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Wayne Redhart "@wayneredhart on Twitter!" (West Midlands, UK)
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Plumen E27 Metal Set Plus Drop Cap, Copper
Plumen E27 Metal Set Plus Drop Cap, Copper
Offered by My Green Lighting
Price: £57.43

5.0 out of 5 stars A rather fetching lamp, 25 Sep 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
This is a rather fetching lamp in the art deco style (which basically means that it's in the style from off of "Poirot", on the telly). Although billed as a "pendant", in my opinion it would be a little over the top for even a gangster rapper to wear about his neck. Fortunately it looks altogether more tasteful when hung from the ceiling. I was planning on checking the strength of the cord by placing a dagger between my teeth, before swinging across our dinner table, but unfortunately my wife Doreen wouldn't let me. Anyway, it's a perfectly fetching lamp, that does its job rather nicely. Is it a wave, is it a particle or is it both? Whichever way, the important thing is that this emits what our eyes perceive as "light", whilst also looking all fancy and that.

PS. I was initially disappointed not to have received a "bayonet cap" in my set. However, as I learned, aside from being a term for the rubber sheaths that British soldiers use to protect their "bayonets" whilst stabbing Germans in the trenches, it's also the name for altogether different type of "screw fitting"- that pertains to bulbs.


Nixies Vacay Cove Playset
Nixies Vacay Cove Playset
Price: £20.52

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent battery-powered swimming fabled creature, 7 Sep 2014
This review is from: Nixies Vacay Cove Playset (Toy)
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
Although a "four inch battery powered mermaid" might sound somewhat like a luxurious high-end product within the sex and sensuality section, this is actually a toy for young children. Half human and half fish, the mermaid has long been a part of folklore. By executing the blend via a human top half and a piscine lower half, the concept creates an enigmatic figure of enticing feminine allure, which is nevertheless quite chastely abstracted from the notion of sexuality. Reverse the process (so as to place a giant fish-like head upon the legs and genitalia of a female human) and somehow the concept is no longer embued with quite the same idyllic romanticism. Personally, I think such a figure would be far more appropriate, given the altogether more dionysian nature of reality. For the average guy on the street, we already spend more than enough time lusting after creatures with pretty faces that sit on top of a lower half that (to us, at least) is altogether sexually inaccesible. Who needs further romanticised ideals, based on a similarly frustrating concept- that (oral possibilities aside) doesn't even offer illusions of hope? The kinds of gals that I've had real world experiences with have all had a good deal more in common with a gigantic slobbering fish head- with the solitary saving grace of coming attached to a readily accessible set of human female sex organs. I know for sure which type of beast my wife Doreen most closely resembles!

Anyway, all in all this a pretty good toy, but personally I found the tiny size of the bowl to be completely unacceptable. The kids have had a lot of fun watching a free-range mermaid- left to swim around the bath at her own personal liberty. However, I will not have them growing up thinking that it's anything less than morally reprehensible to battery farm human/fish hybrids within such an inappropriately confined habitat.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Sep 26, 2014 9:14 PM BST


How We Learn: The Surprising Truth about When, Where and Why it Happens
How We Learn: The Surprising Truth about When, Where and Why it Happens
by Benedict Carey
Edition: Hardcover
Price: £13.60

0 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting stuff, 5 Sep 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
This is an extremely interesting and thought provoking read. I found myself so engrossed that I sat down and read the whole thing in one sitting- which unfortunately means that I didn't learn anything from it all. As I learned within, this is an extremely poor way to learn, that leaves no opportunity to digest anything. I've started a second read through, but I'll take their advice a little more. Anyway, my memory is definitely improving. Only last week I successfully remembered our wedding anniversary- less than a week after I'd missed it. Usually I don't remember having forgotten until a clear month has gone by! Also, I'd been playing a memory test game on Facebook before starting and have since had another go, to compare the results. Well, sure enough I beat my previous high score, so it's looking good. I forget how many points I surpassed my old score by, but there was definitely improvement.

I'm hoping that I'll also become rather better at learning jokes, as my memory for them is usually terrible. I heard a good one last night that's still clear in my head ("What happened when Popeye went to mount olive? Jesus hit him!") so perhaps I'll be able to increase my repertoire from here on. However there's one that's really bugging me. I once heard a really funny one but I can't for the life of me remember the setup. Anyway, the punchline was definitely "a lesbian on a space hopper", but I'll let you know if the rest of it comes back to me.


Philips SC2006/11 Lumea Precision Plus IPL Hair Removal System for Face and Body
Philips SC2006/11 Lumea Precision Plus IPL Hair Removal System for Face and Body
Price: £337.50

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An extremely effective method, 26 Aug 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
As a modern man, I naturally leapt at the chance to try this hair removal device. After all, it's the 21st century now. Long gone are the days when bodily grooming was the exclusive preserve of females and homosexuals! Anyway, this is an excellent device that has been doing a fine job of clearing up patchy hairs. Although I'm not opposed to body hair in general, I do feel that's it my duty (as a card-carrying metrosexual) to ensure that my follicles are organised in an orderly fashion. After all, when you're paying top dollar for white incontinence y fronts, you want to be sure that you can wear them at least as well as David Beckham models his Calvin Coolidge's. Although I have no intention of going hairless in the arm pits or chest (areas in which, 21st century or not, hairlessness as yet continues to remain the exclusive preserve of females and homosexuals), I've been at work on my shoulders and upper arms, back, ears and nose. The results are suprisingly painless and the smell of burning hair is something that I have found curiously arousing. The accompanying hairdryer-like sound is also extremely soothing and relaxing. For those such as Wayne Rooney (who claims to be unable to sleep without the sound of a running hoover or hairdryer) I suspect that it could double up as an altogether more energy efficient means of inducing restful slumber.

According to the description, you can get 140,000 flashes before the equipment ceases to operate- which is almost as many as my Grandad was said to have got away with down the local woods, before he was finally arrested and incarcerated (although his own equipment had actually ceased to operate some years previously). At the current price this works out at around two pence per flash- which equates to a similar cost to that of Refresher/Drumstick chews during the early 80s. Some of the cheaper models offer a paltry 80,00 or 100,000 (before the internal mechanism is presumably programmed to self destruct). If you want to calculate how many flashes you'll actually be in need of, the trick to is to divide the surface area that you intend to treat by the surface area that is covered by one flash. Simply multiply that figure by the number of treatments to be carried out (5 is recommended) and, hey presto, you'll have the total number of flashes required. Personally, I've been too busy to carry out precise calculations but, at an estimate, I've probably got some 130,579 flashes or so left in the bank. After three treatments I still have a few more hairs to finish off, but they're definitely coming back with less thickness. Assuming that the gun's lifepsan is good for two further treatments, hopefully the hairs should be gone for eternity. I have no idea whether there's any notable difference between this and the equipment found in expensive salons but the standard seems professional enough to me. If I've got any flashes left after finishing myself off, I intend to advertise my services in the local paper, as a specialist in women's bikini lines. I may even see if I can branch out into performing laser tattoo removal and laser eye surgery. After all, a laser's a laser, right?

PS. Sad as it is in post-apartheid Britain, I'm afraid to say that this product is unsuitable for use on Afro-Carribeans (which is the politically correct way of saying "coloured people"). However, please be aware that it's not because the scientists who designed this are racists. Rather, it's because the laws of physics are profoundly racist- which, by extension, means that God himself is racist. If you're black then please don't feel too singled out, however, as the Lord clearly has something against those with ginger hair too (rather a cruel irony, given that we're talking about the colour of hair that most urgently warrants expungement). Regardless, in a world where people are increasingly open-minded towards interracial marriage, my advice to any black people would be to breed with honkies- so your children can grow up with the kind of mixed complexion that will allow them unrestricted access to the pleasures of hair removal. In fact, one of the Fuhrer's biggest gaffes regarding his dream of creating a genetically pure (or inbred) Aryan Race, was the notion of blonde hair as an ideal. Blonde hair too is off-limits, so there's equally good cause for caucasians to cross-pollinate with their afro-carribean neighbours. In his speech "I have a dream" (an allusion to the title of an Abba hit, which had been popular at the time) Martin Luther King gave his vision of a world in which people are no longer judged by the colour of their skin. Who knows? Ironic as it sounds, maybe the racist properties of light will prove to be the catalyst that puts an end to divisions? If people were single-minded enough in their determination to deliver children into our world with the genetic potential to grow up completely hairless, racial divides would soon become a thing of past.


EC Technology® 18000mAh Ultra Slim (12mm thin) Dual-Port Power Bank Aluminum Alloy External Battery Charger for iPhone 6 6 Plus 5S 5C 5 4S 4, iPad Air, mini, Galaxy S5 S4 S3, Note 4 3, Nexus, HTC One, most other Phones and Tablets-Black
EC Technology® 18000mAh Ultra Slim (12mm thin) Dual-Port Power Bank Aluminum Alloy External Battery Charger for iPhone 6 6 Plus 5S 5C 5 4S 4, iPad Air, mini, Galaxy S5 S4 S3, Note 4 3, Nexus, HTC One, most other Phones and Tablets-Black
Offered by EC Technology UK Store
Price: £69.99

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent battery pack, 19 Aug 2014
Before going any further, I should declare that I'm a member of EC technology's task force of uber-reviewers and received my battery for free, in return for a review. Although I've already had a number of portable chargers for free, this is certainly the largest so far. 18000mah gives enough space to store an awful lot of power. To give some idea, that's ample room to house both the power of love and the power of positive thinking- while still leaving adequate surplus to squeeze in the entire power of Grayskull. As the manufacturers so rightly say in the product description, "it arms you walking farther and further". Unfortunately, mine contains 4 white LEDs, rather than the "charming" blue ones that are advertised- but that's a small compromise, given that they are "humanized" as promised. However, it's quite a stretch when they suggest that it could fit inside a pocket. The dimensions are about 6.5 by 5 inches. To give an idea of scale, that about the size of a dildo that's modelled on an above average, yet not unfeasibly large male appendage, by the size of a genuine yet extremely underwhelming male appendage. Although my wife has absolutely no problem accommodating goods of such proportions within her "hairy pocket", this is really one to transport within a rucksack- rather than about your person.


Panasonic Silver 5 Blade Wet/ Dry Foil Shaver
Panasonic Silver 5 Blade Wet/ Dry Foil Shaver

5.0 out of 5 stars A fine shaver, 19 Aug 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
Compared to the high end electric shavers of a few years back, that I have also assessed, this is a big improvement. As usual, they make a big fuss about how you can use it wet or with shaving foam, but I wouldn't bother with that kind of nonsense. When doing an electric shave, I wouldn't be caught applying shaving cream to my face, with a barge pole. Far more comfortable to keep yourself dry and then use moisturiser afterwards. Anyway, the shave is close and quick (as evidenced by the inbuilt timer, that you can use to monitor PBs), but there's still the same old issue with stray hairs- as is always the case with electrics. If you shave daily then you'll be fine, but if you've left it a few days then it can take a whole lot longer to mop up the last few longer strands.

All in all, it's a very good shaver, but I was concerned to read about the use of nanotechnology on the blades. The obvious danger would be if you were to shave over a cut on your face- potentially allowing nanobots to leap from the blades and enter your bloodstream. At this point, the only way to stop them from taking over your body would be to take a crew of soldiers, put them inside a submarine and then fire a special miniaturisation ray. They could then be administered intravenously, by pulling the trigger on one of those futuristic injection guns. Hopefully everything would turn out fine in the end, but I would feel a lot safer if they took all of the world's nanobots and genetically modified crops and put them on a disposable spaceship, bound directly for the sun. And they could put that Cliff Richard fellow on there too, while they're at it.


Pabobo Automatic Nightlight (Purple)
Pabobo Automatic Nightlight (Purple)
Price: £12.00

4.0 out of 5 stars A decent nightlight, 19 Aug 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
This an excellent nightlight from Pabobo. Don't confuse that with the "bonobo" which is a type of monkey that is widely regarded as the most sexually promiscuous creature in the whole of the animal Kingdom (with the possible exception of my wife, Doreen). I was a little disappointed by the extremely low level of brightness, as I'd rather been hoping to use it a source of "mood lighting" in my own bedroom- along the lines of what you'd expect within the kind of Amsterdam establishment that carries a really rather splendid mood indeed. However, if you simply want to prevent a youngster from soiling their bedding at night due to an irrational fear of pitch black, then it should at least be bright enough to save you from the bother of running a new load of laundry. As an economical bonus, the device automatically shuts itself down come dawn- offering a grand saving of up to 30 pence worth of electricity per calendar year.


Edwin Jagger DE89 Chrome Plated Double Edge Safety Razor
Edwin Jagger DE89 Chrome Plated Double Edge Safety Razor
Price: £22.21

4.0 out of 5 stars Nostalgia from off of the past, 15 Aug 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
When Amazon offered me the chance to test out a double edged razor, I quite literally employed such an explosive contraction within my hamstrings as to propel my feet off the ground, at the chance. However, I must say that I was a little surprised at the fact that not a single blade is included within the kit. It's not unlike the time young Crispin received a Pez dispenser for Christmas- only to burst into tears when he discovered that there wasn't a sweet in sight to load it with. Actually, on that occasion the manufacturers had included plenty (only for Doreen to shove every last one into her fat gob, before wrapping the thing). However, the last time my wife attempted the trick that we'd seen an American perform on the Paul Daniels magic show (where he swallowed a collection of razor blades and string and then coughed them back up, tied onto the thread) she had a pretty rough night in A and E, so I'm quite certain that she hadn't scoffed any additional contents down, on this occasion.

So, I ordered some Wilkinson blades and set to work. Having a blade on each side is quite handy, as it allows extra strokes between rinsing. However, it is arguably a bit of a double ended dildo (or let's say a "double edged sword", for any traditionalists out there), if you're as obsessive compulsive as myself. I found it necessary to count the number of strokes performed by each side, in order to ensure that neither blade became notably more blunt. Anyway, in a world where there's nowhere near as much nostalgia as there used to be, I found it highly satisfying to soap myself up with sandalwood cream and get going with an old-school razor. However, compared to the ease of the modern electric shaver that I was also sent, there is a bit of a downside. Try as I might, nothing seems to make it possible to avoid bleeding profusely from the lower right side of my neck, whatever technique I might attempt. Although I'm normally as calm as a cucumber, whilst shaving I've been finding it increasingly difficult to man up and keep my excrement together. In fact, I've been getting such a nasty case of what golfers call "the yidds" that I've started making careless incisions elsewhere too, all over my face. All in all, it's a nice throwback to the olden days (and an excellent way to get yourself in good nick for a Halloween party), but unless you have rose-tinted memories of the era in which medical blood-letting was all the rage, there are some advantages to contemporary methods.


(2 Million Pixels Cmos,8.5MM diameter,5M USB Ipx67 Waterproof Camera) DB POWER® 5m USB Waterproof Hd 6-led Borescope Endoscope Inspection Tube Visual Camera (5M (8.5mm))
(2 Million Pixels Cmos,8.5MM diameter,5M USB Ipx67 Waterproof Camera) DB POWER® 5m USB Waterproof Hd 6-led Borescope Endoscope Inspection Tube Visual Camera (5M (8.5mm))

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent anal camera, 8 Aug 2014
Length:: 1:23 Mins

When I was offered the chance to receive a complimentary endoscope to review, it didn't take too long before I decided that this would be right up my street. Unfortunately, the manufacturers don't provide any lubrication as part of the package, although luckily I did still have enough of the salmon oil that Amazon Vine had recently sent for me to review. The camera was effective and easy to use, although I can't help but feel that 5m of cable might perhaps be a little on the excessive side for the average cavity. Anyway, as you can see from the psychedelic pinkness of the results, I'm in positively rude anal health.
Comment Comments (3) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 25, 2014 6:42 PM BST


AmazonBasics A100 USB-Powered Computer Speakers - Black
AmazonBasics A100 USB-Powered Computer Speakers - Black
Price: £11.99

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Functionality, 2 Aug 2014
Customer review from the Amazon Vine Programme (What's this?)
Upon plugging these into my computer, these speakers successfully created frequency-specific oscillations that sent vibrational waves airborne. These were duly received by my my cochlea (following transmission down the auditory canal) which sent signals to my brain for processing into a perception of sound- confirming that they had indeed performed their basic sonic task with nothing less than a functional degree of aplomb. However, Amazon's reference to "rich" 3W sound strikes me as being no less of an oxymoron than reference to a "luxurious" microwaved dinner of frozen tripe and onions, that was purchased from the clearance aisle of Farm Foods.


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