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Mark Twain

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Apple iPod 30GB Video/Black (5th Generation)
Apple iPod 30GB Video/Black (5th Generation)

7 of 18 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars It WILL Break, 15 Aug. 2007
Every person I know who has bought an ipod has had it break on them. If you buy an ipod it will break, simple. Granted, they're great for a while, but they are by far the most frustrating gadget i've used.

Mine randomly crashes midway through songs and then comes up with a sad face when restarted. It might take 4 or 5 restarts before it works properly again, but by then the battery will be dead...

The amount of material on the internet about the problems encountered with ipods should surely be enough to put you off. Please, do yourself a favour and buy a rival, I certainly wish I had.

Mechanics of Dysfunction
Mechanics of Dysfunction
Offered by Fulfillment Express
Price: £6.02

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Never thought I'd say it but..., 21 May 2007
...this album might just be too brutal. I know, I know... Every song is dizzyingly fast and complex, but after listening to all 30 minutes of it you'll find yourself thinking "Yeah, that was really fast and brutal but...." and that's where the problem lies. There's nothing to really grab hold of. No truly memorable riffs or parts of the songs, and definitely no sing along choruses (But you probably knew that if you're reading this review). It's just constant shredding and blast beats.

It sounds great, like a big grindcore machine chugging out endless brootality, but that's really all it is. This is one of those albums you stick on when you want nothing but to be sonically raped. Good stuff!

DualShock 3
DualShock 3

13 of 79 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Ouch!, 20 Mar. 2007
= Fun:2.0 out of 5 stars 
This review is from: DualShock 3 (Accessory)
It might just be me, but after years of the same controller configuration on PS1 and 2, my thumbs are knackered! This was the main reason I went from being a firm Playstation man to the delights of Microsofts white box of dreams. Sure enough, the Xbox 360's controller is infinetly more comfortable when playing for prolonged periods of time, ie. those 8 hour pro evolution sessions.

I was tempted by the PS3's eliptical controller, but now that they have reverted back to this old control design, for the sake of my thumbs, I will not be purchasing. So to conclude... this controller design hurts my thumbs so I have ranked it only 2 stars. I haven't used a SixAxis controller so I can't judge whether or not any of the new features work or not, I'm rating this purely from a design viewpoint.

Crackdown (Xbox 360)
Crackdown (Xbox 360)
Price: £15.98

4 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Pretty pretty pretty good, 16 Mar. 2007
= Fun:5.0 out of 5 stars 
This review is from: Crackdown (Xbox 360) (Video Game)
Firstly, the reviewer below has made the same mistake I initially made when completing the game. Once you've finished the last boss all of the gang members disappear. But if you were to turn off your xbox and then load up your game again, you have the option of turning gang members on or off. Hope that clears some things up.

Basically, this is like Grand Theft Auto but with a few differences. You can jump really high and pick really heavy things up. That's all it adds to GTA. However, there are none of the varied missions or storyline that GTA has in spades. Crackdown is basically jump, shoot, jump, shoot, shoot, shoot, jump and then maybe drive for a bit before more jumping and shooting. It's gloriously shallow yet fantastically fun. For a while. It can get boring fast and there is very limited re-playability.

I'm sure you've heard all about the orbs, and searching for them really is as addictive as everyone else has said.

I can imagine that in a few more weeks Amazon is going to have hundreds of these for sale in the Marketplace. It's a good, enjoyable and most importantly FUN game. It's just short lived. Good variety of Achievments though. And getting all 800 of the orbs will test even the most dedicated of gamers patience.

Frank Miller's Robocop
Frank Miller's Robocop
by Frank Miller
Edition: Paperback

17 of 22 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Meh, 27 Feb. 2007
This review is from: Frank Miller's Robocop (Paperback)
So I was pretty excited by the prospect of this book. I'd looked for it on the internet to no avail, before I found it here on Amazon. I guess it's been re-printed perhaps? Anyway, I'd read about the mess behind the film Robocop 2 and was interested to see how Frank Miller had originally envisioned it. Now, if it was anything like this book then the film wouldn't have been any good anyway.

Firstly, the artwork is in that super detailed style. It's quite nice and well... detailed. However, it's nearly impossible to tell what is going on. There are panels where you can see it's Robocop, but you just can't tell what on Earth he's doing. It's like that all the way through. This problem really makes itself clear in any of the action scenes, of which there are at least a few. This is just underlined by the fact that there are often arrows telling you which panel to read next, it's as if the artist realized half way through that you couldn't understand the action.

The story isn't all that hot either really. Police on strike, evil woman with big knockers, lone police woman with big knockers. Even Robocop seems to have big knockers. Knockers.

And lastly, and this is the most irritating, there are typos. It's just so half arsed. There are times when it should say 'is' but is says 'if'. Obviously not the biggest thing in the world but come on, this shouldn't have been published like that. I counted three or four similar mistakes. Tut tut.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Nov 11, 2010 10:34 AM GMT

Price: £7.38

3 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Gave me hope, 21 July 2005
This review is from: Clients (Audio CD)
I had pretty much given up on hardcore. There didn't seem to be much point any more. What with Norma Jean going gay on me. Sing-a-long choruses? Why? And not a breakdown in sight! Argh! So, my other favourite band have now released their second album. And has it all gone to the dogs? Well, no! Yay.
This album, much like the first, will bugger you to death. Quite literally. It will drive a truck through your front door, stomp up the stairs straight to your room. For buggering.
Um, lots of blasts and sick double kick in the drums department. This guy is a bit of a beast. The sound is generally good except for the annoying clicky triggered double kick sound that appears during the superhumanly fast kick bits.
The guitars sound really good with brutal chugs and some pretty phat riffs. There are lots of tempo changes and time signature madness but it's all good. Breakdown, on the track 'Lay The Tarp' quite high with one especially sick bit. "Woah" is what you'll say. Rest of the album... yeah, breakdowns at 3 o'clock.
The vocals are not as good as on 'Fused Together in Revolving Doors' in my opinion. Like too much time has been spent making them sound so brutal. The majority of the album has a lowish growl. There are some super low bits (Yeah!) and some annoying spoken word (kinda) bits. The lyrics are...well, who cares. Probably something about gutting virgins.
Lame hardcore genre: Probably... Grinding Death Metalcore?
Favourite track... Maybe 'Lay the Tarp'. Not the last track though. It's an insrumental but misses the mark slightly. Just give me brutal grinding 'til death!!

O God The Aftermath
O God The Aftermath
Offered by betterworldbooks
Price: £8.64

3 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars uhhh......, 23 Mar. 2005
This review is from: O God The Aftermath (Audio CD)
Where have all the breakdowns gone? I swear, there is like... 2 or something. On 'Bless the Martyr...' you'd get about a million breakdowns per song. Oh well, instead we have maybe... Botch meets, um... Norma Jean? With that dude from Eso-Charis on vocals apparently. I never liked Eso-Charis much. Its produced by Matt Bayles so maybe he said 'Lose the breakdowns guys, and listen to this Botch record, track 2 had a good riff you can borrow'. Or rather, maybe not. There are all the requisite guitar squeals and the drums are pretty good but it just isn't as good as 'Bless the Martyr...' There, I said it. There are even some merch sing-a-long bits.
Oh, and half the sleeve is cool, and half the sleeve is the worst. The lyrics are legible this time and written in a funky way, but then there are stupid pictures which remind me of the SikTh album artwork, or the new Underoath front cover. Lame.
If you look at this album alone then it's probably pretty good.
But I can't because 'Bless the Martyr...' is my favourite hardcore album so I'm a bit bitter.

You Fail Me
You Fail Me
Offered by CD USA
Price: £6.40

5.0 out of 5 stars A HA!, 1 Aug. 2004
This review is from: You Fail Me (Audio CD)
Ok, so it's not released yet. And I know you're thinking 'how come he can give it 5 stars if it isn't released'? Well, I'll tell you. I downloaded an advance copy. (Don't worry you lawyer types, I'll buy it when it comes out). No doubt you Converge fans will want to know what it's like. Well, think Jane Doe...but a few years down the line. That's pretty much it. It's good in every way that Converge is good. Awesome riffs, sick vocals and an unbelievable rythme section. It has dark bits, fast bits and those bits that sound like Converge and no one else. Overall I say 'Essential Converge'. The track listing is as follows: First Light, Last Light, Black Cloud, Drop Out, Hope Street, Heartless, You Fail Me, In Her Shadow, Easgles Become Vultures, Death King, In Her Blood, Hanging Moon.
If there is one problem I have with this album is that is finishes a little too suddenly. Jane Doe finished with the epic 'Jane Doe' (at about 12 minutes in length) where as 'You Fail Me' just seems to end all of a sudden. No build up to something catastrophic, just simply the end. A minor niggle and nothing more.

Offered by marxwax
Price: £7.87

1 of 5 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Pretty OK, I guess., 5 July 2004
This review is from: DRIV3R (PS2) (Video Game)
When I first started playing Driv3r I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Then I got stuck on a mission for 9 hours. 9 hours of constant failure. It may sound pretty lame, but I had to do it. In the end I completed it, but was unable to save until completing the even harder motocycle chase that follows. I still have not finished this level. (If your wondering, it is the one after Tobias chases the Bagman, where Tanner chases the girl. Calita I think her name is).
Anyway, the graphics are amazing. There are narrow windy roads and wide open free ways which is cool. Lots of jumps. The Thrill Cam is good fun (and easy to use, despite what people say. I mean, how hard is it to let go of 2 buttons at the same time?
Conclusion...Give it a try, see what you think.

The Silent Circus
The Silent Circus
Offered by Global_Deals
Price: £6.96

0 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Imagine 3 and a half stars maybe., 16 Dec. 2003
This review is from: The Silent Circus (Audio CD)
The first album rocked so hard the I had to have this one. Makes sense really. But this album is not the jem that it should be. Y'see, something is not quite right, amiss if you will.
First up, the production. The drums are way too over produced, as are the vocals and guitar. It doesn't so much sound like hairy men playing their instruments, as some dude on a synth and a drum machine. Not rocking. And the vocals are put through so many different filters and junk, that it doesn't always sound good.
Next up, track 6. It's a freaking ballad. Now I'm all in favour of nice bits in songs, Track 1 on their s/t debut was awesome, but a whole ballad? It's not even very good.
Everything else is pretty OK I guess. Lots of good ideas. Maybe they were just trying too hard. Who knows?

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