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A Billion Jokes (Volume 1)
A Billion Jokes (Volume 1)
by Peter Serafinowicz
Edition: Hardcover
Price: £12.99

5.0 out of 5 stars Don't tell a soul, 13 Nov. 2012
I know nobody who has ever heard of this book. And I shall be recommending it to absolutely nobody at all. I doubt I know anybody who has even heard of this Serafinowicz.Certainly nobody who could spell it.And I must admit that I have only heard of him myself becase twitter told me he was similar to Sony Xperia GB.(He is not - this is the worst lie since telling me Noel Edmonds was similar to Pol Pot).

No, the less people know of this the better. While that is the case, I can continue merrily to drop these fine jokes into conversation at appropriate junctures, passing them off as my own instantly fashioned casual remarks. For I have neither shame nor jokes of my own. Believe me, it is for the best.Until now I have relied on a combination of Xmas crackers, The Krankies and a dog-eared Bobby Davro joke book.I am not known as the Oscar Wilde of my set, which may be for the best as my set think he sang Teenager in Love.

But armed with these gems I shall soon be known far and wide as a quipper of repute and a master of repartee.In my head I can already hear the words Algonquin, Round and Table trailing in my wake as I leave each merrily chuckling soiree I attend.

So don't buy it, don't tell anyone about it, let me have my fun, I have so little. @Max10Million

(What's The Story) Morning Glory?
(What's The Story) Morning Glory?
Offered by DVD Overstocks
Price: £4.99

0 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Pure poetry, 26 July 2012
Most people seem to concentrate on the music when it comes to this album. And the music is fine, building on and developing as it does the wholly original "Oasis sound" that arrived fully formed with their debut. But for me, it's all about the words and the searing insights they provide as a window into modern man's soul. There is insufficient time to fully do justice to the range and depth of the lyrics herein, so I will take a few isolated examples. First, the justly famous "slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball". Here we can see the essential duality and tension at the heart of modern life. As technology changes ever faster we are indeed hurtled along like the said cannonball. But Noel recognises that as we struggle to find a way through the mass of information hurled at us, we are in fact moving slower than ever. The central paradox of our age is thus defined. And then there is "she's got a cousin, in fact she's got about a dozen, she's got one in the oven, but it's nothing to do with me." Here we see both the consequences of the age of sexual freedom as families proliferate and scatter, but also the avoidance of responsibility that is a key feature of many of the feckless gallivanting youth of our age, for whom "it wasn't me" acts almost as some form of mantra. And finally "Walking to the sound of my favourite tune, tomorrow never knows what it doesn't know too soon". A tongue twister to delineate the riddle within a riddle that is the modern age, yet also a reassurance that somehow it will all be ok. We have our favourite tune and that will get us by. Perhaps also a reference to The Beatles in that last line, though I do not know whether Oasis are in fact familiar with that band's oeuvre. And that is but a small sample. Fans of the pop age may note how these lyrics take on the challenge of, and progress beyond, the works of Dylan, Cohen and Boney M. Others may look deeper and see shades of Keats and Yeats, perhaps even McGonagall. In a word, visionary.

Fan Dabi Dozi - The Krankees
Fan Dabi Dozi - The Krankees
by Ian Tough
Edition: Hardcover

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars And we danced all night, 24 July 2012
Eric and Ernie. Mike and Bernie. The list of great British double acts is long and, it would appear, rhyming. And to that list we must surely add Alan and Wee Jimmy. To some, a social services case in waiting, to others, myself included, the great duo of our age. The inspired silliness of an Abbott and Costello to contrast to the Lenny Bruce of our generation, Mr Ben Elton. My memory may be faulty, but a couple of examples should suffice: "Knock,knock" "Who's there?" "Fan" "Fan who?" "Fan Dabi" "Fan Dabi who?" "Fan Dabi Dozi!" and of course "My wife's gone to the West Indies" "Fan Dabi Dozi!" Not much on the printed page perhaps, but in the same way that you only have to look at Bobby Davro to laugh, it was all in Jimmy's face and timing. And smuggled into the soporific Seaside Special this was truly comedy anarchy. Monday morning would always find me in the schoolyard acting out the routines for a delighted audience. Eventually I was told this was no way for a Deputy Head to behave, but by then the job was done. The kids had been inducted into Krankiness, as we aficionados call it. Krankified you might say! And who can forget the great hit single featuring their ubiquitous catchphrase. Only two records have made me laugh as much: "Black Pudding Bertha" by The Goodies and "Vienna" by Ultravox. The great revelation here is of course - spoiler alert! - that in real life Alan was not actually Jimmy's dad. But that does not detract from my happy memories. If anything it simply shows what a fine actor he was. And so,to paraphrase another fine pair from the pantheon, it's five stars from me, and it's five stars from him!

You Can Change Your Life: And Create Your Own Destiny
You Can Change Your Life: And Create Your Own Destiny
by Russell Grant
Edition: Paperback

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I may have found my guru, 5 July 2012
I have to admit that until recently I had never even heard the name Russell Grant. But I am a devoted fan of the divine Katy Perry. So when I heard that Katy had married this Russell chap I thought I should check him out. I had hoped for a nice autobiography, perhaps with some sweet pictures of Katy, but in its absence I plumped for the book I have before me now.
On first impressions, it was difficult to see what Katy found so attractive. He's certainly no Cary Grant or Gary Cooper. More like Bobby Grant or Tommy Cooper. But the more I read, the more the attraction became clear. Russell is a very wise man, a man who can help you fulfil your destiny and take your rightful place in the universe. Clearly that is what Katy found so attractive. Before I read this book I did not even know I had a star, let alone the ability to follow it. It has truly changed my life. No more Christianity for me, it's now science all the way.
I am sorry that it seems Russell and Katy's relationship has not endured, but I am sure he will find happiness again and peace in his wisdom.
If you buy no other astrology book than this one then I can absolutely guarantee that you will have bought only one astrology book.

Nineteen Eighty-four
Nineteen Eighty-four
by George Orwell
Edition: Paperback
Price: £7.19

1 of 12 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not what I was expecting, 4 July 2012
This review is from: Nineteen Eighty-four (Paperback)
I had been told that this book was based on the popular television series "Big Brother". I must admit to being a little surprised at it being set in the past, but I thought I'd give it a go. I had after all finished both Craig PhillipsMy Story: Building Beyond Big Brother and Chantelle Houghton's Living the Dream: My Story books and thought it worth reading something more general before turning to the Brian Dowling story which my friend George tells me is soon to be made into a film starring Tom Hanks as Brian, Pink in her acting debut as Davina and Lee Evans as Bubble Riding The Tiger - The Life of Brian.
Sadly, I must admit to being more than a little confused from the very start. To my knowledge, clocks do not strike 13. Perhaps, I thought, they are going by the twenty four hour clock, like they have in Europe, but I was not convinced. And then there is no reference at all to the famous diary room. At least not in the pages I managed to get through.There is a room 101, but that is a different show altogether isn't it. And this Winston Smith chap is no nasty Nick, I can tell you that for nothing.
My friend George then tells me that this is a dystopian fantasy of official deception, manipulation and secret surveillance that is alarmingly prescient about the world we live in today. And I say, that's all very well George, but I was hoping for some pictures of Helen and Nadia.
I have given this 3 stars because I do not like to give anything 1 star and my friend George said he would punch me if I gave it 2 stars. Plus a lot of other people seem to think it is quite good really. That is nice, but I am afraid it is not for me.
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 18, 2012 10:38 AM BST

Russell Hobbs 13766 2 Slice Classic Toaster - Polished Stainless Steel
Russell Hobbs 13766 2 Slice Classic Toaster - Polished Stainless Steel
Offered by Anything 4 Home
Price: £26.95

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It's why God invented bread, 4 July 2012
Knowing my deep love of toast, and taking pity on seeing me sitting by the fire with my toasting fork (to be honest, it is more difficult since they switched me to gas), my friend Sheila suggested I try one of these new-fangled electronic gadgets. Well, this one seemed to have more good than bad reviews, with the added bonus of being sponsored by Russell Hobbs of tv's popular "Good News" programme. Good news indeed! (that made Sheila chuckle). I gather you can get a four slice version, but I've never been one for needless extravagance (or greedy gutsitis as my Auntie Jean calls it). Delivery was prompt and I dived right in. Butter and marmalade were not provided (something to think about there Russell?), but luckily I had my own. At first, disappointment. It barely toasted at all. But Sheila showed me how you could adjust the settings to toast to different levels. Blimey. I'm prepared to accept that they put a man on the moon, but this is a whole other level of technology. Through trial and error I have found my perfect setting. I'd tell you what it is, but I hate spoilers. Why ruin the fun of you finding out for yourself. Besides, we're all different in the wonderful world of toast. Suffice to say that I love it and it wouldn't ever disappoint you. Now Sheila tells me you can get ones that do sandwiches. Mind totally blown, as I believe the young folks say.

Fifty Shades of Grey
Fifty Shades of Grey
by E. L. James
Edition: Paperback
Price: £3.85

19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars An eye opener, 1 July 2012
This review is from: Fifty Shades of Grey (Paperback)
My friend George recommended this book to me. He said that it was a biography of Andy, legend of football and broadcasting, and that the 50 shades referred to the many facets of Andy's complex personality. I have long thought that Andy has hidden depths that remained unexplored because of his bizarre decision to join forces with the ursine oaf Richard Keys so I thought this would be just the ticket. All I can say is that George is a very bad man. There is much of depravity and debauchery within, but nothing at all of Everton or Aston Villa. Not in the first 150 pages anyway. And were a female linesman (linesperson?) to appear I dread to think what she might do with her flag. I have also now learned that Andy spells his name Gray. I feel very stupid, yet strangely charged. I have given this 2 stars because although it shocked me, the author has obviously put a lot of work in, amd it is not in my nature to be to mean and give her 1.
Comment Comments (16) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Sep 14, 2012 10:33 AM BST

Humperdinck: Hansel and Gretel, Opera in English
Humperdinck: Hansel and Gretel, Opera in English
Price: £17.19

3 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Rewarded perseverence, 1 July 2012
Having long been a bit of a secret Engelbert fan, and with my curiosity renewed by his sad Eurovision experience, I was looking to add to my extensive CD collection. My friend George recommended this CD so I took the plunge. I have to say first that it's a little "different". Engelbert doesn't sing all the time and when he does it doesn't sound that much like him. George said this was from his early experimental period, before he sold out to the man. I didn't really understand, but I don't want George to think I'm stupid, so I just nodded and kept listening. And slowly I came to enjoy some of the songs and to respect the diversity of a man that can deliver both this complex heartfelt music and an unrivalled modern ballad. It's no Eurovision but I say vive le difference!

Young Love
Young Love
Price: £7.28

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Completely Jepic, 1 July 2012
This review is from: Young Love (Audio CD)
Jedward chose to ignore my idea that, to be fair to John, who normally only gets one letter, they should call their album E-John. But this has not made me bitter and I review this with a pure heart. And let me tell you that the Jedward stage is coming on over the hill and it's overflowing with chunky tunes and poppy goodness. That Jedward have twice failed to win Eurovision is a mystery to rival the Loch Ness monster, the disappearance of Lord Lucan, and Eamonn Holmes's career. Waterline is up there with Abba, Sandie Shaw and Brotherhood of Man. Shame on you Europe! These boys are pure pop, distilled with an essence of joy, and the best thing to come out of Ireland since Dana, Johnny Logan, and the potato. For pure pop fun take a trip to the J and E Department today. You will not be disappointed.

Jamie and Louise Redknapp - iPad Cover (Protective Sleeve) - Art247 - IPads 1 And 2
Jamie and Louise Redknapp - iPad Cover (Protective Sleeve) - Art247 - IPads 1 And 2
Offered by Art247
Price: £19.99

5.0 out of 5 stars Literally unbelievable, 1 July 2012
When I saw that I could buy an iPad cover featuring my third and fourth favourite Redknapps, I literally couldn't believe it. And, as it finally dawned on me that it was indeed reality, I literally wet myself with excitement. And what a fine picture to use! Louise stands imperious and majestic, while Jamie leans forward, straining to catch what is almost certainly a shouted compliment about his excellent punditry skills. I cannot actually afford an iPad, but I can afford a Jamie and Louise iPad cover. And for that, the world is a better place. If only I could get the same image on something cheaper. Maybe a mouse mat. Or a keyring. A greeting card or a phone cover. Oh, what's that, you can? Truly Amazon, you do spoil us.

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