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Profile for Manuel Cards > Reviews

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Content by Manuel Cards
Top Reviewer Ranking: 9,088,318
Helpful Votes: 88

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Reviews Written by
Manuel Cards

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0 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Best on the market., 21 Feb. 2014
This is a great product. Most ridicule barometers give atrocious readings, but this model is exceptional. It really sets itself apart from other products on the market by disguising itself as a laser-guided beard trimmer. Under this fantastical pretense it is able to obtain a completely unsullied psychological reaction from an observer to itself. Once the data has been processed it can dispense a reading of the localised atmosphere of ridicule to within 0.34 acorahs - an incredibly small margin of error which even the Woman Refusing a Plate of Food Picture cannot match. Outstanding.

Enema Kit - 2 litre capacity for home and travel.
Enema Kit - 2 litre capacity for home and travel.
Offered by Kultvideo
Price: £7.60

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great, but needs better instructions (see below), 20 Sept. 2013
1: Close and lock all doors.
2: Close all curtains.
3: Take phone off hook
4: Turn TV up loud
5: Remove all packaging of Home Enema kit
6: Get in bath (with it)
7: Fill Home Enema Kit with water.
8: Insert bum hose into bum
9: Pump.
10: Cry
11: Suffer evacuation of bowels
12: Cry some more
13: Throw Home Enema kit out of window.
14. Clean bath
15: Shower 13 times (or, to suit)
Comment Comments (4) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Mar 7, 2014 2:42 PM GMT

Grand Theft Auto V (PS3)
Grand Theft Auto V (PS3)
Price: £17.99

32 of 233 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Misleading title + overhype = disappointment for hardcore fanbase., 20 Sept. 2013
Do not be fooled: Grand Theft Auto V is not a game about shape-shifting reptiles from outer space who are hiding among us in a fictional version of Los Angeles. I know because I searched the whole game for strange people in red suits eating rodents and birds, but I could not find a single one. Understandably frustrated, I returned the game to my local videogame store, only to be told by staff that the V in the title in fact stands for '5' and has nothing to do with the excellent sci-fi miniseries from 1983. Disappointed.
Comment Comments (23) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Oct 5, 2013 8:49 PM BST

No Title Available

5.0 out of 5 stars Instructional imagery at its most potent, 19 Sept. 2013
Before I bought this product I had no idea what to do when I was offered a dish I didn't want to eat. But now, thanks to this picture, I have a 100% record of successful plate-of-food refusals. It's amazing what a new hand gesture, a nice pink outift, a haircut and a shave can do for your figure.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Sep 22, 2013 2:25 AM BST


0 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars God, these are great!, 22 Aug. 2013
Usually when I'm out clubbing and my head's full of more drugs than Lance Armstrong's cycling shorts, I like to praise The Lord. Trouble is, the clubs I go to are generally pitch black inside. So when I'm listening to Sash! at full volume and I fancy a quick pray, I waste a good ten minutes fumbling around in my hot pants trying to find my rosary beads. Well, not anymore - thanks to this product. Now I can throw shapes around the club and wave my neon beads about like a fanatical extra in 'Tron'. They're also pretty good for scaring the life out of the chimps when I get back to the laboratory; drunk and in the mood for mischief. Result!
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Sep 22, 2013 2:25 AM BST

No Title Available

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Not signed? Not interested., 7 Aug. 2013
Prince George is almost 3 weeks old now: I expect a higher level of literacy from a member of the royal family. The mug isn't Wedgwood either. Disappointed.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Sep 22, 2013 2:24 AM BST

Meet The Spartans [DVD]
Meet The Spartans [DVD]
Dvd ~ Sean Maguire

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A work of genius, 10 April 2013
This review is from: Meet The Spartans [DVD] (DVD)
I can not recommend this film enough. There is not a single thing about it with which I can find fault. It surpasses everything that I have ever used for subduing primates that have been severely agitated after gene-splicing therapy. Ketamine, opium, ether and good old-fashioned chloroform do not even come close - not only because of dosage considerations, but also because you have to buy them more than once. This film, however, works every time with no loss of effect: the primates seem to be unable to build any resistance whatsoever. Every single time I put it on the projectors they are slumped against the bars of their cages, drooling, within 40 minutes. An outstanding product.
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Mar 10, 2014 5:24 PM GMT

Photo Mug of from Flpa
Photo Mug of from Flpa
Offered by Art247
Price: £8.99

48 of 51 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Apex of Chalice, 12 Jun. 2012
Nobody likes tea more than I do (except maybe for Kofi Annan). And what better way is there for me to enjoy this fine beverage than by grabbing a fistful of tea leaves, plunging my hand into a bath of piping hot water and thrusting my scalding, peeling fingers into my mouth? None, you say.

But you're wrong. Wrong like a paper bong.


Because something just changed the game: The Paul Ross mug.

I used to think mugs were a disgrace: circular-based icons of a false god: a porcelain short-cut that could never bring the tea-drinker to the necessary euphoric climax. But that was before a great friend returned from the wilderness, bearing unto me the greatest vessel built since Noah fashioned his ark.

Caress the white handle. Behold the mighty visage of the man who once uttered unto mankind that the film called 'Spiderman' was indeed 'web-tastic'. Worship the one who once reviewed a motorway service station for the television show 'This Morning' and found the food and parking facilities to be excellent. Marvel at how his face is on both sides of the mug. Certainly it is the cup of the king of kings.

My advice is that you acquire it with the utmost urgency, before the mug passes out of knowledge for a thousand years.

(Side effects of usage include violently uncontrollable telekinesis, hardening and scaling of the skin, and the ability to change the colour of wallpaper.)
Comment Comments (4) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jun 10, 2014 2:23 PM BST

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