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David Bourke

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Dyson DC 29 Staubsauger Allergy titan/silber
Dyson DC 29 Staubsauger Allergy titan/silber

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars We just never got on really..., 5 April 2011
Six months ago I decided to join the rest of you in the 21st century and put in nice new wood floors (no, not pictures of wood but real wood). To protect this sizable investment, I wanted the best vacuum cleaner money could buy. My sister-in-law recommended the Dyson DC 29 Allergy Parquet. Since she's a woman who knows her way round a toolbox, I took her advice and sprung for it.

So how did I get on? Well, I'm the kind of guy who talks to his various machines (possibly because I get no lip back from them). And I quickly found myself cooing to the Dyson sweet nothings like "Get out of the way, you stupid %$*&@ machine." Or sometimes "Come ON, you dumb £&*!#@!"

Yes, we have THAT kind of relationship. Because vacuuming with this machine is like dragging round a sulky, seriously overweight, disfunctional Dalek child who can't walk in a straight line and keeps bumping into the walls and furniture.

Vacuuming is never the greatest of pleasures but doing it with this machine is a real chore. I hate this monster. The hose is too short. It's so short that you better really love vacuuming in a forward direction only because if you step backwards, your backside is gonna get intimate with the floor in a hurry. Because this monster is right at your heels. Seriously, this is a particularly dangerous flaw for people with osteoporosis.

The parking system looks like an afterthought that was designed by two near-sighted people who communicated by semaphore across the Dyson campus, so different looking are the "plug" and "socket." And it's a disaster anyway because the machine falls over more often than not if the tube is parked and you remove the dust collector for emptying. Leaving a nice dent in your expensive floor.

And speaking of dents in expensive floors, whenever this idiot machine noses into a wall or a settee, which is ALL the time, or whenever it has trouble negotiating passage over its own power cable, which is also ALL the time, whatever you do, DON'T give it an impatient yank. Because it will rear up on its two, well, rear wheels and the front castor will come down hard on your nice new floor. Leaving a nice new dent.

When I first got this machine I was seriously impressed by the noise of dirt I couldn't even see rattling up the tube. Nope. The floor tool's wheels make those impressive plinky-plink noises. I feel cheated.

There's no doubt that the technology that went into this machine is state of the art and I have to hand it to Mr. Dyson. But no bananas for the monkeys that designed the rest of it.

It sits in my toolshed now, sulking. A new Miele has taken its place. My tormented floors know peace again.
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