced as a couple and that had hitherto confused me.
But for me, who could never be as close to the situation as my partner was, her early recovery was a nightmare. I was unsure what I could do to help, unsure what she needed and didn't need and when my own emotions reached fever pitch I bought this book to try to make sense of them. I was starting to be eaten by my Partner's grief and was feeling overwhelmed.
And help it did. It helped me to understand why some things are like they are and why they aren't going to change overnight. It helped me by explaining my partner in a way she physically couldn't. And it helped me to assess my own attitudes and needs and to ensure that I remained as fulfilled as I could whilst still supporting and loving my partner.
One reviewer says that the book doesn't provide long term answers. True it doesn't, but that's because one size doesn't fit all - the path every couple need to take is different and the outcome of that journey will be unique. I don't want a book to make false promises. Dealing with the effects of abuse is hard both for the survivor and their partner. This book eases that journey.
Incidentally, if you're in a similar position to me expect lots of tears as you read this book, but you'll feel so much better for them. The relief combined with a renewed understanding of the issues your partner faces and how you interect with them makes this book well worth the money.
Don't worry about finding time to read it, the book is set in a nice Q&A style which means you can dip in to relevent areas quickly and spend time later reading the less relevent material.
All in all, if you're in the situation of needing support in this situation you really can't start with a better book.
Finally, the survivor in your life should try "The Courage to Heal" co-written by the same author with Ellen Bass
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on 4 August 2004
If you find yourself in the position of being the partner/close friend of a survivor you are placed in a dilemma - who do you speak to? Where do I find information on the subject? There very little support out there for the partner. This book is therefore the partner's bible - it deals with many of the questions that you will be asking yourself - some of which are deeply painful. If you need reassurance/guidance then pick-up a copy of this book and you will gain a deep insight into the subject - this book would also be an excellent reference for councilors. I simply cant recommend this book highly enough.
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on 22 April 2001
The book is divided in two parts: partner's questions and partner's stories. Both are written in a shockingly realistic down to earth style. This is a must read book for all partners of sexual abuse survivors. It does help you sort out your confusions, worries, and anxieties. But still, you have to do the work yourself. Yet, it asks the right questions getting you on the way to find your own answers.
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on 25 June 1997
If The Courage To Heal is the sine qua non for survivors of child sexual abuse, Allies in Healing is required reading for partners and loved ones of survivors and victims.

Written in straightforward question and answer format by one of the authors of the best-selling Courage To Heal, Allies in Healing covers topics ranging from dealing with emotions (your own included) to confronting the perpetrator to sexuality.

Allies In Healing also includes the personal stories of a few partners of survivors. Written frankly, the book admits that not all relationships with survivors are destined for success, but also speaks of the incredible benefits of such a relationship.

For anyone who is a loved one or partner of a survivor should turn to this book first- it is the companion to Courage To Heal and will provide many answers to some of the most pressing questions.
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VINE VOICEon 3 November 2005
This book has been a real life-saver to me as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. Apart from the case studies at the end, I'd say one third of this book is information on sexual abuse and how survivors are affected, and the remaining two thirds are advice on how to cope as a partner. The book emphasises that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communicate and meet those needs, set boundaries, and take care of yourself during times of crisis - as well as help your partner to the best of your ability. Highly recommended.
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on 9 February 1999
This is a very helpful book. It is relatively easy to read and helps you identify your own issues and how they relate to your partner's issues. It helped me know that I was not alone in my feelings and experiences regarding my husband's abuse as a child. I strongly recommend this book!
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on 19 December 2014
Clearly and compassionately written. Some very helpful points, the key one being the acknowledgement that , as a partner, the situation can be confusing and difficult for you too, and that it is OK to recognise that you have your own needs in the relationship .The four stars rather than five are because I would have liked a more in depth discussion of some situations, and some of the issues I have come across were not addressed.
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VINE VOICEon 3 November 2005
This book has been a real life-saver to me as the partner of a sexual abuse survivor. It's full of practical advice and written in a question-and-answer format, making it easy to dip into and find what you need. Apart from the case studies at the end, I'd say one third of this book is information on sexual abuse and how survivors are affected, and the remaining two thirds are advice on how to cope as a partner. The book emphasises that partners have needs too and gives advice on how to communicate and meet those needs, set boundaries, and take care of yourself during times of crisis - as well as help your partner to the best of your ability. Highly recommended.
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on 11 March 1999
There is no other book like this available. Being the partner of a survivor of childhood sexual abuse is an undocumented experience. It is difficult to find support groups or literature of any kind to support us through this process. Laura Davis is a god-send!
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on 22 July 2014
Excellent resource for partners of those who are survivors of child sexual abuse. I routinely recommend this to clients, although sometimes caution them to dip in and out rather than plan to read cover to cover - a question of calibrating for each individual what's appropriate for their particular circumstances. Being a partner can be overwhelming enough, without dipping deeper into the world of their partner without appropriate therapeutic support.

Clare Myatt, Somatic Coach and Psychotherapist
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