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Wayne Redhart "@wayneredhart on Twitter!" (West Midlands, UK)
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Philips SC2006/11 Lumea Precision Plus IPL Hair Removal System for Face and Body
Philips SC2006/11 Lumea Precision Plus IPL Hair Removal System for Face and Body
Price: £350.00

1 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An extremely effective method, 26 Aug 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
As a modern man, I naturally leapt at the chance to try this hair removal device. After all, it's the 21st century now. Long gone are the days when bodily grooming was the exclusive preserve of females and homosexuals! Anyway, this is an excellent device that has been doing a fine job of clearing up patchy hairs. Although I'm not opposed to body hair in general, I do feel that's it my duty (as a card-carrying metrosexual) to ensure that my follicles are organised in an orderly fashion. After all, when you're paying top dollar for white incontinence y fronts, you want to be sure that you can wear them at least as well as David Beckham models his Calvin Coolidge's. Although I have no intention of going hairless in the arm pits or chest (areas in which, 21st century or not, hairlessness as yet continues to remain the exclusive preserve of females and homosexuals), I've been at work on my shoulders and upper arms, back, ears and nose. The results are suprisingly painless and the smell of burning hair is something that I have found curiously arousing. The accompanying hairdryer-like sound is also extremely soothing and relaxing. For those such as Wayne Rooney (who claims to be unable to sleep without the sound of a running hoover or hairdryer) I suspect that it could double up as an altogether more energy efficient means of inducing restful slumber.

According to the description, you can get 140,000 flashes before the equipment ceases to operate- which is almost as many as my Grandad was said to have got away with down the local woods, before he was finally arrested and incarcerated (although his own equipment had actually ceased to operate some years previously). At the current price this works out at around two pence per flash- which equates to a similar cost to that of Refresher/Drumstick chews during the early 80s. Some of the cheaper models offer a paltry 80,00 or 100,000 (before the internal mechanism is presumably programmed to self destruct). If you want to calculate how many flashes you'll actually be in need of, the trick to is to divide the surface area that you intend to treat by the surface area that is covered by one flash. Simply multiply that figure by the number of treatments to be carried out (5 is recommended) and, hey presto, you'll have the total number of flashes required. Personally, I've been too busy to carry out precise calculations but, at an estimate, I've probably got some 13,579 flashes or so left in the bank. After three treatments I still have a few more hairs to finish off, but they're definitely coming back with less thickness. Assuming that the gun's lifepsan is good for two further treatments, hopefully the hairs should be gone for eternity. I have no idea whether there's any notable difference between this and the equipment found in expensive salons but the standard seems professional enough to me. If I've got any flashes left after finishing myself off, I intend to advertise my services in the local paper, as a specialist in women's bikini lines. I may even see if I can branch out into performing laser tattoo removal and laser eye surgery. After all, a laser's a laser, right?

PS. Sad as it is in post-apartheid Britain, I'm afraid to say that this product is unsuitable for use on Afro-Carribeans (which is the politically correct way of saying "coloured people"). However, please be aware that it's not because the scientists who designed this are racists. Rather, it's because the laws of physics are profoundly racist- which, by extension, means that God himself is racist. If you're black then please don't feel too singled out, however, as the Lord clearly has something against those with ginger hair too (rather a cruel irony, given that we're talking about the colour of hair that most urgently warrants expungement). Regardless, in a world where people are increasingly open-minded towards interracial marriage, my advice to any black people would be to breed with honkies- so your children can grow up with the kind of mixed complexion that will allow them unrestricted access to the pleasures of hair removal. In fact, one of the Fuhrer's biggest gaffes regarding his dream of creating a genetically pure (or inbred) Aryan Race, was the notion of blonde hair as an ideal. Blonde hair too is off-limits, so there's equally good cause for caucasians to cross-pollinate with their afro-carribean neighbours. In his speech "I have a dream" (an allusion to the title of an Abba hit, which had been popular at the time) Martin Luther King gave his vision of a world in which people are no longer judged by the colour of their skin. Who knows? Ironic as it sounds, maybe the racist properties of light will prove to be the catalyst that puts an end to divisions? If people were single-minded enough in their determination to deliver children into our world with the genetic potential to grow up completely hairless, racial divides would soon become a thing of past.
Comment Comments (3) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 29, 2014 11:29 PM BST


EC TECHNOLOGY® 18000mAh Portable Unthinkable High Capacity 2 USB Output Ports(5V/2.1A&1A)External Battery Charger For iPhone 5S, 5C, 5, 4S, iPad Air, mini, Galaxy S5, S4, S3, Note 3, Nexus 4, HTC One, One 2 (M8), Motorola Droid, Moto X, PS Vita, Gopro, Most Smartphones, Tablets-Black
EC TECHNOLOGY® 18000mAh Portable Unthinkable High Capacity 2 USB Output Ports(5V/2.1A&1A)External Battery Charger For iPhone 5S, 5C, 5, 4S, iPad Air, mini, Galaxy S5, S4, S3, Note 3, Nexus 4, HTC One, One 2 (M8), Motorola Droid, Moto X, PS Vita, Gopro, Most Smartphones, Tablets-Black
Offered by EC Technology UK Store
Price: £69.99

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent battery pack, 19 Aug 2014
Before going any further, I should declare that I'm a member of EC technology's task force of uber-reviewers and received my battery for free, in return for a review. Although I've already had a number of portable chargers for free, this is certainly the largest so far. 18000mah gives enough space to store an awful lot of power. To give some idea, that's ample room to house both the power of love and the power of positive thinking- while still leaving adequate surplus to squeeze in the entire power of Grayskull. As the manufacturers so rightly say in the product description, "it arms you walking farther and further". Unfortunately, mine contains 4 white LEDs, rather than the "charming" blue ones that are advertised- but that's a small compromise, given that they are "humanized" as promised. However, it's quite a stretch when they suggest that it could fit inside a pocket. The dimensions are about 6.5 by 5 inches. To give an idea of scale, that about the size of a dildo that's modelled on an above average, yet not unfeasibly large male appendage, by the size of a genuine yet extremely underwhelming male appendage. Although my wife has absolutely no problem accommodating goods of such proportions within her "hairy pocket", this is really one to transport within a rucksack- rather than about your person.


Panasonic Silver 5 Blade Wet/ Dry Foil Shaver
Panasonic Silver 5 Blade Wet/ Dry Foil Shaver

5.0 out of 5 stars A fine shaver, 19 Aug 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
Compared to the high end electric shavers of a few years back, that I have also assessed, this is a big improvement. As usual, they make a big fuss about how you can use it wet or with shaving foam, but I wouldn't bother with that kind of nonsense. When doing an electric shave, I wouldn't be caught applying shaving cream to my face, with a barge pole. Far more comfortable to keep yourself dry and then use moisturiser afterwards. Anyway, the shave is close and quick (as evidenced by the inbuilt timer, that you can use to monitor PBs), but there's still the same old issue with stray hairs- as is always the case with electrics. If you shave daily then you'll be fine, but if you've left it a few days then it can take a whole lot longer to mop up the last few longer strands.

All in all, it's a very good shaver, but I was concerned to read about the use of nanotechnology on the blades. The obvious danger would be if you were to shave over a cut on your face- potentially allowing nanobots to leap from the blades and enter your bloodstream. At this point, the only way to stop them from taking over your body would be to take a crew of soldiers, put them inside a submarine and then fire a special miniaturisation ray. They could then be administered intravenously, by pulling the trigger on one of those futuristic injection guns. Hopefully everything would turn out fine in the end, but I would feel a lot safer if they took all of the world's nanobots and genetically modified crops and put them on a disposable spaceship, bound directly for the sun. And they could put that Cliff Richard fellow on there too, while they're at it.


Pabobo Automatic Nightlight (Purple)
Pabobo Automatic Nightlight (Purple)
Price: £10.80

4.0 out of 5 stars A decent nightlight, 19 Aug 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
This an excellent nightlight from Pabobo. Don't confuse that with the "bonobo" which is a type of monkey that is widely regarded as the most sexually promiscuous creature in the whole of the animal Kingdom (with the possible exception of my wife, Doreen). I was a little disappointed by the extremely low level of brightness, as I'd rather been hoping to use it a source of "mood lighting" in my own bedroom- along the lines of what you'd expect within the kind of Amsterdam establishment that carries a really rather splendid mood indeed. However, if you simply want to prevent a youngster from soiling their bedding at night due to an irrational fear of pitch black, then it should at least be bright enough to save you from the bother of running a new load of laundry. As an economical bonus, the device automatically shuts itself down come dawn- offering a grand saving of up to 30 pence worth of electricity per calendar year.


Edwin Jagger DE89 Chrome Plated Double Edge Safety Razor
Edwin Jagger DE89 Chrome Plated Double Edge Safety Razor
Price: £23.00

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Nostalgia from off of the past, 15 Aug 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
When Amazon offered me the chance to test out a double edged razor, I quite literally employed such an explosive contraction within my hamstrings as to propel my feet off the ground, at the chance. However, I must say that I was a little surprised at the fact that not a single blade is included within the kit. It's not unlike the time young Crispin received a Pez dispenser for Christmas- only to burst into tears when he discovered that there wasn't a sweet in sight to load it with. Actually, on that occasion the manufacturers had included plenty (only for Doreen to shove every last one into her fat gob, before wrapping the thing). However, the last time my wife attempted the trick that we'd seen an American perform on the Paul Daniels magic show (where he swallowed a collection of razor blades and string and then coughed them back up, tied onto the thread) she had a pretty rough night in A and E, so I'm quite certain that she hadn't scoffed any additional contents down, on this occasion.

So, I ordered some Wilkinson blades and set to work. Having a blade on each side is quite handy, as it allows extra strokes between rinsing. However, it is arguably a bit of a double ended dildo (or let's say a "double edged sword", for any traditionalists out there), if you're as obsessive compulsive as myself. I found it necessary to count the number of strokes performed by each side, in order to ensure that neither blade became notably more blunt. Anyway, in a world where there's nowhere near as much nostalgia as there used to be, I found it highly satisfying to soap myself up with sandalwood cream and get going with an old-school razor. However, compared to the ease of the modern electric shaver that I was also sent, there is a bit of a downside. Try as I might, nothing seems to make it possible to avoid bleeding profusely from the lower right side of my neck, whatever technique I might attempt. Although I'm normally as calm as a cucumber, whilst shaving I've been finding it increasingly difficult to man up and keep my excrement together. In fact, I've been getting such a nasty case of what golfers call "the yidds" that I've started making careless incisions elsewhere too, all over my face. All in all, it's a nice throwback to the olden days (and an excellent way to get yourself in good nick for a Halloween party), but unless you have rose-tinted memories of the era in which medical blood-letting was all the rage, there are some advantages to contemporary methods.


(2 Million Pixels Cmos,8.5MM diameter,5M USB Ipx67 Waterproof Camera) DB POWER® 5m USB Waterproof Hd 6-led Borescope Endoscope Inspection Tube Visual Camera (5M (8.5mm))
(2 Million Pixels Cmos,8.5MM diameter,5M USB Ipx67 Waterproof Camera) DB POWER® 5m USB Waterproof Hd 6-led Borescope Endoscope Inspection Tube Visual Camera (5M (8.5mm))

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent anal camera, 8 Aug 2014
Length:: 1:23 Mins

When I was offered the chance to receive a complimentary endoscope to review, it didn't take too long before I decided that this would be right up my street. Unfortunately, the manufacturers don't provide any lubrication as part of the package, although luckily I did still have enough of the salmon oil that Amazon Vine had recently sent for me to review. The camera was effective and easy to use, although I can't help but feel that 5m of cable might perhaps be a little on the excessive side for the average cavity. Anyway, as you can see from the psychedelic pinkness of the results, I'm in positively rude anal health.
Comment Comments (3) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 25, 2014 6:42 PM BST


AmazonBasics A100 USB-Powered Computer Speakers - Black
AmazonBasics A100 USB-Powered Computer Speakers - Black
Price: £11.99

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Functionality, 2 Aug 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
Upon plugging these into my computer, these speakers successfully created frequency-specific oscillations that sent vibrational waves airborne. These were duly received by my my cochlea (following transmission down the auditory canal) which sent signals to my brain for processing into a perception of sound- confirming that they had indeed performed their basic sonic task with nothing less than a functional degree of aplomb. However, Amazon's reference to "rich" 3W sound strikes me as being no less of an oxymoron than reference to a "luxurious" microwaved dinner of frozen tripe and onions, that was purchased from the clearance aisle of Farm Foods.


EC TECHNOLOGY® 12V/ 5A 60W Waterproof LED Flexible Light Strip,With 300 SMD 5050 RGB LEDs, 5 Meter
EC TECHNOLOGY® 12V/ 5A 60W Waterproof LED Flexible Light Strip,With 300 SMD 5050 RGB LEDs, 5 Meter
Offered by EC Technology UK Store
Price: £59.99

5.0 out of 5 stars Doubly illuminating, 30 July 2014
Length:: 0:53 Mins

Although my video shows the 30W set in the Redhart family lounge, you can get a fair idea of this 60W version from the video. It simply has twice as many individual lights within the same length strip as that pictured. Doubling up on the number of LEDs does make a bit of a difference, although the law of diminishing returns arguably starts to creep in. While even better than the 30W version, it's not quite twice as good to switch to 60W. Certainly not quite as much better as being in the middle of making love to a busty blonde and then seeing her twin sister pop through the door, ready to double up on you. But let's face it- nothing else in life is quite that good in general, so it's five stars all the same.


EC TECHNOLOGY® 12V/ 3A 30W Waterproof LED Flexible Light Strip, With 150 SMD 5050 RGB LEDs, 5 Meter
EC TECHNOLOGY® 12V/ 3A 30W Waterproof LED Flexible Light Strip, With 150 SMD 5050 RGB LEDs, 5 Meter
Offered by EC Technology UK Store
Price: £35.00

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent illumination, 30 July 2014
Length:: 0:53 Mins

As you can see from the illustration of how I arranged these lights in the Redhart family lounge, they're pretty darned cool. In fact, they look remarkably similar to the illuminations that are attached to the stairs down into my local swingers' club.


MegaRed Extra Strength Krill Oil - Pack of 40 Tablets
MegaRed Extra Strength Krill Oil - Pack of 40 Tablets
Price: £14.64

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A healthy product, 17 July 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
At first impressions, it might seem a bit odd that to think that ingesting some oil every day could help you live longer. However studies conducted on Eskimos (who eat very high fat diets based on fish and whale blubber) have shown that their cholesterol levels are remarkably low and that heart disease is rare. Unfortunately, dining upon whales is largely frowned upon in these parts. Should you so much as speculate about whether whale kebabs would be more appetising when seasoned gently with coriander or when smeared coarsely in Tabasco, then you can guarantee that some hippy with hairy armpits and a chronic iron deficiency will appear from nowhere and get everyone to sign a blimmin petition against you. It's a shame really, as I'd sooner get the accumulation of krill goodness a stage further down the food chain. You certainly wouldn't catch me eating expensive grass capsules every day. Far better to let some cow with four specially trained stomachs do the hard work and then reap the nutritional grassy goodness via twelve ounces of fully developed sirloin. Alas, in this case there's no choice other than to take krill oil directly, or to fly out to Canadia and build a new life from within the confines of a whaling igloo. Incidentally, the word Eskimo is deemed extremely racist in America and they have to say "innuit" instead. That might seem a bit hard on the yanks, given that we still have impunity to use the term. However, it's not all doom and gloom across the Atlantic, as every American has the constitutional right to use the word "spaz" without fellow countrymen either getting offended or writing to Terry Wogan on Points of View USA. Not unlike England's 2010 first round world cup encounter with the USA, on balance it's a 1-1 draw.

Anyway, I have no idea how much good these have done for my health compared to cheaper maritime oils, but I'm sure they've not done any harm. They have a fairly pleasant scent of vanilla that is extremely reminiscent of Cadbury's Mini Eggs. Knowing that my wife Doreen is a huge fan of them, I decided to play a little trick on her. Normally when I tell her to close her eyes and open her mouth, she knows that she can expect to receive a good old slice of "meat feast". However, on this occasion the smell tricked her into thinking that she was chomping into a seasonal ecclesiastical chocolate ovum- with hilarious consequences! Regardless, it's the vanilla smell that forces me to deduct a star. Only recently I learned that a widely used source of vanilla flavouring, known as "castoreum", is extracted from a gland in a beaver's anus. By law, there is no obligation to declare this- with products typically placing it under the generic category of non-specified "natural flavouring". In my opinion, it's not remotely natural to feast on vanilla flavouring that's been anywhere near some dirty animal's anus. Admittedly, there was the time when Doreen and I had some fun and games with a yoghurt, but there was no question that I that I had been anything less than open- when it comes to the orifice that the vanilla product had been tainted by. If I were the manufacturers of this product, I'd either be frank about disclosure or (in the event that the product is castoreum free) I'd place a big sticker on the bottle stating "This product is certified to be 100 percent free of anal additives". Either way, until the matter is cleared up for certain I can't give it the full five stars.


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