86 of 88 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
highly recommended for anyone going through this pain, 23 Feb. 2010
Although my husband's affair was very brief and once discovered came clean, broke it off and did everything to try and make things right again, I have really struggled with the trust issue. We went to Relate a few times and I also found a separate therapist to talk things through with, but never really felt I had resolved things in my own mind. I had come to the conclusion that after 20 years and 3 children this had left such huge scars in the marriage that separation was eventually inevitable and that once the children were older I would leave him. I saw this book last week and bought it in a last effort to try and understand why I was still in such pain. Knowing that other people had gone through exactly the same emotions and having all the different stages explained along ways to overcome each hurdle, were like an epiphany - I felt as though instead of fighting everything and feeling guilty for how I felt and so angry all the time, I had been given permission to go through these feelings because they were normal. The explanations as to why these things happen were put in such a sensible and understanding way that I honestly felt a huge blanket of bitter and painful feelings had just ebbed out of my body. I wish it had been published a year ago as I would not have wasted months obsessing about their relationship, of which there really wasn't one except in my own mind.