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Reviews Written by
Japes75 "Littlejp" (U.K)

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Retreat [DVD] [2011]
Retreat [DVD] [2011]
Dvd ~ Cillian Murphy
Offered by b68solutions
Price: £2.59

2.0 out of 5 stars Worth it for the scene stealing involuntary leg move by the dead man in the wheelbarrow!, 20 July 2016
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Retreat [DVD] [2011] (DVD)
I really liked the first ten minutes of this film, Thandie Newton looks amazing but is, as ever, about as convincing as your average soap star. Cillian Murphy, as always, is utterly believable and completely underused. But the two of them together with marital issues and a deserted island looked like a good premise.

I knew there was a Jamie Bell inbound, but had hoped that the nutter in their midst would spark a sort of relationship Phoenix that saw them overcome their estrangement, (nothing quite like long overdue sex in a room with a body- SOA fans will know what I mean), and get their lives/marriage/love life back on track.

No dice. The whole twisty, turny, nonsense plot meant that it became another 'oh for god's sake' hour and a bit in front of the telly. Good death scene aside, wait for the body (won't say whose) lend a helping hand (or leg) to the person trying to get it out of the wheelbarrow. Had me laughing out loud.


In the Heart of the Sea [DVD] [2016]
In the Heart of the Sea [DVD] [2016]
Dvd ~ Chris Hemsworth
Price: £6.99

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Missed opportunity. Instead of a human story, here's a typical Hollywood penis piece about deranged oceanic megafauna!, 30 May 2016
I read the book last year and was staggered by the historic detail, the fantastic language, the idiosyncrasies of the people and the sheer sense of zeitgeist surrounding the sinking of the whale ship Essex. This was a voyage led by a novice and unsure, albeit able Captain, overridden by a bullish, seasoned first mate. Decisions were made which had catastrophic consequences because the Captain did not have the courage of his convictions and the first mate sought to undermine him. There were no heroes, it was a classic story of power struggle, suspicion of uncharted territory and 'off-islanders,' and months spent in desperate circumstances surviving on the blood/flesh of giant tortoises and left over crew. It didn't need sexing up, it had it all!

Aside from the obvious ego clashes of some members of the crew, precious little of the books historical fact, ergo its raison d'Ítre, made it into the film. Instead of human sacrifice, the will to survive months at sea, the decision by some not to even try and the overarching heartbreak of a situation that, but for the lack of self-belief of a novice Captain, could have been avoided. We have a typical Hollywood penis piece about deranged oceanic megafauna, stalking a ship. Sheer, bloody nonsense. Such a shame and such a waste of an opportunity. The whole point of the book was to right the wrongs of the man versus sea monster inanity of Moby Dick and to reinstate the (very real) human element into the story.

Oh, and the only decent actors in the film Messrs; Murphy, Whishaw and Gleeson had around ten minutes apiece airtime, the rest of the 'acting' being attempted by that hulking Ozzie oaf Hemsworth who is about as talented as the ships parrot. Must try harder.


The Wolf Border
The Wolf Border
by Sarah Hall
Edition: Paperback
Price: £6.74

2.0 out of 5 stars A rare talent for creating wholly unlikeable characters, 30 May 2016
This review is from: The Wolf Border (Paperback)
I read this in two sittings, mainly because after the first hundred pages it became apparent that the central characters were unsympathetic. Factor in perfunctory descriptions of unappealing sex; a plot which whilst not entirely uninteresting, felt as though a lot was addendum; and its only saving graces are the descriptions of landscape.


Wallander [DVD] [2008]
Wallander [DVD] [2008]
Dvd ~ Kenneth Branagh
Price: £9.95

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars One Star, 23 May 2016
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Wallander [DVD] [2008] (DVD)
Kenneth Branagh CANNOT act. Period


Only Lovers Left Alive
Only Lovers Left Alive
Offered by Fulfillment Express
Price: £11.46

3.0 out of 5 stars Three Stars, 23 May 2016
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Only Lovers Left Alive (Audio CD)
Some good stuff. Some not so good stuff. Prefer the soundtrack to Dead Man.


August WT605N - FM Transmitter - In Car MP3 Player and Charger with iPod connector / 3.5mm Audio In / USB Charging Port
August WT605N - FM Transmitter - In Car MP3 Player and Charger with iPod connector / 3.5mm Audio In / USB Charging Port
Offered by Daffodil UK
Price: £10.00

1.0 out of 5 stars Like trying to force a light saber into a cheese ..., 23 May 2016
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
Utter rubbish. Like trying to force a light saber into a cheese grater, or something. Drones in and out, sounds warped and occasionally is drowned out by the shipping forecast or whatever radio station you happen to be tuned into that becomes suddenly more dominant. Otherwise great.


TDK T18770 52x CDR-80 50 Piece Cakebox
TDK T18770 52x CDR-80 50 Piece Cakebox
Offered by Online4Perfume
Price: £14.99

1.0 out of 5 stars One Star, 4 May 2016
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
More than half of the disks do not work. Rubbish


Avengers Assemble
Avengers Assemble
Dvd
Price: £9.99

1.0 out of 5 stars Toxic waste from zombieland, 6 April 2016
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Avengers Assemble (Amazon Video)
Perfectly exemplifies everything that is wrong with film making in Hollywood. Inane rubbish, the promulgators of which should be charged with grievous environmental/intellectual damage and sued accordingly. Shame on (the few) actors present who can string a sentence together, for involving themselves in this toxic waste. I would that just once, one of the sodding explosions in these sorts of films would wipe out a Hollywood 'lot' or ideally all of them. Never, ever, ever will I watch anything like this again. And this time, I mean it!


Multi Region Samsung DVD-E360 DVD Player with USB Host 2.0 and CD Ripping- includes scart cable
Multi Region Samsung DVD-E360 DVD Player with USB Host 2.0 and CD Ripping- includes scart cable
Offered by magicdiscounts
Price: £38.95

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Sounds much like a Hercules taking off, 5 Oct. 2015
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
Rubbish machine. Sounds much like a Hercules taking off, frequent picture distortion and you have to press the eject button around six times to get it to work. Avoid!


H2Onya 750ml Reusable Bottle Cherry Red with Flip and FLow Lid
H2Onya 750ml Reusable Bottle Cherry Red with Flip and FLow Lid
Offered by Onya Bags UK
Price: £10.50

1.0 out of 5 stars Absolute rubbish. Owing to a combination of it being ..., 5 Oct. 2015
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
Absolute rubbish. Owing to a combination of it being a rigid canister, without an air vent, it can neither compress to match the extraction rate of its content, nor refill with air whilst you drink. As such, you cannot get more than a sip at a time out of the bottle as you have to keep releasing the mouth part to let air back in- at a snails pace! Avoid!


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