Three Yorkshire girls decide to get away from boyfriend troubles in drizzly Britain and spend a few days living it up on the Med. In a bar they meet a group of well spoken boys who have access to a yacht for the day and soon head out onto the ocean to continue the party. Unfortunately for them the 'Donkey Punch' of the title refers to a dangerous sexual activity that certain members of the group are keen to try.

Sounds a bit grim? Well it is but it's actually a very good thriller with some impressive acting and directing. I won't talk too much about the plot but if you've seen 'Very Bad Things' or read 'A Simple Plan' you'll know how these situations tend to spiral out of control. Pretty soon the yacht is the scene of some major unpleasantness with the tension built up effectively. It gets a bit silly towards the end but at only 90 minutes or so Donkey Punch will keep your attention to the bitter end.

The main criticism I have would be with the picture quality. I don't know too much about modern filming methods but I found the contrast to be very poor. For a film largely filmed at night it was difficult to tell what was going on, especially the scenes in the water which looked very pixellated in places.

Like this? Try: Very Bad Things

Small time crook David (Andy 'Gollum' Serkis) and Peter (Reece 'The League of Gentlemen' Shearsmith) kidnap the feisty Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) to hold her gangster father to ransom for £100,000. Unfortunately the cottage where they choose to hide out is the stalking ground of a lumpy headed maniac.

Hmmm. A bit of a strange one this. Neither full on comedy or full on horror, 'The Cottage' doesn't deliver that many laughs or indeed that many scares. I was expecting some of the macabre comic genius of 'The League of Gentleman' with some of the frights of 'An American Werewolf In London' but was let down on both counts. Whilst Serkis is fairly good as one exasperated kidnapper, Shearsmith is a little wooden as the other and I know Jennifer Ellison is supposed to be playing the common as muck daughter of a scally gangster but hearing the C word coming from a womans mouth still makes me wince a bit, and she says it a LOT. The dialogue is pretty horrible in places with way too much unnecessary profanity and that's before the unscary psycho makes an appearance. Having spent such a fortune on gore, you'd think the production team may have bought a slightly more convincing halloween mask for the killer to wear. There are some good bits but 'The Cottage is more miss than hit.

Like this? Try: Severance

Ken (Brendan Gleeson) and Ray (Colin Farrell) play a couple of Irish hitmen hiding out in the Belgian medieval town of Bruges after a bungled contract killing in London. They are given strict instructions to wait at their hotel for angry boss Harry (Ralph Fiennes) to call with further instructions.

Although In Bruges is a 'british gangster flick' of sorts, don't let that put you off. It's certainly not just another 'Lock Stock' clone with flash camera tricks and cockney geezers, this is an original and very funny film. The dialogue is fantastic and the two leads do an excellent job as the bickering pair. Colin Farrell is suprisingly funny outside of his usual macho roles and delivers his lines brilliantly. The setting of Bruges is beautiful too and filming takes in some stunning locations. Things turn nasty when Harry turns up and there are some violent scenes but In Bruges is essentially a black comedy with some very dark, very un-PC humour (racist dwarves, prostitutes and fat tourists).

I had a teacher who used to call me Dumbo. I assumed he was implying I was mentally retarded but now I see this and realise he was mocking my huge ears which I use to help me fly!

Dullard accountant Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy) is taken advantage of by his horrific boss, slimy best pal and harpy girlfriend. He mistakes strange sensations he feels when stressed for anxiety and sits in his office cubicle searching for any reference to his miserable existence on Google. One evening he is approached by the beautiful Fox (Angelina Jolie) who tells him he is heir to his recently deceased father's fortune and must continue his work. Trouble is, dad was some kind of super assassin, responsible for numerous killings in the name of 'fate.'

Director Timur Bekmambetov made one of my favourite films of the decade with 'Night Watch,' a wonderfully stylish Russian vampire tale, teeming with originality and class. Here, Bekmambetov gets the opportunity to transfer his John Woo-esque style to the mainstream with a big budget and A-list cast. Despite being totally unbelievable nonsense from start to finish it does actually work really well. Morgan Freeman leads a fraternity of weavers whose elevated heart rates and ability to slow their senses make them perfect candidates for extraordinarily complicated contract killings. Their targets names are given in code by 'the loom of fate' (I kid you not). This silliness gives rise to all kinds of bonkers action sequences as McAvoy is trained up to avenge his fathers death by learning to knife fight, shoot bullets around corners and control his 'anxiety attacks.' It's incredibly violent, with exploding heads (and rats) the order of the day but it's all cartoonish and very entertaining. Jolie is sexier than ever, clearly relishing her role and McAvoy proves he can cut it with the Hollywood elite after TV's Shameless and period drama Atonement. The constant use of slow motion and Matrix style set pieces can get a little annoying but on the whole this is a very decent saturday night action film.

Like this? Try: The Matrix

When Scotland is ravaged by a deadly and highly contagious virus, a huge wall is built along the border with England to contain the outbreak. Flash forward twenty years or so and Scotland is an apocalyptic wasteland populated by gangs of nomadic cannibals and the few remaining immune survivors. When the virus re-surfaces in London, a team of soldiers led by Rhona Mitra are sent over the wall to try and determine whether or not a cure exists.

Doomsday director, Neil Marshall previously made two cracking low budget horror films in Dog Soldiers and The Descent. I don't know how he went from the slow burning tension of The Descent to the ludicrous gore and action of Doomsday but he obviously can't be trusted with a big budget. It's almost as if he has been influenced by every film ever and shoved ideas from all of them into one film with a flimsy story and no cohesion whatsoever. When you also take into account a poor script, very poor acting and an absurdly inappropriate soundtrack you have a confusing mess that actually becomes rather boring despite the non-stop action sequences. Starting out like the illegitimate offspring of 28 Days Later and Resident Evil, Doomsday also shamelessly copies ideas from Mad Max, Gladiator and Escape From New York. The ridiculously cliched nomads are laughable (why is it that the future always seems to be populated by bare chested, mohican sporting punks in these kinds of films?) and the film goes nowhere original whatsoever despite a weird run in with some kind of medieval community living in a castle. There are one or two good ideas lost in a sea of poorly executed nonsense and there are far better examples of this kind of film already out there so don't waste two hours of your life like I just have watching Doomsday.

Like this? Try: 28 Days/Weeks Later

For the last four weeks I have been watching episodes of The Wire back to back right from the beginning of season one to the end of season four to prepare myself for this fifth and final season. Now, having just finished watching the feature length finale I feel a strange sense of grief knowing I will never again have excitement and pleasure of watching a new episode.

Season five is all about tying up loose ends and this time the focus is on the Baltimore Sun newspaper. Carcetti's city hall has no money left to spend so promises made to Daniels are going unfulfilled and the police department can no longer pay officers overtime. A frustrated McNulty and Freamon take insubordination to a new extreme in order to serve the greater good. Marlo Stanfield makes his play for power with the help of loyal soldiers Chris and Snoop who also bait Omar out of retirement. Meanwhile, the political machine keeps chewing up Senators, Commissioners and anyone else with anything to lose.

So is it as breathtaking as seasons one to four? Not quite I'm afraid. Whilst undoubtedly still an extraordinary drama, I'm rating season five in comparison with the previous seasons and if I consider that they were close to perfect, here would be my (minor) criticisms.

1) I feel nothing towards any of the new characters working for the newspaper. They certainly don't have the personality or charisma of the gangsters, cops or dock workers of previous episodes. Extended periods of time filmed inside the Baltimore Sun offices are a little boring.

2) McNulty's antics are given way too much screen time and are far fetched at best, ridiculously far fetched at worst. Way too little screen time is given to the Marlo vs. Omar story which I would imagine is what most viewers would like to see more of (I certainly did).

3) It's hard to believe Herc would go from being a cop to working for a scumbag like Maurice Levy.

Those gripes aside, The Wire still has plenty going for it. The script and acting is still first rate and the message of the series is clear. No matter how many people try to change the city, the cycle just continues. Marlo becomes the new ''Stringer'' Bell, "Slim" Charles becomes the new ''Prop" Joe, Michael becomes the new Omar, Dukie becomes the new Bubbles, Sydnor becomes the new McNulty, Pearlman becomes the new Judge, Daniels becomes the new Pearlman and Carver becomes the new Daniels. The body on the street at the end tells us that no matter how many people tried or promised to try making a difference, there'll always be another Avon Barksdale or Marlo Stanfield making their move on the streets and in response there'll never be enough money so there'll always be people who create the illusion of success to further their own careers. It may sound a pessimistic and disappointing ending but it's really well done and I'm just glad the show went out on a high. In fact, I'm going to take my DVD boxsets down to the local Irish Tavern to lay them out on the felt of the pool table and give them the real Western division send off they deserve.

Like this? Try: The Wire: Seasons 1-5

In the opening scene of the first episode, the most terrifying female villain on TV, Felicia "Snoop" Pearson is listening to a hardware store clerk explaining the advantages of buying a high calibre nail gun. The Wire being The Wire, you just know she won't be using it for any home improvement. And so begins another audacious season of the finest drama on the box, this time with the emphasis on Baltimore's failing educational system.

Disgraced ex-cop "Prez" features highly in his new role as a high school maths teacher trying his best to reach students who have no interest in anything outside corner life and earning a quick dollar slingin'. McNulty is back on the beat and off the drink whilst Kima, Bunk and Freamon work homicides when the major crimes unit wire taps are no longer renewed. Thomas Carcetti learns some harsh lessons in Baltimore politics and Daniels continues to move up the ladder. On the street, youngster Marlo Stanfield has taken over the drug corners of West Baltimore after the collapse of the Barksdale organization. Lots of rival dealers are missing but the police have no bodies on their hands. On the East side, Proposition Joe, new right hand man "Slim" Charles and the co-op are eager to get Marlo onside to take advantage of his real estate. Doing his own thing as usual, Omar and new protege Reynaldo tire of robbing small time dealers and decide to go after some of the big boys.

It's a testament to David Simon's skills as a writer that each highly complex series of the wire has continued to be so brilliant. The emphasis shifts to a different aspect of Baltimore's troubled criminal justice system each time and in season 4 we see the familiar themes of political one-upmanship, back stabbing and frustration within the same high school that educates the new generation of gangsters and slingers. As a teacher myself, I was very pleased to see the amount of research that had obviously gone into making Prez's experiences realistic. A lot of the problems he faces with his disaffected students are right on the money and the shows authenticity is what makes it so great. That as well as the writing and acting. I once read a review of The Wire in which it was described as "the greatest novel never written" which is a good way of looking at it. You can't just tune in and watch the odd episode, it's all or nothing. The story is so ambitious from season 1 to the end of season 5 that it's probably best to buy the whole lot on DVD and take a week off work. The sheer number of well written characters is phenomenal and the quality never dips in season 4. It is pretty heavy going at times and several characters meet their end but the final episode sets up nicely for the fifth and final season.

Like this? Try: The Wire: Seasons 1-3

After spending a few crazy Monday afternoons at DC10 in Ibiza over the years, I was excited to see Circoloco had released a 3 part double mix CD collection to celebrate 10 years of debauchery. I bought the first installment in Ibiza and banged it on when I got home to try and kill the blues of being back in drizzly West Yorkshire.

The first CD is mixed by DC10 stalwart Tania Vulcano. The mix starts off in style with the great opener 'Closer Musik - One Two Three (No Gravity)' and quickly begins to move through the stripped down minimal techno the club has become famous for. The trouble with that is that the style doesn't always transfer well to CD as is the case on 90% of minimal mix CDs. The energy of the tracks is often lost on small home speakers and sounds a bit boring when not on a packed dance-floor. Just as I was beginning to get a little bored of CD1 the mix moves into a more rhythmic house sound taking in tracks from Rasoul and DJ Sneak. Just as things get interesting the mix frustratingly strips back down into minimal techno again and ends on a bit of a dull note.

The opening of CD2 sounds like someone jangling their car keys and after 30 seconds or so, fearing another 60 minute snooze-athon I began reaching for the skip button when suddenly the track began to warm up with some nice bass and vocal stabs. Sossa's mix is much more Ibiza to me. Even though it is very much minimal, it's a much more organic sound than the clinical programming of CD1 and the groove can be felt throughout. CD2 made me feel like I felt on the DC10 dance-floor whereas CD1 left me feeling cold and indifferent.

Only true Circoloco enthusiasts will spring over sixty quid for all three parts to this set (I don't think I will) but I can recommend part 1 on the strength of Sossa's mix alone.

Like this? Try: Fabric 13: Michael Mayer

Between them, Lt. Gordon (Gary Oldman) and Batman (Christian Bale) have slowly regained control of Gotham City's crime ridden streets. Most of the Arkham Asylum escapees have been rounded up and the mob bosses are running scared of the mysterious masked vigilante. When a mob bank is attacked in an audacious daylight robbery, the sinister Joker (Heath Ledger) puts himself on the radar of every law enforcement officer and gangster in the city. Meanwhile, tough new District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) and his girlfriend/assistant Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhall) are determined not to let the Joker take control of Gotham's underworld.

In 2007, the coolest movie marketing campaign ever began to seep into the public domain. Creepy teaser posters showing the deformed face of the Joker began appearing everywhere and trailers leaked on the internet announced the sequel to Christopher Nolan's excellent 'Batman Begins.' Nolan successfully redirected the Batman franchise back on course after the ludicrously camp "Batman and Robin' starring George Clooney as the caped crusader. Nolan returned to the neo-noir feel of Tim Burton's classic original and fans loved him for it. The hype machine went into unintentional overdrive when star Heath Ledger died of a drug overdose shortly after filming wrapped. Naysayers who had previously criticized his casting as the Joker were soon silenced when the trailers hit, showing a scarred psychopath,, a million miles from Jack Nicholson's interpretation in the original movie. Rumours of his towering performance meant the hype machine was at fever pitch by The Dark Knight's July release but does it live up to the hype?

Yes, yes and YES! The Dark Knight is an outstanding crime drama/action movie that just so happens to feature Batman. Christopher Nolan took inspiration from Michael Mann's fantastic 'Heat' and the similarities are plain to see. The opening sequence is a high-tech robbery on a bank, set to a pulsing monotonous bass tone that serves to crank the tension high just like Robert DeNiro's bank robbery in Heat. The gunfire is loud and accentuated further by not being confused by background music. The car chase features trucks used as battering rams and the streets become a war zone like downtown LA in Heat. Nolan doesn't neglect character development either, focusing on Bruce Wayne's feelings for Rachel and Harvey Dent's inner struggle with his darker side. The only person we don't find out much about is the Joker which only makes him scarier. We are introduced to him properly when he gatecrashes a meeting of Gotham's mobsters to let them know he robbed them and he will dispatch Batman to make things even. Ledger apparently studied Malcolm McDowell's performance in 'A Clockwork Orange' in order to get the right blend of charisma and brutality and locked himself away for a month to get into character. His Joker is a force of nature. A shotgun toting psycho that prefers a sharp knife to an elaborate but easily escapable contraption. It truly is Ledger's film, not because Bale isn't good, but because Ledger is better. We are also re-acquainted with Alfred (Michael Caine), Lucious Fox (Morgan Freeman) and a are treated to a blink and you'll miss it cameo from Cilian Murphy as the Scarecrow. Besides the obvious Batman vs. The Joker story, there is also the Harvey Dent/Two Face situation which in my opinion seems like a bit of an afterthought. His attempted revenge on Gordon is squeezed in when it would have maybe been better set up for a possible sequel. Apart from that, I really can't criticize The Dark Knight at all except for maybe saying it's a little overlong but the action is so good it doesn't seem like it's two and a half hours.

In conclusion, The Dark Knight is Heath Ledger's film. He dominates every scene he is in and when he's not on screen you wish he was. Even so, the film has enough going for it to make it one of the best films of the decade and fan or not, you will not be disappointed.

Like this? Try: Batman Begins