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abitwobblynow (UK)

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When Good People Have Affairs
When Good People Have Affairs
by Mira Kirshenbaum
Edition: Hardcover

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The best book on affairs I have read (as well as Shirley Glass), 15 Nov 2011
One of the hardest questions a couple must face after the realisation that an affair has shattered their world, is 'why'? Why did you do this? How could you? And this is a very hard question for the betrayer to answer: they compound their mistake by continueing to to be closed, secretive and not being open and honest and thereby seal the mistrust in the primary relationship; but often they are unable to explain themselves.

This book is excellent for its willingness to enter that world and of all the books I have read this one tackles best the 'why'?
She helps outline very well the therapists assertion that the third person is often irrelevant; that they are a symbol of deeper issues and desires. In the pain of finding your world is not what you thought it was, your reality is not what you used to know, this helps explain it.

If you have just found out that you have been betrayed then this book might be a bit raw for you. But when you have processed the hurt a little, after about - ooooh, 2 years; then reading this book might help you come to understanding.

If anyone is reading this review and have not yet crossed the line into betrayal - DON'T DO IT. You have no idea of the pain disillusionment and destruction this act unleashes on the people you are supposed to care about until you find yourself in the sh tstorm. The ripples of suffering - and no, that isn't too strong a word - don't stop.

How to Survive Your Husband's Midlife Crisis: Strategies and Stories from the Midlife Wives Club
How to Survive Your Husband's Midlife Crisis: Strategies and Stories from the Midlife Wives Club
by Gay Courter
Edition: Paperback

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Has your 40+ husband gone doolally? THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU, 11 July 2009
Is your husband 40+? Has your previously decent, devoted family man started acting oddly? Secretive, remote, dead shark eyes? Suddenly bought a new toy of the sporty variety? Does he look like him, walk like him, talk like him, but has turned into a complete stranger? Has he said 'I don't love you any more?'
This is the book for you. Toss away all those other 'how to nurture your marriage' and find out what REALLY is going on and how you are not alone.

Remember the jokes about men losing their hair and buying sports cars? Well midlife crisis is no joke, not to the distressed unhappy man and not to his shattered family.

This book charts the journey that men undergo as they realise they are not 30 anymore, the destructive choices (alcohol, spending, affairs, divorce) they make as they try to flee the pressure of responsibilities, self-medicate their depression, loneliness, panic and blame ('it's all your fault!'); and what blindsided bewildered wives can do as they try and hold their families together and weather the storm.
There is a website to join where people who are in the middle of the crisis discover to their relief that they are not alone.

Nobody likes facing the fact that they are getting older. Not all men going through midlife transition have a crisis. But for those that do, this book is INVALUABLE in explaining what is happening to him, and it cannot be recommended enough.

I Love You But I'm Not in Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship
I Love You But I'm Not in Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship
by Andrew G. Marshall
Edition: Paperback
Price: £6.29

64 of 84 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars It left out the most important bit, 11 July 2009
This book was helpful, it really was. If there is still a commitment to eachother, and you are BOTH willing to work on what is wrong, the advice in here is spot on. Divorce is a terrible way to 'solve' anything, he is right on this (don't do it!). What he fails to mention is that it takes two people to make a relationship, but only one to break it.

Unfortunately, what the author leaves out entirely in this book, is that this phrase (and it's variants) is known as 'The Speech'.

If The Speech is being uttered by a man, he has already emotionally checked out of the marriage and you won't get through to him, no matter what you say or do. A very old fashioned saying: a man only leaves if there is a woman in his bed or in his head.

Dear woman reader, if your husband has given you The Speech, HE IS ALREADY HAVING AN AFFAIR and the books you need to read are in the infidelity and (especially if he is 40-50 years old) the midlife crisis section. Why? Because being 'in love' is a mutual admiration-based exciting infatuation which he is already in, and which convinces him that what you have (routine, everyday) isn't love. A fantasy for him (being a delusion, 90% of affairs fail), the beginning of a nightmare for you both.
It doesn't mean your marriage is over and it could be the kickstart you need, but in this crisis you find yourself in, this book won't help you yet.
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Nov 18, 2011 11:31 PM GMT

Cold Fact [Australian Import]
Cold Fact [Australian Import]

53 of 57 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Lost Icon of Rock - listen and decide for yourself, 6 Oct 2005
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
'Sugarman, won't you hurry/'cos I'm tired of this scene/For a blue coin/won't you bring back/All those colours to my dreams/Silver magic ships you carry..

The opening bars to one of the best drug songs of all time. Lost my heart, when I'd found it/it had turned to jet black coal''

Rodriquez somehow got overlooked by the music moguls in the early 70s, but he should be up there with Dylan, Neil Young and Leonard Cohen. (Cold Fact was Rodriguez' debut album, but nobody noticed and he has been living in Detroit as a construction worker).
His lyrics of love, loss, drugs in a city of ruin evoke the same rich imagery of, say, Powderfinger (Neil Young). I had this on vinyl, thank god it's been re-released.

'My troubles just drive my mind/My mother treats me slow/My statue's got a concrete heart/but you're the coldest bitch I know'
Buy this album and be comforted that there are still hidden treasures out there.

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