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Colin (England)

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Eaten Alive (Beyond Terror) [DVD]
Eaten Alive (Beyond Terror) [DVD]
Dvd ~ Robert Kerman
Offered by Qoolist
Price: £7.22

2.0 out of 5 stars Avoid the Mary Whitehouse Version!, 6 Dec. 2015
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
Just to warn buyers that the 'Beyond Terror' edition of "Eaten Alive" is heavily cut and most of the potent scenes of violence and eroticism have been censored and deleted. Fans of the beautiful Me Me Lai (of Golden Shot fame...remember that?) will be disappointed that the scene where she is disrobed at the funeral and taken by three men on the funeral pyre of her husband (an old native custom...apparently...) has been heavily CUT. And the sequence where she is stripped naked by the cannibals and literally eaten alive has been almost completely CUT. Fans of the beautiful Euro-Babe Paola Senatore will be grieved that the sequence where she too is stripped naked, ravished and eaten alive by the cannibals, has also been almost completely CUT. The beautiful heroine Janet Agren's nude scenes have also been severely CUT and the bit where the cult leader uses a kinky device on her in his hut has been CUT. Also cut are scenes of animal violence: animals being killed by humans and animals killing each other. Also the scene where a native has a vital appendage cut off has been CUT OFF... If you want to see the film as the director envisaged it and as the viewer has every right to expect, given the title of the film, rather than the Mary Whitehouse approved (?) Beyond Terror edition I would recommend the uncut Region 2 Euro version of this film. for which I would give 5 stars.


Only God Forgives [DVD] [2013]
Only God Forgives [DVD] [2013]
Dvd ~ Ryan Gosling
Offered by A ENTERTAINMENT
Price: £2.96

2 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Maniac Cop in Bangkok or Antonioni on Acid?, 22 Jan. 2015
The bad reviews here make amusing reading. I think people put the dvd on expecting a lame brain revenge thriller like "Taken" instead of the startlingly weird psychedelic art film we have here. The visuals are ravishing and the sound track is very funky and plot reminds me more of something by Antonioni or Jodorowsky than the usual by-the-numbers contemporary thriller product. The film artfully subverts audience expectations. The figure of the "Maniac Cop" Chang is very interesting. The evil protagonists want to take revenge on him but it seems that in reality he is taking revenge on them. He is some symbolic figure of justice perhaps. A good film for those who don't leave their brain on the shelf before viewing a movie as they drool into their bag of popcorn....


Elfie Hopkins [DVD]
Elfie Hopkins [DVD]
Dvd ~ Jaime Winstone
Price: £2.33

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Quirky British Horror-Comedy with Much to Enjoy, 15 Sept. 2013
This review is from: Elfie Hopkins [DVD] (DVD)
This quirky little British film is as much about the title character coming of age and overcoming the complexes brought on by a fraught family history as it is about horror represented by the seductive evil of the creepy Gammon family who move in to the small village where she lives. Or rather the two strands run parallel. It delivers the horror goods but not at the expense of believable characterisation. This makes a refreshing change from the mindless hard-bodied-hotties-in-danger horror features which characterise much of the American product. It is also quite funny in its satire on complacent middle England values on the one hand and the phony new-age sophistication represented by the predatory Gammon family on the other. Overall a film which I would heartily recommend to a discriminating viewer of horror films who would like to see something a bit more subtle and emotionally intelligent than a psycho with a chainsaw/axe/meat-cleaver menacing vacuous American college girl cuties. This enjoyable film would appeal as much to women as to men I surmise...


Genova [DVD] [2008]
Genova [DVD] [2008]
Dvd ~ Hope Davis
Price: £5.89

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wake Up - Ye Sleepy Heads - to an Understated and Quietly Effective Ghost Story..., 28 May 2013
This review is from: Genova [DVD] [2008] (DVD)
An understated and quietly effective ghost story set in the creepy, dark, and narrow lanes of the crumbling old city of Genoa where a grief and guilt stricken young girl encounters an apparition of the dead mother for whose death she blames herself. Though some have compared this film to "Don't Look Now", with Genoa standing in for Venice, there are also clear references to "The Turn of the Screw" by Henry James. Like the latter story, whether the apparition is a subjective hallucination or is objectively real is somehow beside the point. The point is not questions as to the "reality" of the ghost but what it means to the protagonist and what the rite of passage represented by death and loss means to the living. Without giving away the plot I merely hint that the moral of this film, like "Don't Look Now", is that, however benign they seem, its best for ones health that the denizens on the "Other Side" should be left severely alone by those on this side...Just to add that I think that some of the uncomprehending reviews here seem to be from those who were unconsiously ticking the boxes of acceptable Holly-wooden wham-bam cinematic cliches and were just not paying attention...Though slow paced, this is, in fact, a tightly plotted film, with a resolute and chilling conclusion. Good acting, nice score and beautiful scenery also...Chill out, ye who are deficit of attention, and enjoy...
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jun 10, 2015 5:01 PM BST


Axis Of War: The First Of August [DVD]
Axis Of War: The First Of August [DVD]
Dvd ~ Liu Jin
Offered by Qoolist
Price: £1.58

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Gripping Chinese War Epic, 13 Feb. 2013
This is an excellent war epic and an interesting history lesson about a neglected but important bit of twentieth century history. My ignorance of Chinese history in the year 1927 raised the tension about who wins in the end. Is the armed communist uprising in Nanchang going to succeed or not? Will history be made or will it all end in disaster for the revolutionary cause? The idealistic Chou-En Lai thinks it a good idea and sets about to organise it. Meanwhile Mao brags about his accomplishments in swimming across the River Yangstze but does not take any part in the action. Meanwhile the reactionary KMT leaders indulge in their own machinations to try to stifle the rising.

The success of the uprising seems to depend on the wavering political orientation of an eccentric general called "He" as to whether he will use his troops to aid the communist cause or accept the cosy inducements of the KMT. "He" has a spiffing moustache and is known for his advocacy of Western food. An entertaining sub-plot concerns his beautiful niece who wants to get a gun and join the army to get revenge on those who slaughtered her family. The climatic uprising and battle of Nanchang is genuinely gripping, but I won't tell you who wins in case it spoils the movie for you...Will buy parts 2 and 3 to see how it all pans out...


Bathory: Countess of Blood [DVD]
Bathory: Countess of Blood [DVD]
Dvd ~ Anna Friel
Price: £5.00

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Virgin on the Ridiculous, 7 Feb. 2013
This film came as a complete revelation to me. Before watching I had assumed that Elizabeth Bathory was a sadistic lesbian vampire killer who bathed in the blood of virgins in the grand olde Hungarian fashion, in a grand old castle in Hungary. However, according to this film Ms Bathory was the victim of a nefarious frame-up as to the contents of her bath, her sexuality and her putative propensities both to suck blood and slaughter virgins.

The blood bath, it seems, was merely the red coloured variety of Bathory's Own Brand Herbal Essences Bath Oil. And as for virgins - it is apparent, from the film, that there were none at all in Hungary at that date. In the interests of historical accuracy the film shows very many scenes of sexy, naked, Hungarian maidens being alternately ravished by the contending teams of the Manic Magyars and/or the Saucy Saracens who were battling over possession of Hungary territory at the time. So...no virgins...therefore...no virgin blood for the bath...hence the recourse to Bathory's Own Brand Herbal Essences Bath Oil...I guess...(that's my theory anyway...).

As for lesbianism, apart from one odd scene in which Friel as Bathory is seen playing the piano in the company of topless maidens, it seems that her main love interest is in initiating a gay Italian painter (Caravaggio...for it is he...) into heterosexual love and thus keeping him, quite literally, on the straight and narrow. And signs of alleged vampirism, it now transpires, are merely the result of puncture wounds caused by Bathory's Patent Anti-Rape Flick Prongs, another of her amazing inventions, which, at one point in the film, she gives to one of her maids - who had evidentally suffered a bit too much ravishment at the hands by the Manic Magyars and the Saucy Saracens at both home and away games. A strange and pointless sub-plot involving a couple of wacky monks features other amazing 17th century Hungarian inventions, including cameras, records, parachutes and er....roller skates...All these latter however, have been patented by monks for ecclesiastical use only - and do not belong to the Bathory Home Brand range.

As well as misunderstandings as to the nature of Bathory's Herbal Essences Bath Oil, and the effects of Bathory's Patent Anti-Rape Flick-Prongs when applied to the neck, the film further explains that Bathory's downfall was the result of having creepy catacombs underneath her castle. This evidentally proved an irresistable temptation to some practical jokers - who wanted her property - to chain some comely maidens up to the wall down there and then allege that these girls were her prospective victims. Putting this all together in court, later on, it was a simple matter to prove to the judge that Bathory was a sadistic, blood-bathing, lesbian vampire killer. Basically just the standard weirdly complex frame-up scenario that is meat and drink to popular Belgian detectives on TV.

In conclusion the aim of the film seems to be to proclaim a revisionary anti-myth to set up in contrast to the well known horror legend. Unfortunately this anti-myth is even sillier and even more pseudo-historical than the original story. The experience of the film is a bit like being buttonholed by some pub bore who assumes that you are interested in their personal fixation as to the guilt or innocence of Richard III or the "true" identity of Shakespeare or some other irrevelent historical "mystery" from several centuries ago...You end up none the wiser and are neither instructed nor entertained...


The Gathering [DVD]
The Gathering [DVD]
Dvd ~ Christina Ricci
Price: £4.00

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Much to enjoy for Ricci fans and others!, 27 Aug. 2012
This review is from: The Gathering [DVD] (DVD)
The ever watchable Christina Ricci graces olde England with her presence in this eerie supernatural horror film set in darkest rural England. Though, initially, I thought we might be treated to some hoky "pagan rites" type plot line the story veers off in quite an original way to do with obscure, er...Christian rites and folklore...replete with quotations from apocryphal scripture. Whilst managing to avoid the equally hoky "good versus evil" scenario,the story does deal with the theological implications of human evil. Something like the Catholic horror films of Abel Ferrara mixed up with a bit of M.R. James...Worshippers at the shrine of the delectable Ricci will also be blessed...say no more...brethren...


Emanuelle 5 [DVD]
Emanuelle 5 [DVD]
Dvd ~ Monique Gabrielle
Price: £14.10

2 of 4 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Beyond Rubbish, 4 Jun. 2012
This review is from: Emanuelle 5 [DVD] (DVD)
In so many ways worse than being poked in the eye with a sharp stick this film views like some appalling home movie. Cringe at the ragged discontinuous film sequences seemingly gathered up at random from the cutting room floor and stuck together into a muddled mess with some added stock footage and random voice-overs. Cower at the spectacle of acting so bad it makes an average shop window dummy look like an Oscar contender by comparison. A film of zero quality which is an insult to any viewer's intelligence and a complete waste of their time. One suspects the erstwhile distinguished director Boroczyk did it as a mean joke at the expense of the audience, took the money and ran, his hollow laughter echoing from the grindhouse walls...


The Green Berets [DVD] [1968]
The Green Berets [DVD] [1968]
Dvd ~ John Wayne
Price: £5.17

5 of 10 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Plan 9 From Vietnam, 22 May 2011
John Wayne's inept attempt to give a positive gloss to the Vietnam experience is a worthy contender for the coveted prize of the world's worse movie. The characters are cardboard and the situations are cliched. Director John Wayne grandstands as an over-aged action hero fighting a malevolent Vietcong enemy whose penchant for ingenious tortures, mutilations, gang-rapes and war-whoops suggest that they are close cousins to the Apaches Wayne fought in previous movies. Counter-pointing Wayne's action hero is David Janssen's limp-wristed liberal journalist in a safari suit. Janssen adopts a hang-dog expression for most of the movie, possibly due to being exposed to the Duke's anti-communist hectoring, or perhaps anticipating the cruel laughter of the critics after the release of the film.
The movie is divided into three main scenes and a conclusion. Scene One sees Wayne defending a jungle fort against hordes of evil Vietcong/Apaches. This being "Charlie's Point", the evil 'Cong temporarily get the advantage and overrun the fort before the cavalry comes to the rescue and the Asian hordes are mown down by American jet fighters. Scene Two sees Wayne leading a patrol to capture a Vietnamese general, somewhat unsportingly employing a glamorous Vietnamese femme fatale as juicy bait for the lovelorn Commie. Wayne's cunning plan works like clockwork and said Commie is put in an orange jump-suit and dispatched to an unspecified Guantanomo Bay type institution of the era. Scene Three is a routine bridge blowing up exercise by Wayne and cohorts. The sort of thing we have seen a thousand times before in previous war movies - usually done with much more panache than here. The film concludes with the famous astronomical enigma of the sun setting in the east as Wayne walks along a Vietnamese beach, hand in hand with a young boy.
In summary the film is a fatuous, feeble, flat-footed, disjointed, inept and dishonest piece of propaganda.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jul 2, 2011 2:37 PM BST


No Title Available

11 of 13 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good in Parts..., 17 April 2011
These episodes from four 50's - early 60's British crime series vary widely in quality. By far the worse are the dreadful Danziger brothers film studio efforts on disk 1. Viz: Saber of London and Man from Interpol. These consist of a series of cliched characters in by-the-numbers scenes played by no-hope actors temporarily saved from claiming unemployment benefit for the duration. These tiresome thespians go through the motions of being cops and robbers in a series of scenes which seem to bear no relation to real-life-as-we-know-it. Connoisseurs of trash film might, however, enjoy the one-armed pipe-smoking private-eye Saber's dramatic opening declaration that he is "Saber of London" and seeing the Man from Interpol (for it is he...) loitering outside of New Scotland yard in a dirty Mac, whilst surrealists might ponder why so many crime fighters and crooks in 1950's England sport American accents...
The second disk features episodes from Tales of Edgar Wallace and Scotland Yard. These seem to have been originally produced for the cinema as B features by the obscure Merton Park film studio (S.W. London). This probably explains their better quality vis a vis the made-for-tv Danziger efforts. These dramas display genuine mysteries and have interesting storylines. Scotland Yard in particular is very stylish with the famed crime novelist and broadcaster Edgar Lustgarten introducing each episode and adding further comments towards the end. I was pleased to make Mr Lustgarten's acquaintance here (he being before my time...) and hope that the complete series of Scotland Yard can be brought out on dvd (and also the Tales of Edgar Wallace). My verdict on Saber of London and the Man from Interpol, however, is that whilst not actively criminal they could be charged with with "wasting the audience's time" and that, humorists and masochists excepted, most viewers would do well to avoid them...


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